Organsiational tips and how to get children to help too!

[goldenlilliesdaffodillies]

We live in utter chaos and it is really stressing DH and I out. Every day I seem to be hunting for lost things and can't find things. The house is a complete mess in every room (not hoarders style but just piles of junk everywhere).

I have tried so many times to sort it but whilst one room is getting organised the next is being trashed. DS 5 will not tidy up and actively empties things then refuses to pick them up which results in me shouting (which I hate). I have tried making tidying fun, doing rewards etc. DD12 tries to help but tends to shove everything hidden in cupboards. Then you can't find anything so have to empty everthing and so it goes round in circles.

I am also not a naturally tidy person and am also a teacher so constantly making things. Also DS has never slept more than 2 nights in a row and so DH and I are tired. DH works long hours and has a time consuming hobby so isn't home very much.

I have tried to sort the laundry area out by getting colour coded laundry bags to make washing sorting easier. There is a constant washing pile to be sorted. I have tried organising things into clear plastic boxes for bathroom/utulity room stuff. The children have nice toy/clothing storage. Mine is abit rubbish.

We are very lucky to have a cleaner but this results in me running around like a loony also shoving things in cupboards or under pretty cloths to cover the mess. It looks lovely for a day then is a complete mess and you then can't find anything as it has been hidden from the cleaners!

I am trying to read the book recommended on other threads by Marie K? but just don't have the time to read through the waffle at the moment.

Sorry for the mammoth post! Any practical tips? Thank you

I think you've started to think on the right lines, getting the kids to help out... You can't do this all on your own, with a full on job. But take that reasoning to its natural conclusion... Is your husband doing his fair share? I mean, I have a potentially time consuming hobby, but it has to fit in around family life... Not the other way round. Some weeks I don't have time for it at all. If your husband is also getting stressed by the mess, maybe he has to take more responsibility for the solution.

Start with one room at a time. Make a habit of keeping the sitting room tidy. Take some time to really analyse what's there that shouldn't be. That means actively seeing what's there, but also knowing what you want to be there, and what there's room for. Anything else has better be claimed in good time, and removed, otherwise it's fair game for decluttering! We ended up shutting up the sitting room till after dinner. The rest of the house is still a bit hit and miss, but we've got somewhere calm and tidy to chill out for a couple of hours before bed, and it stays that way with very little effort. No toys, food or paperwork allowed! Even if you never manage to roll that out to the rest of the house, you've always got a refuge.

Regarding kids - they have to learn how to tidy after themselves, or you will be doing it for everyone in the house forever. I have similar problem with youngest DD never wanting to tidy up, so I started removing the toys she left lying around.
They don't get them back until the rest of the toys are tidy. This caused some tantrums but it is now working in getting them to tidy up.
I also spent an afternoon tidying and sorting out their playroom, got rid of the junk, everything else in easy to organise plastic boxes.

So now they don't get to watch TV until the room is tidy and we have a chart, which they helped to make with one "task" every day where they have to put away their own stuff. For example Friday they make sure there are no clothes on the floor in their bedroom and the dirty ones are all in the washing basket, Wednesday's are to tidy/clean toys in the bathroom, on another day we tidy/sort out all their drawing stuff and on another we do cleaning in the kitchen.

It is hard sometimes making them stick to it - but the chart is on the fridge so they can't argue with it.

Regarding cleaners, I have one room in the house she doesn't touch so all the junk gets put in there to be sorted out (eventually). I agree you need a sanctuary for grown up time so maybe start with that one.

I definitely don't have all the answers but these are somethings that work for me...

I agree if you have the space that a no toy room would be a good start. We have one room which never really gets messy as it isn't used for playing.

I would say if things are really that bad with kids tipping toys out, take most of them away - attic/garage and gradually reintroduce as they learn to make less mess

I am interested in the internet minimalist websites at the moment. The stress caused by too much stuff is a huge incentive to pare back. The MK book discussed on the other thread is a very short easy read and extremely motivating.

One tip I picked up from Flylady way back is to assume you need to do a load of washing a day to stay on top of it. Could you get in the habit of putting a load in before work and then drying and putting away every evening?

Have a look at the minimalists' thread - it's long but there are lots of us on there just having a go. I suspect with your discipline of a cleaner you are way ahead of me anyway.

I go the other way to coffee with washing. We wash once a week in a big blast. I start washing after work on Friday. The last wash ideally goes in Sat lunchtime, everything's dry for ironing night on Sunday (we only iron smart clothes) and all put away Sun night. It leaves 4-5 days a week completely free of washing which frees up time for cleaning and tidying. I can't get on with daily washing, I find I never manage to do anything else. Also it really, really helps to consciously eke another day out out of pjs and kids' clothes, if they are not actually dirty.

Re tidying up, I love the 'just do 10 more things' idea. I thought maybe I could get DC doing 5 things a day, every day, but there is too much potential for negotiation. At the moment (DC 5 and 7), a simple 'tv after this floor is clear' works much better.

Could extra labels and cutting the number of toys help the DC to put away in a more organised way? Our toys live on open shelves so they never look tidy, but there is a logic to them. The labels were chosen, and often written, by the children. We have a big box called 'DC2's favourites' which neatly covers all the random crap!

If a 5 year old tipped things out and then refused to help pick up I'm afraid their stuff would be emptied into a black bin lliner and removed for a while in this house. They would have to 'earn' the things back.

I agree with keeping one room as neat and clutter free as possible. Also spend 10 mins walking round the downstairs with a large IKEA bag picking up everything that should be upstairs and put by the stairs ready for when you next go up. Repeat upstairs next time.

Maybe you just need less things and your partner to spend more time away from his hobby

Both Flylady and Marie Kondo say that you need to lead by example and start with your own stuff. It made me want to punch them! But... Its true. Get work stuff back to work. Book a charity van and spend a couple of odd hours (or half hours if that's all you have) between now and when it comes collecting stuff for it, throwing away rubbish and recycling as you go.
I did flylady after a period of depression when I became a horder. I couldn't make any decisions so I wouldn't throw anything away. Flylady kept everything at a non hazardous level. I've recently started on the Kondo book. Its amazing. But I'm not convinced would have helped if I would have tried it at my worst. I have people coming over today and am not stressed about the state of the house! Unheard of. I feel so much better for having fewer possessions. Even my work handbag has a home, I know when I pick it up my work phone, fob, id, diary etc will all be in it, not scattered across the house. Its out of sight but sorted! You can do it too! (I also have a non sleeper. 14mths. But... His dad makes sure I get a chunk of sleep now)

how do you book a charity van? and who??

When I say book a van I mean book a pick up. I usually ring the British heart foundation, they agree a time to come round and take my donations. Just pick a charity you would like to support and ask if they pick up in your area, and want the type of stuff you have. If they have a shop in your town, that's a hint they might send a van!

Thank you so much some really great tips. I think it is a case of getting the children to tidy up afterwards. We are going to introduce a pocket money system based on jobs they do. Also a big declutter is now underway over half Term. Thanks again.

Decluttering is the key. I would bet that you, like most of us, have way too much stuff to keep and manage properly. It is in direct conflict with our desire for easily managed, clean tidy homes.

Also you need a place for everything - so every object has a home to return to. When every object has a clear defined home to return to then putting it away, and finding it again when you want/need it, is a piece of cake.

Group things together so all tape, etc is together (masking, packaging, sellotape, fancy tape). My only exception is Christmas tape which I keep with all the other Christmas stuff.

Anything that doesn't have a proper home has to go.

Getting all the DC's toys out of the living room and into their bedroom made a dramatic improvement. They can bring toys into the living room to play but at the end of the day they must all go back to where they came from - DC 6 & 3 can cope with this.