July 2014: fledglings follow Flylady's tuition (don't forget your pamper mission)

[ToffeeWhirl]

A big thank you to slackcabbage for superb thread leadership throughout June, as well as a great intro which I am going to shamelessly borrow from now.

Struggling with C.H.A.O.S. (can't have anyone over syndrome) and S.T.U.F.F. (something that undermines family fun)? In that case, you need Flylady.

Flylady is a system for managing housework. Starting with babysteps, it builds up into a routine which becomes second nature. In theory, once you are used to the system, you will have a tidy house you are not embarrassed by and plenty of time to get on with more interesting things.

Flylady banishes the panicky "rabbit in headlights" feeling when you are overwhelmed and everything needs doing all at once. If you fall off the Flylady bandwagon, it’s no problem: you just jump back in where you are and carry on.

Don't sign up for the Flylady emails as you will be inundated! All the information you need will be linked here on this thread on a daily basis.

From the first of the month, Flylady's steps and routines will be listed here on this thread.

Flylady uses a three-pronged approach (dependent on the stage everyone is at):

1. start or repeat baby steps

1. repeat baby steps + do 15 mins a day decluttering in the current zone

1. reinforce babysteps and do daily missions if you have finished decluttering.

(And detailed deep cleaning in each zone for those who have made real progress – not sure if anyone has reached this pinnacle yet…? I certainly haven’t).

More info here on getting started (but ignore step one!) and Flying lessons. Here's the launch pad for more experienced fledglings.

Try to ignore Flylady’s purple prose (hard, I know) - the underlying system is sound!

Three key points to keep in mind:

1. No perfectionism allowed - this is harder than you would imagine.

1. You are never behind - just start where you are and anything you do is progress.

1. It didn't get into a mess overnight, it won't get tidy overnight - accept it will take time to get on top of things and you will be happier.

If you are new, then trying to spend 15 mins decluttering and doing the babysteps is the most you should expect of yourself. Lots of us here like posting our ‘to do’ or ‘ta da’ lists and they can look quite scary. Don’t be put off.

If all else fails, try the power of three – just pick three things that most need doing and focus on those.

And if you have visitors coming over this afternoon and need a quick fix NOW, try Flylady's crisis clean.

We all know each other pretty well on this thread and some of us have been around for a long time, but all lurkers, oldies and newcomers are very welcome!

Good to hear your friend's dc is okay alice

I don't know where to start! Have 2 days t8 get packed for holiday and there's so much to do. Have ds (2 going on 15) under my feet today. Dh spent the WHOLE of uesterday 10 till 5 upstairs "burning kusic cd for car and planning route" so I didn't get a minute to myself and repeat for today (dh is at work).

Atm ds is watching scooby doo, but the attention span won't last!

ta da
washing up
wash on

to do
drying up
clear space in kitchen to start laying out holiday stuff
print returns label for parcel
go to shopping centre for parcel, last kinute bits, maybe even get ds hair cut
send birthday card to dm

I HATE PACKING!
start packing clothes, ds stuff, kitchen stuff/linen etc

Toffee thanks. I've taken her to the GP before who found no cause for concern and no need for referral. The standard line is that if you can see cancer symptoms in a healthy child then it's you that needs the medicine. But what if she's not healthy?

She's developed tummy aches since then so I think I'm going to take her back. She's been constipated since birth (another symptom) and is on Movicol so at least I can have a non-crazy reason for getting her checked.

trazzle I'm not surprised your worries with all you've been through.

Anyone know how I deflag?

Trazzle - good idea to take DD back to the GP, if only to seek reassurance for yourself again. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Engels - have you seen the various packing lists you can download? Mumsnet has some here. My sympathies - it's really difficult packing with a toddler around. Plus you have to take so much stuff. It will get easier - I can't believe how easy it is to pack now my DC are older.

DS2 and I have watched some videos about finding real pirate treasure (National Geographic). He's having a break whilst I eat my breakfast and go through my 'to do' list: lots of phone calls and admin stuff . I need to take a deep breath and stop procrastinating over it.

DS1 is still asleep as he didn't settle till after 1am this morning.

Hello everyone and lovely to see you Trazzles

SC - hope travelling isn't too arduous

Stationery addicts - does anyone know where I can get 'interesting' A4 copier paper to print invitations for Yr6 Leavers party? Need to get it today as we are a bit behind sending them!

I need a list on this lovely sunny day or I will faff around and not get much done:

Ta Da

• First load washing done and on line
• All up and out
• Various notes to school re various things!
• Take chicken out of freezer to make into something for tea tonight
• Chat with surrogate granny who is back from being away (managed to get away after 30 mins rather than usual 90 )

To do

• Second load in
• WORK
• Rest of morning routine
• Phone-calls - various
• Pay people - various!
• Sort form for DS's holiday club
• Sort class photo order
• Buy paper (preferably at Staples!)
• Order Railcard (have discount code :))

Best get on...

Hobbycraft had "odd" paper in ours when I was in last - sort of normal paper but with a print that made it look old IYSWIM; think it was in their art section rather than paper.

Glad everyone is doing okay - I'm grouchy today as I'm at work, and I don't want to be here. The managing director or twat as I like to call him has just been in and totally ignored me; no good morning, hello or anything just totally ignored me. Man is an arse and the reason I'm moving (hopefully!), it just can't come quickly enough!

Anyway, must actually do some work! BBL when my next report is compiling!

Oh, heavens, everyone's hard at work this Monday morning, while I'm sitting here finishing my coffee. In my defence, I did deliver 40 party bags to 2 different schools today. Both dcs have summer birthdays, so I told them they could bring in a party bag to share with their classmates before school was out. So last night I was assembling all the bags (comic book, small notebook, sparkly pencil, haribo) and then ds1's bags had kitkats in them, and ds2's bags had decorated pirate ship cookies (my adult dd does a sideline business with them). They were thrilled to be taking them in. Hopefully the parents won't be annoyed, but hey - the class kids get a party bag and the parents don't have to buy a birthday present or drag them to another birthday party, so I figure it's win-win, right?

ta da
usual morning routines, school runs, delivered party bags
washing up done
load of laundry washing
(sat with my feet up and browsed MN while drinking some coffee)

to do
vacuum living room
sweep hallway and entryway
bake pumpkin bread
cook chicken for tonight's tea
prep wall today so I can start (hopefully) hanging wallpaper tonight (eeeeeeek!!!)

I'm not hard at work. Im Mnetting!

I'm not hard at work either though I should be

Pumpkin bread sounds yummy. I currently have an ordinary white loaf going clonk, clonk, clonk in the bread machine.

Ta Da:

• Done some work
• Photocopied something for elderly neighbour
• Put bread in machine
• Looked up results of yesterday's race - not up yet

I'm hard at work honest.

Welcome back Trazzles, sorry, missed you last night.

Thanks toffee . Think I'm just resigned to doing it properly tomorrow. Popping out to run errands now with ds firmlyin ppushchair!

alright. toilets cleaned (I'm going to have to get something stronger - bleach is doing nothing to the limescale ) as best I can at the moment. entryway and hallway swept. another load of washing in, first load in the dryer.

short break then back to work. I need to price a miter box and some moulding on b&q website (and possibly a new saw, since stbx took such awful care of his tools that they are just horrible).

Oh, goodness. Friend says they've now been told there's a bleed on her ds's brain, and they have to stay in hospital until Wednesday to monitor it. Poor little one.

Oh no, that poor family. Thank goodness the hospital found it and didn't just send him home.

Yes WhoKnows that's what I said too. Just hope she's reassured that it means they're being extra cautious and thorough, which is definitely for the best. I think it's that "the longer the child is in the hospital, the more serious it most likely is" thought process, so they're just horribly stressed. I wish I could do something to help, but there's really nothing I can do, except pray he recovers quickly and fully.

Yikes Alice I hope it gets better very quickly.

Oh dear, Alice, that's so frightening. Poor family. But, as Who says, it's good that the hospital found it. I hope they get some good news soon.

Have had a horrible scene with DS1. Tried to get him to take a bath, wash his hair and cut his nails. He agreed to get in the bath, but refused to wash his hair (which is important because a) it smells and b) he has a scalp infection and needs medicated shampoo) or cut his nails, so I told him I was confiscating his phone until he did as he was told. That was a red rag to a bull, so he then went ballistic. The situation at the moment is that he still has unwashed hair and uncut nails, I still have his phone and now he's managed to take my phone and is refusing to return it. And he's also refusing to do his online Maths lesson. I have tried to talk to him, but he says I have stolen his phone and he won't speak to me until I return it.

I'm sure there was a better way for me to handle his refusal to comply but, for the moment, I can't think what else I could have done . I wish he'd just bloody well look after himself properly so I didn't have to remind him.

ta da

Made several phone calls
First load of laundry done
Washing hung up on line
D/W unloaded and reloaded
Packed up DS1's bed downstairs (he's finding it too hot in his loft room)
Home ed with DS2
Huge argument with DS1
Repairman here to look at washing machine: seal needs replacing

Think I'm going to call it a day with home ed and leave DS2 to do his own thing this afternoon, whilst I shut myself away from DS1 and work on my essay.

Toffee that does sound difficult. It's so hard when you have very few things to fall back on for leverage to get them to comply. (god, that sounds evil, but you know what I mean) Ds1 really only responds to screen time. Reward of more screen time will sometimes encourage him to make a bit of extra effort, but not always.

here's a sneaky thought. Does your ds1 like swimming?? Can you take him swimming and let him get wet that way, then as he's already wet, coax him into the shower at the pool and wash his hair then? (clutching at straws here )

even if you can't get him to wash his hair in shower afterwards, if you get it good and wet in the pool, that's better than nothing, right?

He won't go out of the house, Alice . That's why he was in such a state of anxiety when we managed to get him to my Mum's last week. He certainly wouldn't go swimming.

He's just been down and eaten chocolate for lunch. Nope, he didn't listen to my protest about that either. I explained the importance of hair washing and self care, but he just said he'll wash his hair tomorrow and no, he won't give me my phone back until I give his back.

I don't like him very much at the moment.

hmmmm... paddling pool? water gun fight? ambush him in the back garden with a bucket of water? (I know, just kidding!)

sorry. How frustrating. Honestly, I get people saying to me when I'm out with ds1 (and he's all over the place behaviour wise) that I should avoid taking him out in situations that stress him out. FFS then he'd never leave the house!! How is that helpful?! I know that ds1 could easily hole himself up in the house and refuse to leave if he didn't get taken out of the house regularly, so I can totally see how stressful this must be for you. (and no, I am not implying that this is in any way your fault either, just to be clear)

Okay. Is it getting his hair wet that is the problem? or the shampooing? has he said specifically? Would a can of that dry shampoo work at all? And if he's not interested in showering, will be at least wipe down with some of those thick soap wipes? (not the kind you use for babies, but the kind that you can buy that are soapy) Trying to toss any ideas that might be helpful. I'll shut up if you want me to though. I have days where I'm so stressed with a particular behaviour problem that I really struggle to think outside the box at all, and feel like I am banging my head on the wall, and those are the days I go looking for input from others.

And one day of having chocolate for lunch won't kill him (unless he is diabetic, in which case it's not horribly great, but still....). God knows I've done it on a few particularly spectacularly shitty days myself. So I wouldn't stress over that at all right now.

Thanks, Alice. Why do people say such stupid things ('avoid taking him out in situations that stress him out'). It's like seeing people at CAMHS. They always ask us inane questions: 'Have you thought of this or that?' Er, yes, we've thought of everything, thanks. Now can you please come up with an idea we haven't thought of. (Nope, they can't).

Ds1 is not specific about what it is about hair washing that distresses him. Or nail cutting either. He knows he has Aspergers and I pointed out to him recently that people with AS have sensory issues and asked him if he thought this was the case with him. I got no sense out of him at all!

He used dry hair shampoo once. I knew he had because he looked like an old man, with grey hair! The trouble is, that dry hair shampoo doesn't treat his scalp infection.

He will bath eventually, so it's less bathing that's the problem and more hair and nails.

No, I don't mind you throwing out ideas to me. It's very thoughtful of you and it's comforting to know that you know what it's like. Although I'm sorry that you do, if you see what I mean! (I've confused myself now).

He's underweight and it's stunted his growth and delayed puberty, so I'm a bit anxious about his eating. The psychiatrist always drills me about it, as if I'm starving him. But you're right - one day of chocolate for lunch won't do him any harm. And at least it's fattening.

I could have used a chocolate lunch today, if I'm honest. Sadly, no chocolate in the house. Must remedy that.

Ds1 hates getting his hair washed. Has in past climbed under the bed to avoid it and refused to come out. (yeah, that was a fun day ) Currently, I'm using a little handheld shower nozzle that attaches to the taps and have it on a low pressure amount of water. Anything with good pressure upsets him as he cannot tolerate it on his skin. Tipping his head back is difficult as he feels off balance, so it has to be in quick shots, and he has to have a washcloth over his eyes as he cannot tolerate water in his eyes. He hates the washing, but will at least choose a shampoo if I give him a choice (always food ones - coconut or cinnamon are the current options). He is struggling right now to learn to shampoo his hair himself - but he gets a bit stressed over feeling the slippy feeling of the shampoo. He cannot coordinate with a shampoo bottle, so I bought a bar shampoo from Lush (cinnamon - yummm!) and he can just rub the bar over his hair a few times and then I have to help him a bit. He doesn't like the feel of the soap (too slippy, slimy, whatever particular word he comes up with each time) but I use a rough washcloth to counter it a little bit, which seems to help (no idea why, happened upon it by accident).

Ds1 struggles with food as well, but we're slowly increasing what he is eating. It's frustrating I know, as some days I just want to say "look, you ate it last week and loved it. How can it be horrible today and you hate it? It's the SAME. THING!" (those are the days that chocolate is needed for me )

I hope your day improves.

Camhs are useless. I will be more surprised if we encounter someone that acutally does something rather than not.

Facts only. If you do not wash your hair than this will happen. Simple factual. Action: not washing hair, consequence: have to get it treated and thus go out. Washing hair = best option. No emotion. No negogiation. Just pure cold facts. Give choice. action or consequence. Let live with consequences. Harsh, hard but only way here.

Also here conventional dietary information and views would cause so many problems. if ds wants cake for breakfast and it happens to be there as long as he eats a piece of toast or some cereal first he can eat the cake. He needs the fat intake as he avoids anything fatty. Causes him no end of problems.

Funky paper for invites: staples!!!!!

Done work, should do lots but tired so going to rest and potter and just take things slowly.