The march towards Minimalism continues...

[MissAnnersleyismyhero]

Hey all, thought I'd make a new thread to encourage us all to keep going on the journey to minimalism!

TBH Jimmy we hardly have visitors anyway as I hate having people here when it's so messy! But yes when people do visit (not family, they take us as they find us :)) I do the bung stuff in bags thing too.

Uggggh I have no minimalising mojo today! DH's last casual shift (after this he will generally be only doing Monday to Friday) so I'm home with the DCs, just mooching. There's a gazillion things I should be doing but... meh.

I don't really want to be trying to throw stuff away when the DCs are here to interrupt!

I have an amazing friend who has dragged me from crippling perfectionism to completer-finisher...ism. She reminds me often: it doesn't have to be perfect; it has to be Tuesday. I get so much more done these days.

Everton, I don't take photographsor keep anything sentimental either mainly because I feel so completely suffocated under the weight and intensity of my dad's nostalgia/sentiment/hoarding. We cannot have a single family moment without it being exhaustively documented (omg the endless facebook albums argh argh nothing is private; I am constantly exposed, on display, to hundreds of people - there's no such thing as private family time ever) and then brought up over and over. He takes approximately forty thousand photographs a year (not kidding) and he keeps everything. It's not about remembering happy things or being proud or anything. He has no differentiation at all. When I was a child I had quite a bad time with something and it was in the papers, which I found traumatic and damaging, and... he kept all the press clippings. And then couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to happily reminisce/look through them ten years later.

I would say that he withdraws from emotional intimacy by withdrawing behind a camera lens. He observes and reflects rather than interacts. He chokes off every meaningful experience by rushing off to get a camera and making everybody freeze and pose: moving from experience to performance.

I want to live, now, be inside each moment and experience it totally. I really feel a sort of panic when I go to his house: doesn't he know we're all going to die? This is it! This is it! We've got to live now.

I recognise the reaction is a little extreme, a little mad. But I'm happier for it; I truly am.

Oh Anatana - that sounds awful for you. But oh god yes, I so get the documenting vs experiencing thing. DH's dad is a big photo taker. I curse the day they invented the digital camera as he doesn't have to think now so takes hundreds, whereas with a 24 shot film he would weigh up the processing cost for each shot he took . He frequently tries to take photos of the children, getting in their faces, interrupting their play. I now have no problem telling him to quit if it's annoying them and will not try to make them co-operate with smiles but it took a while to pluck up the courage to do that. If he succeeds we then have to sit through the photo shows so it pays for me to disrupt it... At least he doesn't take videos any more (particularly delightful memory of sitting through 10 mins of DN picking his nose...) DH like in most things is a stripped down version of his dad so takes lots of photos but not to excess, and while we have some lovely frames photos of our DCs we still have too many unopened-in-years photo albums in our house.

My family gets the camera out maybe once a year. They have about 5 photo albums in total. I still have the same fantastic memories of holidays etc that DH has, just no physical record. I wish I had a few more photos but on balance I prefer the absence to the proliferation.

Everton and Anatana that sounds incredibly frustrating. My mum can be a bit similar sometimes - I do recall the odd occasion where I've had to ask her to stop (and I was quietly grumpy that mum videod the DCs opening their main Xmas presents) but nowhere near as extreme. As for me, I only really take photos if we go out somewhere.

So, what are everyone's aims for this week? My first aim is the laundry. Things have been hectic so there's a huge pile of clean clothes folded up.

I really want to sort out all the DCs' clothes, get rid of anything outgrown or tatty (not much I hope expect, we've maintained fairly well since starting to minimalise) and then organise it all properly - give them half the wardrobe each, and reorganise their Trofast drawers (they have 9 of the shallowest ones between them to put non-hanging clothes in).

Been thinking about expecting more of the DCs in terms of chores, but the problem is we are so disorganised ourselves that we can't really expect them to be wonderfully tidy yet! So I thought laundry would be a good place to start. DH and I are dividing it up from now on, so I'll put the washes on, he will hang it out in the evenings (as bending/lifting heavy wet washing is hard for me) and I'll take it off and put it away when dry. I'm going to put labels on the drawers and show them the new system, so in future I'll pile up their clothes and tell them to put it away in the evenings.

I know this is probably glaringly obvious to most people but it seems like an epiphany to me hopefully it'll be the start of getting the house a bit more organised and helping the DCs become a bit more independent. It's going to take a lot longer to do the same with their toys!

aaarrgh - the winning bidder on my toddler bed has withdrawn. They wanted an adults bed - doh!

Coat stand is in the car to be donated to CM tonight.

Go for it Fuzzpig. It sounds like a great start!

Thanks :) Managed about half of it, and have mostly reorganised drawers and got rid of a stuffed carrier bag of old clothes. Reached my limit (physically) after that though, and now have to get ready for work. Blah.

I have a little more time this week as my latest busy contract is ending so I'm planning on doing a mixture of organising, decluttering and admin.

I'll be sorting out baby clothes here - getting rid of the very girlie stuff and keeping the boy/unisex stuff for DC3. I suspect it's going to be emotional - no more baby girls in this house, sob

I'm also going to get ruthless with my books.

I'm organising our big box of keys right now. Too many keys unlabelled, plus lots of broken key rings etc. Won't be getting rid of anything so not a minimalist project, but at least everything will be findable and organised!

And I'll also be organising/culling DD's artwork - she's going through a prolific phase in the way that only a 3 year old can (approx 20 new artworks a day at the moment!) There's paper everywhere and I need to find a way of saving the good stuff and get rid of the other stuff!

Another month gone and still not bought any new clothes or shopped at Ocado, which is all getting easier and easier. Sending back catalogues all this month has really shown me how much paper trash I generate just by virtue of existing (and fitting some demographic).

I was cooking last night and my measuring jugs were dirty and it occurred to me: it would be so handy if they printed the volume measurement on the bottom of cups and glasses. It could just say MADE IN BULGARIA 3/4 CUP or MADE IN TURKEY 225ML (er, who can tell my mugs are from IKEA ). Why don't they do that? They should do that.

The veg box people are doing a kids shoes collection for a charity this month you just leave the shoes out with the box and they pick 'em up and now I'm thinking all delivery people should do that, right? How useful that would be! Parcelforce could take your batteries; Ocado could take old books along with their bags back... That would be so handy. I wish that happened. I would totally cede my decluttering decisions to whatever random drive was on that month, heh.

I got a new Chrome (browser) extension called Momentum and I really love it! I don't normally go in for all those "getting things done" systems as frankly I believe them to be elaborate procrastination tools in denial. This is just a todo list (), like I write every morning anyway, nicely reminding me what I'm doing every time I open a new tab. Recommend.

Er, meant to acknowledge all the kinds words above and completely failed. Sorry. You are all lovely!

Hi, just caught up with this thread and am amazed that there are people out there who are like DH and myself.. trying to get rid of clutter! Who knew?!

I've have used unroll me already and cleared my inboxes plus have directed it to DH who gets even more junk mail than I do(!) The person who also uses HelloFresh - Antana I think? Sorry, the message is right at the top of the thread! How do you find it working? Does it cover all meals or just mains? Does that mean you are still shopping for breakfasts and lunches? Can you alter unsuitable meals easily? I'm very intrigued by the idea of it but can't work out if it would work for us.

The messages re other people and clutter resonates very much, DH's Gran died oh, 11 years ago and IL's found clearing her house a really big deal because she had SO much stuff. It really made them think about their house and subsequently, they have tried to reduce what clutter they have so that DH and SIL (& therefore me and BIL) won't have to go through it. My DM is a hoarder much to my DF's hatred of clutter, he puts stuff to one side for charity/tip and she takes it back again. She's also well known for going round her house and going "you must keep that, it's an antique and it belonged to great xxx" and so on but none of this stuff is what DB or I would want/need for many reasons! I'm dreading having to clear out her house as I know I will feel her words pressing down on me.... I just hope it's many years away!! But the biggest problem.. I have stuff that was perhaps a present off DP's or I perhaps liked at one time or it belonged to a grandparent and was passed to me but I haven't space for it, perhaps I or DH don't like it or we just don't want it BUT.. DM is known for saying "do you still have x? It was/is very expensive you know" - it may or may not be worth anything but if I get rid of stuff, she makes me feel guilty and I end up with stuff in the attic or it gets passed from room to room... How would you deal with this? Are you just straight and to the point "we haven't room" or whatever and get rid of it? For example, I have a teapot that my Nan gave me, it's lime green, doesn't match my style but I keep it because it reminds me of her and once in a blue moon I do use it. Two christmases ago, DM bought me another teapot, jug (& mugs which we use), they are pushed to the back of cupboard as I don't use teapots, I have a teapot that I want to keep so I don't need another one but if I get rid of it, I will be made to feel guilty.. so how would you deal with this?

(sorry that was a bit long!)

We just get five evening meals. I've got a code for £20 off if you want it. (I am a total convert and evangelist but I'm wary of being a bore on the subject...I feel like I keep banging on about Hello Fresh on MN.) You can't alter meals atm - I think they're bringing this in - but we've so far only had one meal we really disliked, total.

I also get an Abel and Cole delivery and that's set up to send me stuff on a subscription so, for example:

every week: milk (4 large bottles of whole milk and it keeps for the week)
every other week: bread, eggs, apples/oranges (alternating)
every three weeks: butter, sausages, bacon
every eight weeks: teabags, porridge

and so on. We are spending about £75 a week between the two boxes, which I'm happy with. I don't know if there are other veg box suppliers that do a similar subscription scheme - probably! I just went with them cause they did me a special offer and they seemed good enough. When we move we will be more rural and can get much cheaper smallholder suppliers for eggs and so on but for now this will do. And all the food is really good tasting and ethical etc, which does matter to me a bit, though I know it's not fashionable to admit on MN! For breakfast I either have eggs or porridge or something and then tbh I don't always have lunch but I am still eating my way through our larder for lunch : old packets of miso soup and so on. Ten weeks and counting!

It's so funny you have the teapot problem! I am pretty well decluttered by now but still have three teapots, none of which I have bought myself. Actually you have inspired me to donate one tea set my MIL gave me as surely the second tea set gift supercedes the first. Surely!

Mostly I do just give things away and don't refer to them again. (Never apologise, never explain.) People mostly accept it or don't notice anyway. When closely questioned I tend to say, "Ah, the flower jug/novelty biscuit tin/size four trousers went the way of all flesh, I'm afraid. Alas." And shrug and look a bit wistful. It works!

love Atanas whimsical non-explanation could you ask dm not to give you things, or request something specific for birthdays and Christmas, maybe an experience rather than a thing?

The non explanation does sound good!

For Christmas this year, I persuaded DM to give us a much needed new toaster - fantastic! It's better than the old one and it was a one in, one out swop but I still got a ton of other bits and pieces... the bookmark which is sat on the table next to me - I don't use bookmarks, the red spotty gloves (she's obsessed with giving me red spotty things) which are too thin and don't go with either of my coats and I prefer the black woollen pairs x2 that I have.... and... I met up with them the other day and she gave me 5 cookery books (not too bad, I'll flip through & pass on) and then 2 craft books in French.. my French isn't good enough to read them plus I would never have bought them in the first place and these are books she will ask about if she doesn't see them on my shelf (but I'm thinking of a cull so will ease them out somehow). I sound so ungrateful and I feel guilty but it is just more clutter and it's not even clutter I'd choose iyswim?

Anatana - the website does look good but until we can swop some meals out, it wouldn't work for us.. I'll keep it in mind though as if they bring the swop facility to all types of boxes then it might be good and suit us.

The whole "but it's worth a lot of money" reason for holding onto something drives me insane. It's not worth a penny until you sell it, and if you aren't planning to sell it it's actually worth nothing. And it us costing you in terms of storage space and time spent cleaning it. Beaudes, your surviving relatives would almost certainly prefer to inherit a smaller amount and not have to sort and sell a load of crap, rather than have the hassle of selling this stuff as you think it will maximise the value of your estate only to find that actually it is only worth about £2.50 as nobody pays much for second hand any more.

And breathe...

Can you tell FIL has just tried to offload a cast iron pan on me saying "it's too heavy to lift or cook with easily but it cost £70 new so is worth something"? I said "no thanks". He's put it in the "to sell" box I made for him which thankfully he still hasn't put in the loft!

I'm all for offloading unneeded stuff and responding to queries with a vague "Oh it's around somewhere. Now, can I get you a nice piece of cake, and have you seen the beautiful tulips in the garden." Don't confess, just divert!

Decluttered kitchen today, lots of satisfying little jobs done: 3 half full packets of couscous combined into one empty jar. Old spices culled. A few broken/duplicated/unused bits of kitchen equipment removed. And all the crumbs in the drawers were hoovered up.

Now heading off to minimise the sausages by, erm, eating them

Hello all, former poster here under a new name, back needing all your thoughtful insights into our relationships with stuff.

that's my kind of minimalism, ever

I'm still working on my attic. trying to take it one thing at a time to avoid paralysis. its difficult though, somethings I can't give away or sell or send to charity which means the bin. I HATE throwing things away, I'm all about recycling

Oh! There's another one called Gousto, which lets you choose from a menu. I tried it out and the meals were excellent, but they only do 3 meals and also I particularly wanted to surrender the choice so didn't go with them. The Invisible Hand is showing six offers for Gousto.

I thought this article was very funny and true: Help! I'm being stalked by an online supermarket that wants a 'relationship' . This is what I'm trying to disentangle myself from! It's too much! I can't even remember my own anniversary, never mind Ocado's!

Years ago, when this sort of thing was less prevalent, British Gas phoned me up and berated me for switching energy supplier. I was so entertained by the madness I was on the phone for above half an hour with this fellow, as he told me that British Gas had seen me right, done me a great deal for many years and now the second they try to charge a fair price for their electric I was off and that wasn't fair (he actually said fair!). I'm sorry, I told him, but I feel that we've got different expectations of this relationship. I never meant to lead you on!

I'm going to give one thing away every day this Lent. I started with my old government lightbulbs (don't ask) yesterday and now I'm poking around for something else. Empty box files? A top? A DVD? No! A teapot.

There's something in the air with teapots... Sorting out MILs stuff with her on Saturday, I came across two one person teapots. She agreed to give one to charity, but wanted to keep the other for 'when one of us is eventually alone'. That made us morbid and sad, and then made us laugh at her preparing for that (hopefully a long way off) eventuality

I do agree with the "it's worth x amount" argument, I've had items that DM has insisted is worth x amount yet haven't been able to sell them for anything.. I currently have a wooden train/rail/road set and can't get it off my hands for anything (& I'm suprised I didn't get the "save it for your grandchildren" guilt). I know why she is like this, her DP's got rid of stuff the minute they thought shed grown out of them and as an adult, she has rebelled against that. I'm rebelling the other way so I do wonder what my dc will do (& I try to balance between getting rid of stuff of theirs and letting them decide iyswim).

I've talked to DH again and we are going to go with the "oh it's around somewhere" statesmen and I'm restarting my charity/sell/tip boxes today.

Lol everton! Do you think old age and being on your own is more likely to make you need a teapot?!

Daisy - she's already thought about the fact that their 2 person pot will at some point be redundant and need replacing, whereas I'd just live with the bigger pot and make a smaller amount of tea :)

I think it's always best to assume that anything other than genuine antiques or very useful stuff like buggies is worth nothing and make your decisions on that basis. So I eBayed some clothes last year and made £100. I was thrilled to have £100 rather than fretting that I didn't get enough, because I had written off the cost of them, assumed they were worth nothing and decided to just give eBay a quick go before I took them to the charity shop. In contrast, FIL remembers to the £ what he spent on his sofa 8 years ago so is already calculating what it's worth based on a percentage of that rather than thinking about whether anybody wants to pay for an 8 year old sofa. One of us is doomed to disappointment every time they try to sell something, and it isn't me