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Housekeeping

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Original poster

How do you ask your guests to remove their shoes?

87 replies

lostblonde86 · 16/11/2013 12:09

Just that really, we have around 12 people over for Christmas dinner, and at least half of them don't automatically remove their shoes at their the door (I was brought up with this being basic manors). Yes so there is a door mat for wiping feet HOWEVER this doesn't even get done!! How can I politely ask for the removal of all shoes before my carpets are messed up?

Yes I'm very fussy when it comes to our carpets! Smile

OP posts:
killpeppa · 18/11/2013 08:59

eugh everyone with their feet out turns my tummy. I hate feet!

wooden floor girl here.

superzero · 18/11/2013 09:03

I would just say,"Do you mind taking your shoes off please?"
When I go to a houseespecially if it is obviously all carpeted I usually ask if I have to take them off and despite me having slightly scruffy floorboards,lots of people ask me the same question

But,although it is your house and you can do what you like,personally I feel slightly uncomfortable in houses where it is an absolute rule (like MIL) as it's often not just the carpets that are a bit precious.
I would always make the effort to really wipe my feet and remove my DCs shoes if muddy so if I had done that and was then still told to remove my shoes I might be a bit offended.

On the subject I have visited a house where I was asked to put those blue plastic shoe covers on ,they had a stash just by the front door!

Saminthemiddle · 18/11/2013 09:10

I like my guests to take their shoes off but if they don't offer, I don't ask because I really want them to feel welcome. However, if they have walking shoes on, then I ask them as I have soft wooden floors. The worse people I find are family who walk throughout in whatever shoes they please. Oh yes, and my Australian friends....they walk through with wellies or muddy shoes. I think at Christmas you should allow shoes as there is nothing worse than having to wear some totally flat and non-fitting random slipper with a lovely dress or outfit.

QuinionsRainbow · 18/11/2013 10:50

When we had a new hall carpet laid a couple of years ago, we got one of those plastic runners and laid it the length of the hall starting at the front door. This gives a very meaningful hint to most visitors - even men coming to service the gas boiler etc. seem to get the idea!

expatinscotland · 18/11/2013 11:07

DD1 had a lowered immune system - she had leukaemia. We made sure she didn't put her hands on the floor and then bring them to her mouth. Hmm

And of course, the biggest risk of infection is not from a dirty floor but from contact with groups of people, you know, parties and such during cold and flu season Hmm.

specialsubject · 18/11/2013 11:42

there are shoes by both outside doors in this house - because we do a lot of walking and gardening, so get muddy, so take off shoes before coming in.

this means people often offer to remove shoes, to which I reply - 'don't worry if not muddy'. This seems a sensible compromise as it asks people to use their brains.

Most people I know will remove or change shoes on arrival, and teach their children to do the same. (Cue tiny shoes neatly lined up by door!) Elderly MIL always brings her slippers which she prefers to wear indoors.

SpookedMackerel · 18/11/2013 11:58

Unfortunately, you can't ask people to take their shoes off, it's rude.

You could leave a neat row of shoes in the hallway, and hope they take the hint.

You could maybe say something like "let me take your coat, don't worry just leave your shoes with the others."

You are the host. That means your main concern should be for your guests' comfort, not your carpet.

Conversely, your guests should be concerned for your comfort and happiness as their host, rather than their outfits, and politeness would suggest that they should ask if they should remove their shoes (to which you should respond something like "keep them on if you prefer, whatever you are most comfortable with" - you still can't tell them to take them off). If they don't end up removing their shoes, you have to just seethe inwardly suck it up. Anything else would be rude.

Minty82 · 18/11/2013 12:13

I'm really surprised by the number of people who think it's rude to keep your shoes on in someone else's house! I always thought this was a cultural thing - i.e. in most of Asia it's normal, and parts of Europe, but the UK is a shoes-in-the-house country, surely? Certainly when I lived in Asia all the local men would slip their shoes off and be sorted, while the European/American men would be caught out as they'd have to spend ages fiddling with laces - we don't anticipate having to take our shoes on and off very often in this country!

I usually don't bother with shoes in my own house, just for comfort, but would never expect other people to take them off unless they were muddy, and hardly know anyone who would.

hillbilly · 18/11/2013 13:13

We always remove shoes as soon as we get in, and I insist that the kids' friends do the same when they come over. Many of our friends also remove their shoes when they arrive but on an occasion like Christmas or a dinner party I would not expect it at all. It seems to be the same rules among most of our friends. I agree that shoes are very important to me when choosing an outfit and because I'm quite short, I like thew extra height of heels or wedges. I must add however that we don't have carpet.

Minty82 · 18/11/2013 15:43

Yes the dinner party thing - those of you who operate shoeless households, when you hold a party which people have dressed up for, do they really all come in and stand around with a glass of wine in their tights/socks? Doesn't that seem a bit odd?

expatinscotland · 18/11/2013 22:24

And what if they spill said wine or accidentally drop food ALL OVER your fucking carpet! OMG!!! Now they will walk over where it was in stocking feet and grind it into your fucking carpets!

Horsemad · 20/11/2013 11:11

This is why I don't host parties! Grin

Shoes off in this house; pale cream carpets & I'm VERY precious about them.

Davros · 20/11/2013 16:41

I always wear slippers in my own home so, yes I can tuck my feet up when watching telly etc. DH tried to enforce a no shoes policy out of the blue a couple of years ago, I told him to bog off. Surely anyone would offer to take off their shoes if it's wet or muddy outside but I don't see why otherwise. If it's going to be expected you'd better let them know ahead though, not spring it on them when they arrive

Girlsbrigadewashorrible · 20/11/2013 22:24

When I grew up, visitors kept their shoes on, as did the rest of the family. Even when new carpet was laid, no one was ever asked to remove their footwear at the door. It would have been considered very rude to make a guest feel uncomfortable. But when I met DH his family were clearly in the other camp and I got used to taking off my shoes in the hallway. I definitely agree that shoes are part of an outfit, so I arrive in driving shoes and change into my nice pair. It's silly really as their carpet is so grubby. We ourselves have a no shoes rule at home (especially bedrooms) for us 5 but guests can do as they please.

expatinscotland · 21/11/2013 16:54

Definitely stop hinting and be upfront so they can make other arrangements if they please. I would.

FixItUpChappie · 21/11/2013 17:06

You say "hi guys welcome, come on in, just kick your shoes pleas, I just washed the floor....anyone want slippers?"

Done and done.

Otherwise I don't have the patience to get into another shoe/house debate Grin

expatinscotland · 21/11/2013 17:12

You tell them beforehand, because my response to that at a dinner party would be, 'No thanks, this is part of an outfit. Have a nice Christmas,' and to leave.

FixItUpChappie · 21/11/2013 17:20

'No thanks, this is part of an outfit. Have a nice Christmas,' and to leave.

I would never have encountered someone that rude over an outfit and their shoes. Talk about caring more about things than people. So I guess horses for courses and all that.

UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps · 21/11/2013 19:44

I love MN. People get so worked up over this... Imagine not having Christmas dinner because you wanted to wear shoes.. Won't someone think of the turkey's that have laid down their lives for you!

No-one has ever complained in our house. Although we have had a few people in who didn't quite get the 'rows of shoes at the door' message but no-one died and my carpets were OK. Smile

VerySmallSqueak · 21/11/2013 19:47

Put an extra mat down and announce 'shoes off' to any kids,and hope the adults do the same.

MrsOakenshield · 21/11/2013 20:05

*'No thanks, this is part of an outfit. Have a nice Christmas,' and to leave.

I would never have encountered someone that rude over an outfit and their shoes. Talk about caring more about things than people. So I guess horses for courses and all that.*

But the shoes-off brigade care more about their carpets, don't they? But it's fine to be precious about them but not about shoes?

MrsOakenshield · 21/11/2013 20:05

tch, bloody bold fail.

lilolilmanchester · 21/11/2013 20:14

We don't have a shoes off rule. But if I visit someone who has that rule, I abide by their house rules (even if I am a bit Confused about it tbh) what I would say is make sure they know about it. I don't mind taking my shoes off but I DO mind having to take long boots off which are hiding unshaven legs and unmatching ankle socks ....

expatinscotland · 21/11/2013 20:41

You really expect guests to sit down to Xmas Dinner in socks and tights? For real?? Because you're too lazy to steam clean your carpets? And seriously, what if someone drops food or a glass of wine? Do you hover over them?

I mean, tell them rather than hinting or springing it on them so they can decide if they want to eat in a place where the carpets are more important than guests' comfort (it's winter, fgs).

MorgauseIsNotBlinking · 21/11/2013 20:46

I'd be a bit Hmm to be honest. I choose my shoes to go with my outfit and I don't choose slippers.

I'm with the "People's comfort before things" posters. I'd feel very uncomfortable all day.