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Housekeeping

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Original poster

School is Concerned... I'm Outraged

15 replies

Nadienoo · 12/09/2013 23:42

So hi everyone, I'm new! Just looking for some advice and tips really...

Yesterday my youngest DD had her school home visit and I thought everything was going well... I'm in the middle of a massive clean out and I mean huge... I had thoroughly done my downstairs and moved my sorting boxes upstairs and out of the way- to make a good impression, but still had a couple of bits behind the couch that were about to be moved. They turned up 15 minutes early, and I could hardly carry on when they were there... That would be rude right? Well DD's teacher asked for her birth certificate which was in the chest behind the boxes upstairs, so I went to get it and tripped over a box and went downstairs and everything went ahead in what I thought was a positive direction...

Well, today I went to pick up my eldest DD (6yo) and her teacher sends me through to the head's office because they want to talk to me.. All these thoughts rushing through my head- whats happened? Being the most obvious... Then Headteacher says "We are concerned about the cleanliness of your house" and basically makes me feel like the worst person ever- and practically insisting I let them call my housing association to arrange me to have help and making an appointment with the schools parent support person, and because its a Catholic school, telling me they are there to help as we are all a part of the "Church Family". Where was my "Family" when I asked them to keep an eye out for my daughter last year when she went to school the day after her great-nan died and I asked them to keep a close eye and was told they would, and then she came out of school crying because she tried to talk to her teacher and could not get her attention??

But they come into my house when I am purging my house of clutter, sit down for 10 mins and make an assumption that is what my house is usually like? And they are concerned??

I walked home from school with my daughter crying my eyes out, utterly fuming and I don't know what to do.. Of course the staff talk to inevitably they will have this opinion of me that is not true..

I'm already dangerously stressed- according to my GP, taking on a degree at Uni, looking for a job, bringing up two girls alone, moving house, grieving the loss of my nan and my aunt six months later, then having a miscarriage which caused my OH to leave me is too much for me to deal with and he's surprised I haven't had a mental breakdown...

And now this...

Sorry for this being long winded.... Just needed to get it out cos it was driving me mad!!

But anyway, Chin up and hows everybody been???

OP posts:

Jenda · 13/09/2013 01:40

That is bollocks! So sorry this has happened. I didn't even know home visits were a thing. when/if the housing people come round they will see that you have a clean, organised home and that dd has a bed, clothes and food and realise their time is being wasted! Seems like such an overreaction when there are so many kids living in poor conditions.

Hopefully someone with more wisdom and experience will be along soon, but I couldn't read and run.

Jenda · 13/09/2013 01:41

oh, and I applaud you for the big clear our, I have been meaning to start this every weekend for 2 years! and I don't even have kids yet so no excuses! sorry you have had such a shitty time recently

AmberGamble · 13/09/2013 01:51

OP - sorry you have so much on your plate but I think it is great your dd is going to a school that cares about her home life as well as her academic one. I also think it is likely that your home must have been a lot worse than 'a couple of bits on the couch' for a school to mention their concern.

I can see why you are annoyed but they offered to help as well as voicing concern. As long as you explained why your house was in such a state and you've sorted it out now, nothing will come of any subsequent visit and that will be the end of it.

Good luck with the clear out.

wafflingworrier · 13/09/2013 01:51

woah! they sound mental!

...have a cup of tea.

hope you're ok. im so glad my house isn't looked at by my child's school! eek! sounds like their standards may b a wee bit high!

TheFutureMrsB · 13/09/2013 01:56

I dread to think what they would say to me then , have decorated the living room and in doing so decluttered the toy corner and they have slowly made their way upstairs but onto the landing as before they can go in any bedrooms, I will need to make more room they did come from there in the first place??

My kitchen looks like a laundrette due to catching up with washing and y bedroom looks like a bomb has gone off! Not good at all.

Will be done eventually and now the kids are back in school it will all be so much easier.

Don't let it bother you, you've been through enough to let them get to you. Finish off your jobs and invite them back or tell them to get the 'help' you must need, they'll be proven wrong and you will have nothing to worry about.

Monty27 · 13/09/2013 02:05

Oh, so because you were a wee bit chaotic doesn't make you good enough?

God love them. Eh? I'd rip them apart personally. [catholic here who brought dcs up in same in England and was a single parent, I was more catholic than any of the hypocrites staff or parents in the place]

Stick up for yourself :)

BillyGoatintheBuff · 13/09/2013 02:19

If they offer practical help take it - they might be able to take thigs to the tip for you?

dimsum123 · 13/09/2013 07:13

Take the help. The job will get done faster. Ignore the rest of their stupid comments.

27cats · 13/09/2013 07:46

I'm appalled!
I work at a pre-school and have actually told parents that home visits are not about judging their house but about meeting the child in their home environment. I would be very angry in your shoes.
This is none of their business!

KoalaFace · 13/09/2013 07:54

Oh OP I really feel for you. I would be mortified if I was judged on the state of my home while having a huge clearout. It always looks like a bomb has hit.

Please be kind to yourself, you've been through an awful lot. If this visit from the HA is going ahead let them come and see your lovely, warm home and your happy DC and report back to the school they have wasted their time. Explain to the HA that you were having a big sort out and feel the school was very judgemental.

for you.

MrsHoratioNelson · 13/09/2013 07:58

I'm with Monty on the judgemental, hypocritical bastards I'm afraid. How dare they?

You clearly care enough to be having that sort out and the school will see that your daughter is well cared for, fed and loved.

I can only imagine that their judge pants are cutting off the blood supply to their brains. Fuck 'em OP, you know you're doing a good job.

Original poster

Nadienoo · 13/09/2013 10:41

Hi everyone, thanks for the support.

Have just done the school run and popped to the shop to get some redbull and babybels (my ultimate comfort food) and am now back home- currently on day 3 of clear out- just sorting out the boxes that I marked as unsure what to do with and majority is heading for tip I think...

Jenda- Thanks the shitty time is the reason for the clear out, fresh start in a new home and all

AmberGamble- I know its a good school, the kids love it! They just came at a bad time- I had it all listed out "have living room done by 11" so was nearing the final stages and had put the boxes in the alcove and the bits on my sofa were the stuff I had in my hands when the door unexpectedly knocked... If they had have come on time it would have been finished and put away- shit happens I guess lol . Yeah I told them what was going on and spoke to the head in the playground this morning and they got it, but it just got to me... I try so hard, but sometimes it seems like I'm getting nowhere with stuff and just being called on something like that when what I was trying to do was make the house more organised in the first place really got to me.

TheFutureMrsB- LOL I like your idea about asking them back round but thought that might sound a laugh wee bit confrontational

BillyGoat and dimsum- Yeah maybe, at the moment there is a skip in my back garden (thank god they didn't see that- back garden is a mess) and I plan on taking the help, but by the time the HA gets round to me it'll probs be done and they will say there is no problem.

27cats-That's exactly what we were told, and I was fuming yesterday but after sleeping on it, have decided that itsn not worth it as if they can make that assumption based on 5 mins in my house, let them get on with it, I held my head high as I walked into school this morning, they can think what they like

KoalaFace- Thanks for the . Like I said above, it'll probs be months before they get round to me...

MrsHoratioNelson and Monty- They were being judgy, and my DC's dad was fuming when I told him when he rang up to say night to the girls- we are still close, though anything more than a platonic relationship just wouldn't work atm ... At the end of the day these idiots people at the school, don't really know me, so in the light of day I don't think I actually care what they think this morning....

Whew- now that was an essay lol, Off to finish my tidying and then chill out...

OP posts:

HopeClearwater · 13/09/2013 16:12

Well either your house looks like something off Hoarders on tv and you're in denial, or they're nosy judgemental bastards. You poor thing.

HollaAtMeBaby · 13/09/2013 22:25

Sorry for your troubles. Could they have a point though? Can you look at the links on this page and be honest about how bad your house is?

Chubfuddler · 13/09/2013 22:33

Wow holla those photos are fascinating my house is tidier than level 1.

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