Mrs Rhubarbs Good Housekeeping Guide..................

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Q & A and top tips to be found here......

Forget papier maché - get some of that paper tape, scrunch the paper up to the right shape, wrap loads of tape round it and paint it, no-one can tell the difference.

Baking - give the kids flour, water, sugar etc and tell them you're making a cake. They make a fecking mess, you put it in a bowl and in the oven. When they go off, you chuck it in the bin, get out the cake you shop bought, stick it in the oven for 5 mins to warm it up and viola!

Painting - stick 'em in the bath with their paints and paper, then you just retrieve the paper afterwards and hose everything else down.

Costumes - there is no costume that cannot be made out of a black bin liner.

I'll post others as and when I think of them!

Any questions so far?

Love the baking one. Mind you I send DH to the office with DD's "culinary delights" (at her request) to share with his fellow workers .

Oh yes that's a good one, if they do happen to actually produce something from the kitchen, give it to your dh for lunch or to granny or anyone you want to get rid of!

Reading - we got dd to memorise a short book when she was 3. Whenever the HV came or 'peacock parents' we'd get out this book and she would read it out loud from cover to cover silencing any critics!

Potty Training - tie a plastic bag to their bums, they'll soon get the message!

Cleaning - fix a mop head to your child's swimming cossy and tell them to go surfing over the floor!

Annoying Children - tell them you are playing hide and seek and the last one to be found gets to eat a whole cake to themselves! Then put your feet up and read the newspaper!

how can i get blu tack out of the carpet, its everywhere?

Pour beer over it and get your dh to lap it all off.
If that fails make an appt with one of those carpet cleaning people, they clean your carpet as a "show", then invite all the neighbours kids round to hassle him until he runs off.

excellent!

Not a problem!

COME ON THEN! GIMME SOME QUESTIONS!

How do i get nosebleed blood out of a pillow?

Put it in the wash with summat red and have nice pink pillows instead!

And next time hit 'im somewhere else!

How do you get tomato sauce stains out of white clothes?

How do you retrieve sweetcorn that has been strategically inserted up a childs nose?

Same again for ear holes.

Do not ever buy white clothes. I make a point of putting any white clothes into a dark wash so that I don't have to worry about such things! Who wears white these days anyway?

As for sweetcorn into certain orifices - get the vacuum cleaner to suck it out. You could do it yourself but I think the vacuum is more hygienic. They then have to clean the toilet as punishment for sticking things into places they don't belong!

lol at hit im somewhere else! Good tip.:)

is it really possible to clean the toilet with vinegar?

How on earth would I know that? Surely you don't actually clean the toilet yourself do you? That's my favourite punishment to inflict upon the kids! I don't care what they clean it with, so long as it's sparkly and shiny!

what a great idea!

That's what I'm here for!

Aaargh! It does matter Rhubarb. I found dd 'helping' busily cleaning the toilet bowl with the special exfoliating sponge I use on my face! I threw it away, but dh took great delight in telling me she'd probably done it before and I hadn't known about it.

pmsl! Bet you look all sparkly though!

I am actually wetting myself with that thought!

Yes in a pine scented/whiffy sort of way