July's Fledgling Flyers: Summer holidays are on their way and the clutter is going to FLY away

[elliepac]

Welcome old and new fledglings to the July Fledgling FLYers thread!

Thank you very much to cpmpy for leading us expertly through June- it's been a while since I lead so I can't promise to be as efficient but will do my best . This will start by copying and pasting pmpy's original June post

If you're overwhelmed by clutter and general household grub then join us as we (loosely) follow the step-by-step Flylady housekeeping system or languish in the naughty corner hoping to do better tomorrow

As usual, we will be following the Flylady three-pronged approach:

1. Baby-steps (a daily step to establish routines)
2. Then baby-steps + 15 mins daily decluttering
3. (And once decluttered) babysteps + daily missions and maybe even detailed cleaning in the weekly zones

For more information have a look here, although to avoid a cluttered inbox, we advise not signing up to the Flylady emails. The basic principle is little and often and don't worry about perfection (no chance of that here!).

Don't worry if you are behind; just jump right back in and it will all come around next month again anyway!

All the links for the babysteps and missions will be posted here every day and we'll all be here to cheer each other on and chat our way through the month

Yeah there will not be any flying here today. PARTY day. off to do lots of fun stuff just not appreciating the fact it requires me to be out the house by half 9 in the morning. 30mins and I still need to get up and to make the pack ups I need more coffee!

Carpe - thank you. It is utterly exhausting, isn't it? And incredibly upsetting to see your child suffer. I hated telling my son, yesterday, that being sick from nerves was still no reason not to go to school . It goes against the grain. It was so much easier not to fight it and home educate him, but now he wants to try school and we have to support him in overcoming his anxieties so that he can do that. His anxieties are ruling his life and he hates it.

I'm glad you have had one good year with your child at school. I found that it depended entirely on the teacher and there was never a middle way: it was either a great year or absolutely disastrous!

A weird thing: DH and I have discovered that both of us have been cutting all our labels out of our tee-shirts recently because they are irritating our skin so much. I have had some of these tee-shirts for years and the labels never bothered me. But since everything went pear-shaped in the Toffee household, my skin has been incredibly sore - and DH has felt the same. Apparently, it's a sign of stress for your skin to become oversensitive. (The increased number of wine bottles in the recycling bag might be another indication).

It's great that you are feeling so good about Flying and what you have achieved, Carpe. I find Flylady helps me to focus on what I have done, rather than what I have yet to achieve. And having company on this wonderful thread makes all the difference.

Ellie - congratulations on your DNephew officially joining the extended elliepac family . I hope you have a great BBQ today. And, yes, it is good luck if a bird craps on your head.

Aiming to do my basic Flying routines this morning, then nip into town to buy a birthday present for a friend. Am looking forward to going out for wine and pizza on the beach with her tonight. MIL is coming to do DS2's bedtime because DH is still feeling ill.

Hope you all have good days.

It was so much easier not to fight it and home educate him, but now he wants to try school and we have to support him in overcoming his anxieties so that he can do that. His anxieties are ruling his life and he hates it.

We are pretty much on the same train. With DS not being made with great short term memory, especially if he doesn't understand the ifs, buts, whys and wherefores, the stress of the constant masses of rote learning just... diminished him. He went back after a couple of years of home ed when middle school started, but all the old demons came back. Watching your child slap himself around the head crying "I'm stupid"...just heartbreaking.

Internet based school saved both our sanity. I guess I could have done HE again, but it's not that great a fit for me, and he is getting so much more out of the expereince now I am just "mum" and not "mum/teacher". I have so much patience with my own students, just ...didn't seem to have enough boxes of the stuff when it was my own son's education in my hands. I felt overwelmed by the responsibility and the fear I was going to fuck it all up.

As soon as things start to slot into place I promise you'll feel so much lighter. It's only when the huge, emotional, all encompassing deadweight of watching your kid suffer that you realise just how hard it was.

The transition period is so so tough. Far wse than I think people realise when its not happening to them and they offer a lot of "just" based advice. But once the bits start to fit...both of you will feel such a benefit.

I'm sorry you're on the same train, Carpe . DS1 also has a terrible short-term memory, not to mention various 'diagnoses', and he simply doesn't fit the conventional school model. Like you, I gradually ran out of patience when trying to teach him myself and was quite shocked when he recently complained that I was more impatient than his teachers (I am generally seen as a very patient person!). It would do both of us good for me to be just mum again and not teacher, but whether this school will take him waits to be seen.

DS1 tried online learning through the LEA, but it was a disaster so we decided internet schooling wouldn't be a good fit.

You are right that the transition period is unbelievably tough. However, I know there are much, much worse things and feel guilty to even be complaining, considering what Trazzle is dealing with, day and night.

DS1's OCD is terrible today - thanks to the stress of going back for a trial at school and then his kitten being PTS - and his outbursts are stressful for all of us.

But I am running away to have an evening with my bestest friend later, so that will cheer me up .

Maaah don't worry Toffee, it's not a competition. I don't have the monopoly on shit things.

NB. I am stuck in an airless hospital room today. If anyone so much as mentions the sun or says "scorchio" I will come and kill you with my bare hands.

Thanks, Trazzles. It's cloudy here, if that makes you feel better .

Evening all,

I've been stuck in an airless windowless room all day too, but for a different reason, the long awaited ballet show. It's big, about 150 children, so a massive logistical exercise - I was a backstage chaperone with my friend, looking after 8 gorgeous but identikit 6 year olds in an upstairs, hot dressing room, with lots of running to the toilet and up and downstairs for rehearsals and finally the show this afternoon. It was not as hard as I had feared, a bit chaotic in the morning as we kept getting lost in the theatre which seemed like a rabbit warren, but felt we had got the hang of it by the show started and I felt really proud to have been part of it in the end. DD was not in my group but we were able to watch her dance from the circle which was a bonus. I'm taking DD and her best friend to the seniors show tomorrow, so yet more time at the theatre.

DH took DS to see Despicable Me 2 in the morning and then to Build a Bear, he has always wanted to go (DD went to a party there once and DS has always been a bit jealous). It was something we wanted to do for him before he gets too old (he's 9), he is so happy with his new bear tonight. He then had to sit through his boring sister's ballet, but never mind.

Not much Flying, we had to leave for the theatre at 8 this morning, got back at about 5 and went to the pub for dinner. I'm shattered now.

Ellie - so glad your sister has finally finished the surrogacy process, what a lovely thing to be able to celebrate. I just missed the bird poo trick yesterday, a whole lot dropped on the pavement just in front of me, gross.

Trazzle - hope Joe has improved today.

Toffee - thank you for explaining about the school, I had been very curious. I have got everything crossed for you and DS1, this must have been a very hard week indeed for you all. Interesting about the skin sensitivity, I get it sometimes when I have a cold and it is horrible. DS doesn't suffer with it generally but has spells wherre his socks are obviously bothering him a lot, I shall bear it in mind as an indicator of stress in the future.

Carpe - glad your DS has had a good year this year. Mine has too, although he has never had a really bad year some are definitely better than others and this has been one of the best for him - he has AS and speech / coordination problems and i worry endlessly about him. I get nervous in the summer about what the next year will hold for him.

So tired, going to say goodnight now.

Trazzles I spent the time avoiding the heat by hiding in a cold place, expect for the break when ds was running about a field and the pollen turned my eyes itchy and gritty with hayfever and my shoulders went from ok to lobster red in less the 20mins. I want the rain to come back and clear the air. I hate hayfever!

I'm not flying. I am pecking.

Wandering around the house doing llittle bits of each Big Job that is looming.

It's good becuase what normally happens is I go Armmargedon on a big job and the rest of the house goes to rat shit cos I can't do the HomeRoutines list AND launch a full blown attack on one hot spot.

So the house is staying under control and the big jobs are being nibbled into oblivion.

As a Tah dah! list it doesn't sound much, a drawer here, a shelf there, a wiping down a dusting off. But I can see dents and the dents make me feel happy. So I feel up to denting a bit more.

The only big job that will take a one day assult to make a difference is the Cabina Armadia (a tiny room that became a walk in wardrobe, becuase very old Italian houses do not have the right proportions for modern wardrobes). But I can do that when all my students go on holiday next week. Will spilt it over three days to avoid the "rest of house goes rat shit" effect. All the winter stuff needs to go away and the clothes reorganised, DS's too small stuff chucked, half dead knickers and bras eliminated, an iron hunted down and rediscovered. Just in case I ever feel like ironing something (highly unlikely)

With any lucky the pecking method will stop future big jobs from emerging in the first place cos I won't let them build thinking I need a full day to do it in, and just nibble it away instead.

The weather is not behaving. I was promised rain. Where is my rain ? Will risk a load of laundry and run and get it all if the heavens do open.

Hope everybody is looking at a better day than yesterday.

Drill still missing. Am looking at DH with suspition. He hates it when I start making holes everywhere. But they are USEFUL holes! How does he think all the shelves got up ? Stick on holes ? I think not.

carpe

It is too fucking early.

that is all!

Not in the house again today. no flying will be done. Not even renewing my soul. Today I am going to face one of my greatest fears in the name of allowing ds experiences that he will love and cherish. Tomo I shall renew my spirit and just sleep and still do fuck all!

CHBitchy

I'm an hour ahead of you. GMT+1 .... and a pair of swallows with the most dysfunctional marriage ever seen in the history of swallows have been sitting on the line under my bedroom window having their daily domestic for the last FIVE YEARS! making sure I never sleep past six once spring has sprung and their "love from hell" is in the air.

If he would just start bringing proper nest building materials I'm sure everything would be alright. But Enrico is nest building challeneged... if there is something large, spiky, hard and cold next to the lovely soft nest building materials I have taken to leaving right under his nose in the name of sleep defence...guess what he picks ? And then Cesira goes into suppressed rage mode, eruputting in Mount Etna like proportions at six am on the dot when she falls apart at the seams knowing she faces another day of hurling lumps of concrete like manure and barbed wire like dried grass out of the nest before it makes her babies emotionally damaged.

I am an animal loving pacifict. But dear god those two make me wish for a shotgun and the ability to use it by July.

Bitchy lecturing other about being up too early (pot, kettle) .

Carpe having been kept awake since the small hours by the sparrows which nest in next doors eaves (terraced house so about 5 ft along from our bedroom window) I know how you feel. All quiet now, but boy can those birds cheep.

DH has gone to work. My head is full of cold and my eyes are itchy (the skin not the actual eyes, I have sensitive skin round the eyes and something has set them off this week), need to go and get started with a few jobs.

Another Sunday morning spent crying alone following a row.

Currently wondering why the hell I haven't left. Oh yes, because I've got no money and nowhere to go.

Today I shall mostly not be flying, instead being angry at myself for marrying someone who has, against all my efforts, turned in to my DF.

Still at least we aren't in hospital

Trazzle. So sorry.

((trazzles))

Here is your link for today.

The babystep is laying out clothes This is one of the few babysteps that I actually do religously even if I do fuck all else .

Today is 'Renew Your Spirit Day'.

Enjoy everyone .

Another Sunday morning spent crying alone following a row

(((((Trazzle))))))

You are being so hit with the shitty end of the stick right now. It's like a life avalanche falling on you. I have a shovel. Where can we dig to help you haul yourself out ?

Oh, Trazzle. I'm so sorry. If you want to talk about it more, we are here. This thread is about much more than Flying.

((hugs))

Just dropping by to say hello and wish everyone well.

Sorry to have gone awol off thread. Been doing lots of dd-related things to keep her occupied, trying to plough through major (unFlylady-like) re-organisation and declutter of house and rl is currently throwing us a few curve balls in terms of ongoing and unexpected serious illness relating to family and friends. All of which needs our immediate attention.

Haven't caught up properly but just wanted to send sympathies to Trazzles - although words are of very little comfort I am sure when you are going through such hideousness - thinking of you x And glad you are out of hospital.

Many congratulations to your sister and your whole family Ellie on the formalisation of the status of the new(est?) member of your family!

Fascinating to follow your house projects Carpe!

Sorry to hear your dh is ill again Toffee and that your ds1's anxiety is 'peaking' again. (Use this word deliberately in the hope that it will 'trough' again too.) It sounds like such a good school. I hope ds, you and them can all come to some sort of workable accommodation.

Respect to all of you on the thread battling with sn issues and the state.

Sorry about your mil's cat Blue

Also have raspberry envy Swan (have at least managed to get a net on our not-so-bumper crop of blackcurrants this year)

Hope you are both feeling better goth and Asheth

Well done for surviving baking back stage ballet Whoknows!

Good luck today Bitchy!

Got to go. Off to watch Wimbledon final with friends this afternoon and loads to get done before then.

Oh - Body Clutter - spent entire day yesterday eating pizza and ice cream although tried to shove done plenty of salad as well

Waves to Feetheart Just PA Lauren Castle Fireandblood PolkadotR Ohhelpohnoitsa and everyone I have missed!

Checking in, don't like to just lurk,
40 hours done, 19 to go then 2 days off!
Shouldn't complain, the jobs a doodle, but the flat is slowly degrading.

Trazzles (hug)
Carpe I thought you were going to offer your shovel for a different use!

SC thanks for the good wishes, am almost feeling human today, but am dreading my next weigh in, as I've been eating like a horse these last 2 weeks.

Toffee my friend was in Steiner system for primary It worked very well. I think she had a friend who moved to Sussex just for the Steiner secondary - I will have to ask her. I sympathise so much with ds1. Yesterday I was consumed by anxiety over nephew coming to stay and trying to dovetail it with a party and dovetail that with arrangements for ds2 to stay at home because he couldn't cope with party (but of course wanted to go whereas other children didn't want to go, but needed to go, due to numbers catered for etc, and Dh going to York for another party. It was amazing how quickly I deterioated into a angry version of myself when all these things weren't inherently that alarming.
Nephew has arrived from African adventure, aged 17 and is presently being delightfully cuddly to children, possibly because he thinks they will disappear this afternoon and give him a break!! He is a bit shellshocked having spent two weeks in a very poor African village building houses, and keeps saying how lovely it is to have a shower. He said he was woken every morning at 5.30 by crowing cockerels - just to cap your story Carpe.
Trazzle I know that stress makes you feel very angry with the person who is not apparently making the stress go away but compounding it. Life with small children is a test for any marriage, let alone what you are both going through. I regularily used to spend Sunday morning in tears (usually over clashing demands of church and husband). It seems like a bad dream. And the worst of it with small children is that feeling is that there is no way out, you can't storm off saying "that's it", which makes you feel like you are powerless, which in turn leads to even more anger and frustration.

done
dd music practice with kind friend for her singing part in play
ds2 bike ride - and me vitamin D
ds1 sent to Mass by himself
and yesterday I got through all those hideous arrangements in one piece - I had anxiety dreams all night. I find socialising very exhausting clearly!!!
washing hung out
breakfast served
up early, and dressed children, against their wishes, in clean clothes. Ds1 was trying to wear his pyjama tee-shirt to church, and Ds2 is notoriously revolting in what he considers suitable wear - 3 day old socks etc.

Dh is away, which ironically is creating a slightly more laidback atmosphere as I'm not having to make any specific arrangements with him to do anything. I'm setting myself very small goals today, like stay good humoured and possibly take kids out for a sandwich in a cafe.

House is strewn with washing btw!

oh god. wasn't saying about others being up too early. Was supposed to mean that I was up too fucking early. And clearly was if my post was misunderstood that well.

To Do List.

Lambast DS til he remembers WITHOUT FAIL to charge his phone and TURN IT ON before he goes to youth club. In case of emergency. Like now. When our car won't start and we are 4k from town.

Luckily I caught his best mate's mum right before she turned her phone off before getting in the car and shooting up the autostrada. She called his mate, told both them to go to mates house, they'll get him back to us as soon as they can. Has the little ratbag called me ? No. Can I call him? No. Cos his phone is off. Either flat battery off or turned off.

Riot Act Planned.

Top of To Do List.

If I hadn't been able to catch his mate's mum with him uncontactable we would have been shit creek without a paddle.

Six months he whinged for that smartphone so he wasn't the only one with StarTrek flippy phone. The least he could do is have it on.

carpe ds1 has a phone but hasn't used it for 6 months. It is a losing battle. But at least he seems to return home like a pigeon. Yesterday he disappeared for an hour and half on our way back from party, but found his way home eventually (he had gone on a detour) I wonder whether it is all good training.

done
all four children swimming and two played tennis
cooked lunch (DH returned unexpectedly from York, so I was forced to revert to formal meals
row with Dh over homework needing to be done!

Rather a scratchy evening, but we have enjoyed the weather today, and our slightly bemused 16 year old visitor!

Put away all the washing
made an ironing pile for a few items
hung up previously ironed stuff
dw
table
rubbish
Ds1 did his Spanish under protest

Dh is reading scary book to Ds2, who promptly fell asleep. Then Dh fell asleep, which is why I am on the computer

Evening all. It's been such a lovely weekend here that I almost feel embarrassed to post when others are struggling. Yesterday combined picnic in the park, carnival/funfare, BBQ at home. Today was mostly about tennis. Miffed that I had to take DS2 out to a party at the beginning of the 2nd set and missed the historic moment, but the party itself wasn't too bad - from my POV, he had a whale of a time. Also meant that I got to watch the tennis with less nervous tension already knowing the result.

[Big hugs, and to all in need.]