Being a good mom - household wise

[jesstheworstmum]

I'm trying to put a lot of the great advice I've had on here into practice thanks so very much for all that :))

I was just wondering if anyone had any advice .... I missed out on having a mother role model and some days I talk to other moms and they mention things they do and it's like a light bulb moment !

For example someone said they put a double duvet wrapped round on a single bed for their wriggling kiddos that get cold in the night

And other mums seem to come out on picnics with their cold food so perfectly packaged !

Where does it all come from ?
I feel like I'm not doing it all well
Like I haven't been trained for the job !!!!

Thanks !!!!!!

i was exactly the same as you, looking at other parents and wondering how they do everything like that until my daughter made a new friend at school and her mum asked how i do things?? i was so confused.

Every parent does things differently and has their own things that they enjoy and are good at. maybe they have great picnics but you probably have other things that you have done without it even being a" lightbulb moment" in ur eyes but it would be to a different parent.

confidence is the key.

I don't have a mum, just a dad who bumbled through my childhood trying his best.

I find the same as you, without the guidance of a motherly figure sometimes I feel a little lost.
I have a few friends who I admire their parenting style of and I just quiz them now and again, they don't mind. One of them sees a lot of her mum and I often end up having coffee with the both of them, then I ask her mum things too. I think my friends mum finds it flattering that I value her opinion and I get some motherly advice so it is win win really.

My mum isn't here anymore and hasn't been while I've had my own home and children. I also find myself watching what other mums do.

I do have a Mum, but she didn't really parent us so I feel the same. Sometimes people will refer to their daily domestic lives in a sort of "as you do" way I'm surprised that's how people live. I've sort of made it up as I've gone along, with a lot of help from MN. Most of my parenting is as a direct result of my Mum, but she's the example of how not to do it.

I'm kind of in the same boat. MN is such a help.

Might be a good idea for us to list those lightbulb moments to help each other

I don't think it's about 'training' or having a role model. I just think different people are interested in/good at different things. Before when I was single I was really on top of work and my life. I also try to be very on top of things now I have a family. I think it's more about your approach than anything else. Since all of my friends are very glam, single career girls I turn to MN a lot.I have no mum friends! Also I read blogs and use Google a lot.
More than anything else I try to think ahead and think what works for me, what my challenges are and what would be good solutions. If someone else gives you tips or ideas that work then that's great! it's putting those ideas into practise that make you a good mum, who cares if you didn't come up with it

I'm sure the picnic packagers have their inadequate moments too! Don't feel bad, we're all on here pinching ideas just like you, and they're often borne out of bitter experience rather than good role models. I'm sure you're a great mum because you like to take new ideas on board

I sometimes feel I missed out on learning a lot of household stuff because my parents died when I was a teenager. I'd learnt to do the basics like vacuum a carpet, but didn't realise that you have to empty the bag sometimes, and I'd been in my own home for more than a few years before I realised that sometimes you need to wash things like paintwork. I'd like to have more of the skills that my parents had.

I suppose some of the clever ideas are just someone's idea which gets passed on, and some come straight out of our own heads! I think here is a good place to pick up ideas.

As much as I loved my Mum she didn't really do housework, only the essentials and worked full time and my Dad worked away. So I was a latch key kid for Junior 2/yr 4

I learnt to cook with my older sister because she became veggie and my Dad only cooked meat, potatoes and 2 veg. My Mum merely reheated stuff or we ate snack food for dinner, she was never taught to cook herself and never tried!

I did the basics of housework at uni but then became a hotel cleaner just to have any job after graduation and so learnt the true art of fast cleaning then.

Parenting wise, I have never had huge input from my Mum, she was great when I asked her stuff but obviously comes at it from one hell of a different angle than me.

Because she worked full time we generally entertained ourselves, I am a SAHM and have been for 9 years so I spent loads of time doing stuff that both me and the children liked, ie playdoh, painting, sticking your hand into a giant bag of lentils to feel the texture etc. It was the stuff I felt I had missed out on when I was a little girl

MN is a great help because of the sheer variety of ways people raise their children. Also Pinterest has lots of fun ideas (depends on the age of your children, just go into the kids section on there)

My mum is still around but she is the most untidy and dirty person I know! I honestly never picked any tips from her, worked full time, dad did the hoover on Saturdays, sge did a big clean every 3 months or sk (huffing puffing, we all had to get out of her way while she cleaned). From the age of 12 I cooked my own supper (omellettes, toasted sandwiches, pasta later on).
When I was 19 I moved out and started picking up tips on cleaning the house from my flatmates. I learned to cook by watching Delia and other cookery programes on TV. In fact I think that living with my mother and seeing the state of her house now has turned me into a cleaning freak! My friends often comment on my fabulous cooking and I feel a bit of a fraud (cooking lessons on bbc's good food magazine are brill). I learned how to descale my toilet on this board last week!
What I am trying to say is that 'you've got to have it in you, you've got to love living in a clean and organised house', sometimes you don't learn this from your mum.

Hi Jess, hope you are keeping well.

My mother was a SAHM and in theory I should have learned alot from her, but I didn't. I think it was a combination of things - she is not good at sharing and I, quite frankly, wasn't interested. Now I have my own family I wish I knew more but I am muddling through.

I have learned more about 'systems' and routines on here than anywhere. I have also realised through this board how much keeping the house running smoothly is a mindset. It's not just about the act of cleaning but how a person thinks - I have struggled to change from a 'leave it to later' person to a 'don't put it down, put it away' person. I'm still trying!

Thanks everyone so much for your comments and tips
Will have to read
More avidly on here !