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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

Original poster

Worst stories from cleaners, please!

31 replies

buildingmycorestrength · 20/05/2013 22:17

Just a bit of fun, and maybe also to make me feel better about my housekeeping 'skills'...

...if you are a cleaner, or employ a cleaner who tells you these things, what is the worst house you/they have ever cleaned?

One of my lovely cleaners told me about students who needed a sudden clean as the landlord was coming over, and she just had to bin virtually the whole kitchen, saucepans, plates and all, as everything was crawling in maggots. Bin bags had never been thrown out and had just pulled up to shoulder height along one wall.

Do share! But make sure they are really awful so I don't wonder if it is me you are talking about...Hmm

OP posts:
KatyTheCleaningLady · 21/05/2013 00:42

I wouldn't take a job like the one you described, but I have cleaned some filthy houses where elderly people were unable to really clean any more. Nothing shameful, really. But sort of sad.

I once spent five straight hours cleaning a small kitchen that was encrusted with grease. Elderly couple. Very sweet and superficially tidy, actually.

AdoraBell · 21/05/2013 03:14

I'm abroad so my stories are not about filthy jobs, rather a very different approach. Like another expat's cleaner used Cif with a scrouer on the car. Another who used neat bleach on stainless steel appliances.

One of mine - when I was brainwashed into having one - used Cif on saucepans and put DD1 in hospital for a week by taking an old toothbrush from the bathroom bin and putting it back in the glass. We're in a country where in most places loo roll isn't flushed but put in a bin. And someone we know had a cleaner who re-routed the electricity because a fuse blew. Apparently she pulled cables out, cut this bit and reattached it. Job done.

I also wouldn't take on the student's house. Elderly or disabled people who cannot clean I would help, able bodied students in a panic because they haven't botherd, no way.

Original poster
buildingmycorestrength · 21/05/2013 10:50

I do feel a bit sick at the toothbrush story. How awful.

Is this unkind, this thread? I don't mean to laugh at people who obviously can't do it, but people who should know better. Blush

OP posts:
babySophieRose · 21/05/2013 11:32

Should be dust, i hate a very dusty house where you have to clean every single piece of junk lying around. And also a shower cubic where the shower head is fixed to the wall and you can't rinse it. After builders is also horrible.

BlingLoving · 21/05/2013 11:36

What I always wonder is does my cleaner notice if the house is particularly dirty (or clean) on a particular week? Or if things have changed? I always feel a bit self conscious if we've had a crazy week so our usual surface cleaning hasn't been done to the normal levels so the house is definitely cleaner.

And I always wonder if she turns up and thinks, "Oh, look, their DS has all new bedding" or frankly if she couldn't care because she's just focusing on getting things done.

smearedinfood · 21/05/2013 11:42

My cleaner tends to move a toy cow around the house. I think it confuses her as she's not sure if it's an ornament or what. Always makes me smile when I see him pop up.

Original poster
buildingmycorestrength · 21/05/2013 11:52

I'm sure my cleaners notice the state of the house. I don't feel particularly self-conscious about it any more...well, much.

I'm pretty sure I'm within normal range. But I do love hearing about the really bad ones. Grin

OP posts:
KatyTheCleaningLady · 21/05/2013 14:41

Okay, I can talk about this one as it was years ago and far away from my current location :

Single mum with four kids, a cat and a dog. Understandably busy, so no surprise the house was messy.

But, as time went on, it got worse and worse. She stopped doing any washing up, and I would have a sink and counter piled high with dishes, pots and pans. Clutter got out of control, with clothes carpeting all the floors, cascading down the stairs.

The final straw was the toilet in the family bathroom broke. I would flush it by pouring a bucket of water down it and then I would clean it. Her children kept using that toilet and I'd come in to a week's poop soup.

I finally told her I wouldn't clean the bathroom until the toilet was fixed and she got all mad and fired me.

At the time, I felt bad. Now, I would fire the client.

BeCool · 21/05/2013 14:56

I hired a cleaner to do a flat clean when moving - I was 5 months PG & had a dust allergy.

English was not her first language. I left out all the ecover cleaners etc - I can back after a couple of hours to find she had cleaned the entire flat with (not ecover but hardcore) limescale remover :(

Original poster
buildingmycorestrength · 21/05/2013 21:23

Hopefully that took all the pesky lime scale off your mantelpiece then!

OP posts:
KatyTheCleaningLady · 21/05/2013 21:26

If it was marble, it might have taken the mantel off the mantelpiece!

IDismyname · 21/05/2013 21:29

Why am I getting Karcher steam cleaning adverts as I view this thread??

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 21/05/2013 21:29

Lurkinv

MoodyDidIt · 21/05/2013 21:32

Oh i could tell some tales, i am a cleaner

used condoms scattered all over the bedroom floor - and the (female) clients DH was away at the time Shock

toenail clippings in the KITCHEN, swept up in a Pile Confused

shaved pubes all over the toilet seat and bowl (looked like the person had been sitting on it backwards to do the job iyswim)

Original poster
buildingmycorestrength · 21/05/2013 22:58

Eeeewww! YUCK!

Properly shameless!

OP posts:
OverAndAbove · 22/05/2013 22:18

It's not humorous as such, but just odd:

My cleaner always asks me "how are the children?" Well, I have one, and only one. It's very obviously a one-child house - there's one child bedroom with one bed in it. No sign of any other small creature. One set of everything.

It's not a language issue - she's asked the question in many different ways. I am just intrigued as to where she thinks we keep the other offspring!

AdoraBell · 26/05/2013 23:11

Overandabove maybe she can't understand single child families and is trying to hint that you need at least one more? We had loads of people asking how many more DCs we were planning for because of the size of the house. Confused

TerraNotSoFirma · 26/05/2013 23:33

I used to clean timeshare lodges, one Christmas these pigs teenagers had left the following for me to clean up...

Every dish, pot, glass and cup lying dirty
A jar of Ann summers cock rub in the freezers
Had wanked onto the top of every made bed
Bathroom in a state
Pages from a gay porn mag hidden beneath the sofa cushions, in the folds of the curtains, even in the bible.

AdoraBell · 27/05/2013 00:32

Terra that's truly disgusting, was there no one you could have reported them to, or was it case of losing the job if you complained?

Fanjango · 27/05/2013 00:39

I used to clean private houses. The mess you face can be a real eye opener! The worst has to be stepping on something by the breakfast bar in the kitchen and finding it is a pair of dirty Knicks, complete with period stains euchhhh

TerraNotSoFirma · 27/05/2013 17:53

Adora, I complained and they were banned from booking again.
I had to call my DH in tears and tell him to bring disposable gloves and our own Hoover which was better than the one in the lodge, he stayed and helped until it was clean.

The next day I turned up to clean another departing lodge, here was the conversation....

Woman: we'll be leaving in a second, sorry about the mess.
Me:oh don't worry, I'm sure it will be heaven compared to the one I had yesterday.
Woman:oh it wasn't lodge xx was it? My son and his friends were in there.(am sure she was only joking at this point)
Me:it was actually, hang on they left some lost property I'll give it to you to save us the postage, I'll just nip to the office and get it.

I return from the office and hand her a carrier bag full of gay porn and a jar of cock rub.

TerraNotSoFirma · 27/05/2013 17:55

Damn it, that was supposed to show a conversation with the me: and woman: but it turned into faces, ah well you get the jist.

OrangeFootedScrubfowl · 27/05/2013 18:26

Ha!
"Dear, you left your cock rub in the lodge, here you go."

Original poster
buildingmycorestrength · 27/05/2013 19:30

That is a fantastic ending to a disturbing tale!

OP posts:
bowlingforsoup · 27/05/2013 21:20

I was a housekeeper in a busy hotel when I was a teenager. I have seen it all. I once stripped back bedsheets to find the a-z of sex toys covered in dried blood, semen and what I hope was chocolate body paint (i think it may be been feaces). I just pulled the duvet back over it and left it there. I couldn't believe that people would just leave it in the bed knowing that housekeeping would be changing the sheets that day.

Used condoms all over the bedroom floor, dirty knickers in a drawer, sick in bins, pillowcases, behind the radiator (it was switched on), shit in the wardrobe, shit up a wall, carpets ripped up... This was all in the one room made by 2 rather upmarket guests who obviously couldn't handle their drink.

We used to be given extra money for cleaning up extreme mess. I always volunteered to clean the disgusting rooms because the extra 20 quid or whatever always came in handy.

I still love cleaning and would go back to a housekeeping job if i ever needed to. It was great fun.