getting boyfriend to declutter.

8 replies

qazxc · 07/10/2012 22:46

Just fishing for some advice.
we are thinking of moving and trying for a baby so i have started to declutter as the house is groaning at the seams.
I will admit that a lot of the stuff is mine (lots of clothes to slim into, cds, dvds and books, as well as semi sentimental mementos). I am being ruthless, anything that i don't use, isn't seriously sentimental is going into bin or charity shop.
Sadly my boyfriend is in denial, he doesn't realise how much of the stuff is his and i don't want to chuck his stuff out without his knowledge. for example he has about 6 pairs of jeans that have holes in the crotch that he will not throw out as he "is going to have them mended".
Any idea how to get him to part with stuff without nagging or going behind his back?

OP posts:

deleted203 · 07/10/2012 22:48

None, I'm afraid. But if you come up with a method that works please share it . I'd love to be able to get rid of most of DHs crap.

Original poster

qazxc · 07/10/2012 22:52

the trying to show him stuff he never uses/wears to suggest we donate it has backfired as he now surrounded with stuff crap like a kid at christmas with a big smiley face, repeating "I'd forgotten I had that! Great where did you find it!".

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Original poster

qazxc · 07/10/2012 22:58

He is now "checking" my donate pile. Making sure i really want to get rid of various pieces of tat, "but this could be useful. you might need that......"
I have a feeling that he might try to "rescue" a few most of the pieces.

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deleted203 · 07/10/2012 23:04

. Oh God! I know that one. DH is as bad as the DCs on this. Best suggestion I can make is to let him go through your pile and make vague noises in return and then when he's out tomorrow chuck out what you were going to anyway.

Startailoforangeandgold · 08/10/2012 00:03

Good luck, I'm trying to get DH to get rid of the electronics magazine heap.

They are way out of date, he always googles stuff and the boxes haven't moved for years.

AdoraBell · 08/10/2012 15:27

GO NOT let him touch your things once sorted. He will reclaim as much as possible and you'll never make progress. Get your recycling/rubbish out of the house today if possible or ASAP. Then, if you do have children, teach them to do the same. Toys get donated to children who don't have any toys, ditto clothes & books, DVDs. BF isn't going to change until he sees that there is a problem and that problem belongs to him. With hindsight I wouln't have DCs with someone who can't let go of junk. But that's just because I now have 3 of them in the house.

With the jeans, give him a time frame for getting them fixed or getting rid of them. Things that "might be usefull" eBay it, if it is usefull someone will need it and buy it. Clothes/shoes that no longer fit, loads of people all over the world can't afford to buy clothes, this is what charity shops/bags are for. Any and all new purchases, one in one out. Before the new thing arrives he/you have to get rid of something to make space for it. This is very important. Did you see the threads relating to that house on right move last week. My OH and both DDs all said, individually, "is that Mum's/grandma's house?"

Felicitywascold · 08/10/2012 17:31

Any and all new purchases, one in one out. Before the new thing arrives he/you have to get rid of something to make space for it

My DH used to be a hoarder (of almost reality show worthy horror), and this is a rule we stick to religiously now. I also set firm deadlines eg- that shelf must be clear by X date. Small steps is the way to get results, he'll never declutter it all by the weekend. (It took my DH 21 months to get to the point where we would be able to live together...)

I don't mean to make it sound like I treat him like a child. I really don't! It is just this one area where he has a blind spot. It only works because he doesn't actually want to live in clutter (although he did whinge that our house doesn't look lived in the other day- it SO does!).

Original poster

qazxc · 08/10/2012 18:55

He is out recording tonight (he is also a musician although the mounds of music gear don't bother me as long as they are stashed in his music room).
I am taking the opportunity to blitz through a few cupboards and hide the evidence til i can bin or donate. Mwah ah ah [evil laugh emoticon].
He is a brilliant boyfriend in every other way but cannot see clutter or dirt, left to his own devices he would live in something out of "how clean is your house".

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