October-fest: a fledgling (at best) might spruce up its nest (then take a rest?).

[strictlycaballine]

Welcome to the October 2012 Fledgling Flyers thread. Park your mops, buckets, microfibre cloths, golden dusters and spiders-web-removing-implements here!

A huge "thank you" to Whoknows and Pushme for leading us throughout September!! (Hope you are recovering well Whoknows - take it steady!)

If your house is a mess and you are strugging with C.H.A.O.S. (can't have anyone over syndrome) and S.T.U.F.F. (something that undermines family fun) then this is the thread where we (loosely) follow the step-by-step Flylady housekeeping system (in our own, unique, relaxed style) with lots of chat, support and along the way.

This little-and-often system is designed so that you can follow a series of steps and routines each day (which gradually become second nature) in weekly designated zones of the house; defining and minimising housework - which in theory should leave you with more time to do other more interesting things instead! At the same time it is intended to reduce that panicky "rabbit in headlights" feeling when you are overwhelmed and everything needs doing all at once. No problem if you miss a day or two; just jump right back in and it will all come around next month again anyway!

We advise not signing up to receive the Flylady e-mails as you will be inundated! All the information you need will be linked here on a daily basis.

From the first of the month, we will be following Flylady's steps and routines using a three-pronged approach (dependent on the stage everyone is at):

• start or repeat baby steps

• repeat baby steps + do 15 mins a day decluttering in the current zone

• reinforce babysteps and do daily missions if you have finished decluttering.

[And if you are really enthusiastic and have finished decluttering - you can go on to detailed deep cleaning in each zone.]

More info here on getting started, and the flylady system here and here Don't be put off by the barf-tastic language of the site - the underlying system is sound.

All welcome!!

Actually sleep wasn't an issue. It was the coping with someone in his space. not being able to wonder off and zone out with his time and the fact that he struggles with social skills so such long time of expected was draining on him. He did really well. was very pleased with him and we managed to push him outside his comfort zone to the point where he wasn't coping and needed calming/ sorting but not so far as to trigger a major meltdown. a couple of minor ones. Really proud of him but waiting to see whether there will be fall out over the next few days. I have already said it can happen again. must be mad

erm sure there was other stuff but keeping eyes awake is becoming difficult. so will give up and find sleep night.

Morning all!

Excellent news about the sleepover bitchy!

Not much flying here today- I need to take the horse to the vets and then I'm having high tea with my nana for my birthday present at risk of sounding very selfish, I don't mind doing things like this and if I was asked I would have volunteered no problem, but I received a text with a date and time saying "and could you pick your nana up on the way". So I've been left to sort Childcare and a whole afternoon of my time off has been stolen. I know I know ill give myself a and stop moaning

Moan away. I hate it when people organise me like that. Takes no time at all to ask.

Morning! I think i have inadvertently been asleep for a month or so and woken up in December. It is chuffing freezing and we woke up to snow showers.

Not sure what I am going to do today. Currently I am sat in my pj's thinking. That might be as far as i get although i do need to get some food as the cupboards are bare.

bitchy well done to ds. What a massive achievement for him!

I am now going to carry on thinking about what I might do.

Bitchy swan ds1 hasnt had a sleep over in years due to the meltdowns, the only way I have managed to combat it in the past is by having friend sleep in a separate bed, he has managed to sleep at one of his friends homes on a number of occasions, however his mum has returned ds1 at 9 in the morning absolutely knackered due to the fact ds1 hasn't slept, she has also slept in the same bed as him before to calm him, and ended up with bruises all over her legs where he dug his toes in. He has only ever slept at this friends house and no other friends unless I'm present.

bitchy your ds sounds like he done very well, i do hope he doesnt have a fall out in the next few days :)

Also did anyone watch loius therons program last night about drugging kids? basically he was in america, and there were children with adhd and autism and a whole range of other things too, like ocd and anxiety and bipolar, and apart from the asd, everything else was medicated for, there was a child who was six who had been given citralopram!! (I had citralopram once, I was on it for three days and asked the doctor for something different because I just couldn't function) I have never heard of a kid being diagnosed for bipolar let alone medicated for it. Its made me think twice about going through the medication with ds1 thats for sure. the worst part is these parents actually prefer there kids on meds, its so sad.

Afternoon all,

Bitchy well done to DS on the sleepover. My Ds had his first one a few months ago and it went well, the friend he invited is very laid back and it was his first sleepover too. My Ds got up in the morning and went downstairs leaving friend asleep on the bedroom floor, which was a bit antisocial, but other than that coped well. It was nerve wracking for me!

Gossip - has that programme been on before, I think i might have seen some of it last year but turned off because it was upsetting.

Ellie no snow here but my cousin in Newcastle has posted some lovely snowy pics on FB this morning. Have you had snow Lauren?

Swan glad you've finished the secondary forms, it sounds very complicated especially with two children. Hope you manage a relaxing weekend and that DH gets on top of his computer issues on Monday.

Lauren high tea sounds nice even if it is a bit of a hassle.

Well, I am definitely regaining strength, I have been more active this week. I am alternating lazy days with busier ones and finding less strenuous ways of doing some of my usual jobs, for instance I can prepare food and cook it if someone puts the pans out on the cooker beforehand and I scoop the food out afterwards instead of lifting and draining.

Took the DCs outside to sweep leaves off the drive this morning, there are horse chestnuts over the road from us which gives us a lot of sweeping. I gave the DCs a snow shovel each and let them get on with it, they really enjoyed it even though the wind kept blowing all the leqves back on. Dh has taken them to the beach this afternoon. Dinner is in the slowcooker (I can put stuff in so long as Dh lifts the dish out afterwards) and I am settling down to crochet and more online Christmas shopping.

Have a good weekend everyone

Afternoon all! Well, all that sitting and thinking paid off as I hatched a cunning plan. 7 main rooms in our house and 7 days until next Friday when we are at the caravan for the weekend (thank god it's got central heating). Every room needs a really good clean out and deep clean so a room a day should work. Today, I have done the living room, changed furniture around, cleaned skirtings etc and returned all dd's crap to her bedroom. It looks so much better.

Am also having a ponder on bedroom arrangement. DS has the biggest bedroom in the house and DD has the boxroom. This worked fine for ages as DD was too small to be playing on her room on her own. However she is now nearly 5 and when tidying the living room nearly all the stuff I had to return upstairs was hers and it took a shoehorn to get it all back in her room.

DS however has a large room full of stuff he never plays with and space he doesn't really need. He uses his room for his xbox, playing lego and pottering about at his desk. He doesn't play with the big stuff anymore and can usually be found slouched on his bed gaming or reading etc. he doesn't need the space. Therefore my genius idea is to swap them rooms (although this would involve complete redecoration, new beds etc). DS can do his crafty stuff downstairs but then all toys downstairs (we currently have dolls house, crafty stuff, drawing desk etc. in living room) can go upstairs where DD can have more space. Just need to sell it to DS now and find the pounds for the transformation.

whoknows good to hear you are on the up .

Back later.

Bitchy you have hit the nail on the head there with the wandering off stuff. I now wonder whether pushing ds to be "responsible" for a friend might be in fact a really good way of conditioning him. Atm he is so used to us all looking after him and his needs, that he doesn't change at all when he has a guest...a bit of a vicious circle, as then he gets less practice because we don't leave him to do his own thing with friends very often and it is now got to stage where we don't even bother inviting anyone over, as it is too stressful. I WILL TRY HARDER!

Busy morning, a bit emotional, but boys played football and helped their dad do jobs around the house and garden. Ds1 mowed the lawn
dd hoovered the playroom
ds2 hoovered the bedrooms
dd and I went to PO and picked up those pesky hairstraighteners which had been delivered when we were out on Friday.

Today there has been a lot of hairstraightening going on! Currently sat on bed, covered in blobs of foundation, and my personal hairdresser ironing my hair

Also attempting to tidy the boudoir. [sigh] I seem to have nothing to wear anymore except several pairs of size 12 trousers which don't fit Maybe a declutter too far...bring back those saggy skirts I threw away last year...

Ellie ds has the boxroom, dd has the bigger room for that reason. Be prepared to get cross about the state of her room in years to come though

Gossip - I'd like to see that Louis Theroux programme - will check it out on i-player. I think medication is much more easily prescribed to children in America, from what I've heard. I am not anti-medication, although it wouldn't be my first way of dealing with a problem. DS1 has been on Prozac for a year, but only after years of trying other methods of dealing with his issues and only when his OCD went so out of control that it seemed cruel not to try medication to help. It has made a big difference to him and means he has opportunities to do things he wouldn't otherwise be able to do (like go to his friend's house).

Bitchy - great news on your DS's sleepover! Cross fingers there is no fall out from it later.

WhoKnows - glad to hear you are feeling stronger - but still be careful not to overdo it.

ellie - I know what you should do - rest! You have had an exhausting term and today is the first day of the holiday and you should be taking it easy.

Swan - good luck with your DH being at home every day! There is bound to be an awkward transition period. Well done on getting the forms done for secondary school places.

Yes, SC, I love that Woodland Trust website. It seems to have an endless amount of free printables.

lauren - grr, that would annoy me too. I hate other people organising me!

ThatsNice - welcome! I think we are probably all the same with dipping in and out of Flylady here, which is why we need reminding and encouraging. Like you, I have found certain routines have stuck though, which is useful (I always swish and swipe in the bathroom, for instance).

IWipeArses - hope you made the most of your free house. What a luxury!

Had a very, very difficult morning and ended up shouting at reprimanding the children in public . I had walked us and my mum down to a book swap run by the local children's book group, but both boys were in a foul mood about being pushed out of a nice warm house on the first day of their holidays. They behaved really badly at the book swap - mucking about together, refusing to choose books, tugging at me and begging to go whilst someone was chatting with me - and I felt mortified. Especially as my mother was with me. However, eventually they both cheered up and arrived home in good spirits - whilst I just felt fed up and exhausted!

It's freezing here. We have put the log-burning stove on for the first time this winter.

Coming in to wave and say am keeping up with everyone?s news, but been too exhausted to post, and have to get back to it now, so apologies for no personal's, but wanted to say I refused to drug ASD son despite pressure to from school and at one point, SS, and have accepted the rough with the smooth and broken nights, but looking back I?ve absolutely no regrets about it, it was the right call, and it still is. [hsmile]

Foot?s still a mess and backs been a problem, lifting from a wheelchair is an art form I haven?t mastered.
Home ed?s been reduced to coursework and revision, it?s a week later and I?m still dealing with sludge and sorting through destroyed stuff. Insurance unit?s been left open for now, mainly because none of them can face the sight of me.
In the meantime the sewer?s collapsed here, and they?re smashing down a wall and jack hammering the concrete to get to it!

I should be distraught but I haven?t got the energy.

The generator, noise and sheer yuckyness will no doubt cause complaints tomorrow, but I now have a fixed mud monster outfit, look, and stare that seems to be keeping everyone at bay, ever the sewer guys are keeping their distance!

Sorry Toffee I posted without seeing your post, and now mine reads differently from how I meant! I didn't mean to suggest anything other than people shouldn't feel pressurised. Please excuse me, I'm pretty exhausted. Slides off mortified to mud fest.

Just - please don't worry about it - no offence taken . If the drugs had been simply to get DS to school I would have said no (since that was a changeable situation), but it was when he was reduced to living in one room by his OCD that I reconsidered. Before that, I had always refused. I also felt that he had reached a developmental age where it would be less risky (12). Incidentally, the psychiatrist wanted to put his meds up last time we met and I said no because DS is doing well at the moment. I did feel a bit about her willingness to put him on a higher dose.

I'm so sorry your life is so difficult at the moment. I don't know how you keep going with any home ed at all in your circumstances. I wish there was a magic wand I could wave to make it all better for you.

Nope, that didn't work. Maybe this will:

just life sounds so difficult at the moment round your way and I think you are coping remarkably well. Have some of toffee's , it has restorative powers .

After quite a productive day, DC's and I are settling down to watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang for a couple of hours. Lounging on my sofa in pj's is my favourite place to be on Saturday night...oh how times have changed..

toffee don't worry, relax I will. Doubt the vast majority of the grand plan will happen anyway. I'm great at planning stuff, just not very good at carrying them out

Hi all!

Despite me dragging my feet and sulking about it I actually had quite a nice afternoon vets was cancelled too as the horse seems sound for now so I've had quite a relaxed day considering! It was nice to come home to a clean house too!

bitchy and toffee I'm glad it's not just me that doesn't like being organised by other people! If it wasn't for my nana I would have loudly objected and looked ungrateful

ellie and whoknows we had lots of snow here last night but it was all gone by this morning I love snow!

Good to hear you are starting to feel better whoknows!

ellie the room swap sounds good!

Don't forget the clocks go back tonight those in the uk!

Lots of snow here!

Have had an interesting couple of weeks with serious levels of busy, what with new job and whatnot. A beginning to wonder whether job was good idea - it certainly was on the cash front, but ds seems to have gone completely off the rails in the two weeks I've been there. He seemed to be getting the hang of the making his lunch the night before, getting his clothes sorted etc etc, but this week he has essentially done nothing. He's missed the school bus, I've had emails from school saying he is not bringing his stuff to classes (three times in a row for music - no instrument) he isn't eating, and is essentially being stroppy to feck. (Almost certainly at least partly caused by the not eating).

The child minder only has ds for an hour after school each day, but lets them play on the wii, iPod, etc, and ds has just been leaving the house and walking to the store to buy candy. He just doesn't listen to her at all. And this morning he said he's quite happy the way he is, and doesn't see any reason to get himself organized at all. He doesn't care if he goes to music without his instrument every day, or misses the bus, or whatever. Completely entirely 100% selfish. But with electronic games and sugar on tap, who can blame him, really?

Sooooooooo, working types. What do I do?

On a flying note - am using today to get the living areas sorted again. It's mostly surface clutter, so won't take long (evening routines have been mostly ditched in favour of getting kids into bed and sleeping....) and I desperately need to do laundry and iron. It is all improving though... Slowly! Am also cleaning toilets. Smallest child has taken to not flushing. Need to reinstate swish and swipe this week.

Just - keep on keeping on x

I refuse to be responsible for ds. If he has to learn the hard way and get into a small amount of trouble now it is better for him in the long run then having to learn when it matters most. If he doesn't want to do his homework at home then the minute it gets to yelling and shouting it goes away and he does it in his time in break at school. I am very strict and firm over this but if I wasn't I would be living in a violent hell still. Very strict firm boundaries are the only way I stay sane. Well that and training. I also don't believe in keeping ds inside his coping boundaries and am constantly pushing them. He gets supported in the stretching but with him being able to learn to cope he needs to be made to sometimes. But this is where knowing your child comes in as some really would not handle the tough love dished out here, nor would it be appropriate. It works with ds. Emotions don't come into it anymore. it's the rules fault and they are non-negoitable.

Today has been a nice calm pj kinda day. He is not happy about tomo when he is facing a huge sound level test and i suspect the fireworks that have just started going off and going to make him jittery but will have to deal with that. The letter for school on monday letting them know his behaviour will be off has been written and I am in the process of getting ready for tomo's very busy day and the return to school monday.

Just popping in! No flying chez moi as I have gone home to my parents for a couple of days (half-term!).
But, I have been decluttering for hours here - mammy has been doing up a room and has left out PILES of my and my siblings things for decluttering!
God, I am an awful hoarder!
Every bday card and every other type of card since I was 9 or 10....amongst every other kind of paper clutter!
Have filled a HUGE black sack
Now what do I do about old letters I received? Nice ones?! There are heaps from a penpal when I was little...do I just choose a few of the best to treasure???

Unless you feel you have the time to scan them into a computer. That is probably the best plan.

Oh, Castle - I have boxes of old cards and letters - the boxes of doom under the spare bed. Going to have to face them sooner or later... Now, I try to give them to the boys for cutting and sticking, but there are still too many.

Today I have re-tamed the plastic box cupboard and some of the paper clutter in the dining room. Feeling seriously CBA about the house and falling off the flying wagon. FIL might be visiting soon to sort out the garden so may be the kick I need to get going again...

Hellllooooooo everyone

Loads of interesting posts. Late on here as guests have only just left [close friends luckily who politely ignore look benignly on the pigsty we call home a bit of mess]

Exciting to hear some of you have snow!!

Respect to those of you who are coping so intelligently with sn issues - each method to their own individual dc etc - and showing huge reserves of perserverence, imagination, discipline and sensitivity along the way.

JGOWIT sorry you are still having to deal with a sea of mud - and now sewage works too Don't know how long you are expected to put up with all of this - it seems so downright unjust!

Madwoman was wondering how the new job was going. Must be tough trying to juggle so many plates all at once. Bound to take some tweaking here and there! I'm not the right person to offer advice as my schedule is walk in park compared to yours. Sounds to me like you are coping really well though.

Ditto with Castlelough - I have boxes and files of old letters and cards in my attic and have started collected all of dd's birthday cards now too

Tis freezing here too Toffee can actually see our breath in some rooms!! DD is wearing a woolly hat to bed tonight!

Lauren great your'eforced' b'day tea turned out OK in the end and great news about sound hooves!

Bitchy This is going to sound ridiculous, but I can really identify with your ds because even as a fully-fledged adult, I can get seriously panicky at times when we have visitors (even especially close family). Really like my own space - dh jokes this is why we have to live in such a large house - so I can go to another floor and breathe! Have been none to be found walking around the garden at 4 am during particularly full-on visits ...!! So hats off to your ds for coping so well and good luck with fireworks tomorrow. You sound really on top of things too - top marks to both of you in fact!

Good luck with bedroom swap Ellie! 7-day/room plan sounds good too. Hope there's time to enjoy well-deserved rest this holiday too.

Swan Whey hey to finishing forms!! Coincidentally, dd took it upon herself to amuse herself with multi-coloured hair bobbles this morning and divide my entire head of hair up in to random bunches. Only just remembered in time for guests' arrival!

Great you are feeling a bit more energetic Whoknows but don't overdo it!

Huge waves to Trazzles Gossip* That'snice Arses Pushme Honu PA Feetheart Carpe et al ...

Had lovely today doing not much of anything at all save for minimal routines + a bit of interesting food shopping - ie traiteurs/patisseries/ - then ate spoils with friends ie very easy/lazy day. Lovely to have dh with us 24/7 as so rarely happens.

Back in a mo to post links. G'night all!

lauren I absolutely hate it when people boss me around; but I think you sound a naturally assertive person, which is brilliant, maybe only your mum tries it on
Just you are being very brave as usual
Madwoman honestly some days one just wants to put one's head in one's hands and give up. This morning dd told me I was extremely ugly and she was ashamed to be seen on the street with me because my clothes were so horrible Boundary setting....[ahem]
Personally I feel ds1 (12) would do absolutely nothing without prodding/ and a lot of the wrong things without prophylatic intervention.
I know as an adult I need reminders and prods too, I think some people are just made that way. Could you ring him on a regular basis last thing before he leaves, and remind him? Or a little note he has to open every morning with a list/visual list, with bribe in it or even candy, until he re-habituates.
I'm sorry, it must be a worry, but don't worry about the candy, I think that is the least of it. I'm sure he is safe.
Bitchy anything for a quiet life aye Ds2's teacher has always made him do his missing homework in break and he doesn't seem to mind. I think he likes the attention One parent told me her child much preferred to do his homework at school(secondary) because it felt like a school thing.
Toffee I am mortified when my children squabble in public, and they are mortified when I talk to people [Why do you keep talking to people Mum, it is sooo embarrassing]. Well done ds for getting out though, perhaps he was just feeling the tension of it all. But I think rather like Bitchy inadvertently touched on, it is probably a good thing to get him used to outings like that which are outside his comfort zone. Last week ds2 behaved so badly in church, I was almost in tears, and this week just gone, he was fine, a result I think of having got it out of his system previous week. But quite frankly, if you had asked me last week I would have said I was never taking him to church again, unless in disguise, I was so upset by it all.

Oh dear, I've rambled on too, long partly due being given a glass of rose by a kind neighbour who has had various troubles - we had a laugh together: she also has an adorable Lucas Terrier Toffee - the perfect new dog???? who doesn't seem to need much walking..so far...

REMEMBER THE CLOCKS GO BACK THIS W/E BTW!!

xpost Hey Blue sympathies - facing same CBA challenges as have just found out - for a variety of family/work-related reasons - that we are having no visitors over Christmas. Very unusual for us and I have accordingly lost momentum ... Need to read one of the Fat Fairy's pep talks about "why we think we don't deserve a clean and tidy house for our own sakes!!" ... Well done with the paper decluttering btw!!