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Housekeeping

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Original poster

I need help with my hoarding!

17 replies

NiniLegsInTheAir · 08/08/2012 10:15

I wasn't really sure where to post this but thought I'd give it a go here. This will take a bit of explaining so bear with me.

I've been seeing a counsellor through work due to marital problems (relationship going downhill with emotionally/financially/physically abusive husband), and the subject of my hoarding came up. As a child my slightly OCD Dad would regularly go through my room and throw things away, which caused me great distress (I can vividly remember lots of occasions). My counsellor thinks due to lack of feeling safe I then began to hoard things. It's become an in-joke with my family, both my parents still tease me about my hoarding, my husband (who is like my Dad in many ways) is always complaining about the mess and like my dad, will deliberately stand on or kick things that belong to me if they're in his way. It breaks my heart when I see him do this.

I'm a hoarder of things that have emotional connections - photographs, items for my scrapbooks (I have a wedding scrapbook and a baby one for my 18-month old DD). Our house is small, has very little storage and husband refuses to buy anything (e.g. we have no wardrobes for clothes, only one cupboard in our bedroom) as he says I will 'just fill it full of crap'.

I'm also in debt (long story but connected to our wedding and when I was on mat leave with DD), so I struggle to throw things I might use, and I often DO use things. I sell personal items on Ebay to make money and save space.

I want to be tidier - my hoarding isn't out of control but for example - in our bedroom there is a route to the bed, the cupboard, windows and door and the rest of the floor space has items up to half an inch high). I try to tidy but never seem to get anywhere, I have very little time to tidy either as I work FT and husband is unsupportive at weekends so I have DD to look after most of the time.

I've tried FlyLady and have a book on breaking free from clutter, but don't seem to be getting anywhere. Our bedroom floor needs to be sanded but husband won't call for quotes until the room is totally clutter-free. I want to be better but struggling to make it work.

Does anybody have any advice for how to improve on my clutter?

Thanks

OP posts:

TheCrackFox · 08/08/2012 10:27

Honestly, I think a lot of your hoarding is due to your DH?

If he is abusive then you have to end your marriage. You keep stuff to make you feel safe as your DH makes you feel unsafe.

SilverSixpence · 08/08/2012 10:48

your DH sounds vile, I don't think your problem is clutter! Practically speaking it sounds like you don't have much storage either and without that you won't have anywhere to put things away.

I would suggest posting about your DH in relationships and getting some advice there.

Original poster

NiniLegsInTheAir · 08/08/2012 10:55

Thanks for the replies guys . We are about to start Relate so this issue will be coming up (believe me). But regardless of whether or not we stay together - if I were to move I'd still need to lose a lot of the clutter.

Silver, you're right about storage. We don't have much and I admit I am a bit worried that I would filll anything new 'with crap'.

I'm a regular on the Relationships board, always posting there . Just wanted a bit of practical advice as I can't see a way to end the clutter.

OP posts:

Original poster

NiniLegsInTheAir · 08/08/2012 10:57

Should also mention that we have 2 weekends in a row coming up when we're having people to stay, and I'm panicing at the thought of them staying in a messy house.

OP posts:

Twinklebum · 08/08/2012 11:18

Depends what sort of clutter it is, I'm a hoarder too and beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel!

First thing I did was to change all statements to paper free

Cleared kids room of all broken toys/ ones with missing parts. Taken a couple of sack fulls to my parents house so they can play with them when we visit.

In my room I put everything on the bed and sorted it piece by piece (my bedroom was my dumping ground for everything thing that didn't have a home) putting it where it belonged paint pots in shed, clothes hung up or thrown out if didn't fit/ ruined or in a box if I didn't want (for a bootfair) any ornaments or other stuff that I had no room for I took pics of (with digital camera to stay on pc not to print out) for sentimental reasons then did this with every room several times over a couple of months.

Had masses to sell at bootfair and raised just over £200 (which got spent on bedroom furniture for my dc!)

Original poster

NiniLegsInTheAir · 08/08/2012 12:44

Thanks for the suggestions Twinkle - I do get paperless statements but you've reminded me I have a big bag of receipts that need shredding . I will try & do that this evening!

Your idea about putting things on the bed is a good one - at least then I'll know I have to get through it all before bedtime!

Can you tell me a bit more about taking photos of sentimental items? Do you take pics to remember them and then get rid of the item itself?

Like the idea of a bootfair but not really confident enough for one

OP posts:

Slatternismymiddlename · 08/08/2012 12:58

I don't have anything hugely helpful to contribute as a hoarder of 'stuff' myself. After years of being on the receiving end of other people's 'jokes' about my house I am currently trying to organise things better starting with a declutter. I try to go through each item individually and give it a home, if there isn't a home than it goes out. It is a slow process but I am starting to see some difference. I hope you get some resolution.

poppyboo · 08/08/2012 14:37

Google miss minimalist, she has a great book and blog. In her book she goes through the house room by room, step by step, it could be a great book for you. It's called 'The Joy Of Less'. Her blog has great motivating tips too if your read through archives.

Original poster

NiniLegsInTheAir · 08/08/2012 15:33

Thanks Slattern.

Had a quick look at miss minimalist poppy, it looks good so will have a proper trawl through. Although I admit I did a bit at her baby's 'handle' online being 'Plumblossom' though

OP posts:

TimeWasting · 08/08/2012 16:09

What is all the stuff in your room? Get rid of rubbish, wash any crockery, wash any dirty laundry and what's left?

Original poster

NiniLegsInTheAir · 08/08/2012 20:40

Well it's not crockery or dirty laundry, am actually pretty neat with those. Its mostly paperwork, books and other bits and bobs that don't really have a 'home'.

OP posts:

TimeWasting · 08/08/2012 22:07

Already it's not so bad really. If you get a few boxes, start by making sure like is with like - get all the paperwork together, the books in one spot, etc.
Then you'll have a handle on it and can go through each category systematically.

EightiesOlympicGolds · 08/08/2012 22:21

Fellow hoarder here. The paperwork is the worst for getting out of control so try working on that. I am doing a bit each day at the moment - just throwing out stuff from 2006! It is also less likely to be a precious memento. Plus you can scan things instead of keeping hard copies.

Echo the posts about your husband.

Twinklebum · 09/08/2012 10:09

nini yes the idea is to get rid of them but if you really can't get rid, allow your self a limit of sentimental items you can keep ie 5 small or 2 large, package them up in a box and put the date on it and if u haven't opened it in a year then it's very unlikely you ever will!

See if you can find someone to do a bootfair with you, they are sometimes alot better than eBay as people will buy your items on impulse and a bulk will be gone in one day.

I was never confident in doing one but got my partner to help as a bribe for me getting rid of loads. I have to admit I'm really looking forward to doing another one, I felt a sense of achievement whilst counting up my money!

wellwisher · 09/08/2012 11:48

You will be able to free up a great deal of space in your life by throwing your arsehole of a husband and all his stuff out of the nearest window.

thewhistler · 09/08/2012 18:16

For us it's books as well as papers, and kitchen stuff I think I might use if we fall on harder times, and we keep being given mugs. I once gave away 16 te towels in one night...

I know it's easy to say and harder to do, but is there a charity, eg a women's refuge or somewhere that is supporting homeless teenagers that would like your stuff?

On books, oxfam has specific bookshops. I am hoping to start to be ruthless with mine, gave away a huge number when Ds was born. Did this by having a book party, put out all mine to go, invited friends and gave them tea as well. And suggested that if they could, they make a donation to a charity of my choice.

Only problem was that friends turned up with their spares all of which I wanted to read.. but even so two charities did well and oxfam got the surplus and I saw friends.

Original poster

NiniLegsInTheAir · 09/08/2012 21:29

Thanks for all the tips guys (marital and hoarding related ). I will attempt another clear out and send things to charity, there's plenty of them around here. I've also listed some more clothes on Ebay.

I love the book idea whistler but I know me, I'm addicted to books so I'll probably end up with more than I started! If I can persuade someone to also do a bootfair with me that would be good. Our local NCT has 2 sales coming up so I'm planning on sending a lot of DD's unused/outgrown things.

Onwards and upwards

OP posts:

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