Housework self-sabotage

[Steala]

I've been so inspired by the organisation thread. I have tried to put some into practice. The problem I have noticed is that I seem to cling to chaos and disorder in an immature way. I'm not sure if it is that I want recognition of how much I have to do or whether it is a case of "why is it all my job?" but I have the feeling there is something deeper going on.

Other than telling me to suck it up and act my age (justified, I know), has anyone any advice? Has anyone else felt this?

FWIW, my DH does work hard (out of the home but also within it) and I don't feel hard done by. But equally, I wouldn't necessarily choose to have as much responsibility for home stuff if I had the chance to change.

I think I know what you mean, although I am not positive.

In what ways do you self sabotage?

I always ask myself who will do it if I don't? Who will come along and do it for me?

That usually does the trick. If the answer is no one, and it is me who has to do it, then it is easier to do it right the first time.

Sometimes there is no escape from the responsibility of a home and we just have to get our heads down and get on with it.

The consolation is that there is always chocolate

Feel free to join us on the babysteps towards BlackCat's chocolate thread if it would help you in any way.

Thank you. I have tried Flylady and I'm sure it is the way to go...once I've gone past the "Why me?" feeling sorry for myself stage. I self-sabotage by, instead of doing things little and often, letting them build up so that they are an insurmountable task and I get to say "Look how much washing there I have to do/paperwork I have to sort out/cleaning I have to do". I obviously like playing the martyr. I would despise myself!

I suppose I have to just grow up, accept that no one else will do it and that I'm only making myself feel worse if I don't do it the easy way. It's so dull though. Do people feel satisfaction and pleasure ever?

For me, being able to report it on our thread makes me feel like someone will notice. We call them "TaDas!" Knowing that we are all in the same boat helps too. I do feel a sense of satisfaction when I have achieved a bigger job.

For example, we had let the mess in our study become so bad we couldn't actually get into the room. It was the dumping ground for everything we didn't know what to do with. Over time, here and there, with the support of the thread, I cleared it and it is now a usable room. It took me ages but I didn't spend long in there any one day.

In the end you are only punishing yourself because if your dh doesn't have to deal with it he is not going to give it that much thought.

You could try motivating yourself with little rewards. What is a treat to you? Set yourself small rewards for little jobs and bigger rewards for the massive tasks. I know it sounds silly but it does help.

Hi Steala, Housework is boring but you have to try and find ways of enjoying it !?? I find that if you put some good music on it can help you get on with it. Also doing 15 mins at a time is good.

I have a back log of washing and I have been that way since my ds was a baby 8 years ago!
(it's not all the same stuff that has been sat there all the time) it's just I never catch up. I have had bouts of depression which makes me feel like I CBA but the fact is I am the only one in my house that will do it.

I am breaking it up into small jobs and little by little I am seeing an improvement!

Can I ask how old your DC are?

I would say if they are younger than 3 then things can definitely be a struggle. (My youngest is 3.)

As carrots said though you are very welcome to join us on the other thread.

It can be a good idea to buy some help if housework has got on top of you - even if you cannot afford a regular cleaner, finding someone who will help you get on top of the laundry (ironing especially) as a one off can be a big help.

Forgot to say as well, I also have mountains of paperwork (Hidden in drawers) that needs sorting through and organizing!

You are not alone!

Do you know, I think that is the key: the lack of recognition for the tedious work. I think I crave recognition and therefore leave it until it's so bad I do get recognition. I obviously want someone to say, "Gosh, Steala, you have been busy"!! I'll be over for some "Ta-das" on your thread.

I'm aware how childish this is. I'm not like this in any other area of my life (as far as I know). I think it must be because I find other areas bring their own rewards and tidying/organising just seems so so thankless and relentless.

My youngest is 3 and things are getting much easier but that means I just take on more and more outside the home and things at home get worse.

Bonsoir, I am lucky enough to have a cleaner so my house is not dirty, just messy and chaotic.

Thank you all for your help. I'm beginning to get a grip!

You are definitely not alone. I had bags and bags of paperwork that wasn't filed. I eventually did it by setting myself 15 minute slots and was suprised by how quickly I got it finished.

I too read the recent organisation thread. I posted quite near the beginning thinking that I was organised and could help, but then realised through reading the rest of the thread that I was a complete amateur. I have also just read a book called - Housework Blues - a survival guide by Danielle Raine which, although not the worlds greatest book did do a lot to change my attitude to the housework. It's put me in a much more positive frame of mind about doing stuff, which has really helped me with my motivation.

Also, I read the Fly lady's bit about a control book and some other similar blogs, websites etc. I've made all the daily/weekly/seasonal lists and got everything organised in a binder. Now, instead of looking at the house and thinking "bloody hell, where do I start?" I just look at the list for the day/week and pick something and do it, and don't worry about the other stuff, since I know that it'll come up on a list next week or whenever, so it'll get done then.