Calling all full-time working mums - tell me, how?!

[Pootles2010]

Seriously, I need to know - is it possible to have a full time job, a baby, a life, and a nice house?

Cannot afford cleaner, btw. I have full time job, but not mega demanding - just 9-5 type stuff, plus 40 min commute either way. I just have the one ds, and he's 15 months, so needs keeping an eye on!

I try to do bits on a week night, but by time i'm in, bathed him, put him to bed, cooked dinner & washed up, I can maybe get a bit of laundry/ironing and tidying done, but no cleaning.

Then on a weekend we're busy - I don't really want to stay in with ds, as he's at nursery all week, I like to take him out places. Oh and for his sat morning nap, I have a 2 hr driving lesson, so thats out.

I booked a few days off last week so i could 'get sorted' whilst he was in nursery - nursery rung me up within 5 minutes of me getting in to say he'd been sick, so had to be off for two days. I am about to give up, please help me!

LOL - wish someone paid me for cleaning!!!! I'm a domestic slave & haven't even been brought in from overseas. [hgrin] I sometimes think I'd earn more as a cash in hand cleaner than I do with a proper tax paying job. Cleaners around our way charge between £12 & £15 per hour!

It is unrealistic to work FT x 2 and have children without a dishwasher, tumble dryer or cleaner. You need to rework your budget.

Most people I know don't have live in help of any description, not even an au pair. My cleaner probably makes more money than I do, but I'd rather do my job than hers!

Bonsoir, that is simply not true. You have to get organised that is all. I do it & I'm sure there are other single mums & couples up & down the country who do as well.

If you want to spend all your time cleaning rather than bringing up your children, then I suppose you could forego the DW, dryer and cleaner. But I have no qualms in saying that personally I think that is a bad choice!

Wow, that's strong Bonsoir. It takes 5 minutes to wipe down a kitchen that isn't covered in clutter. 5 minutes to mop the floor. It takes about the same to wipe down a tidy bathroom too. I'll admit that hoovering is more time demanding - but between 2 adults, in a reasonable sized house, you should be able to do the whole lot in less than one hour. 10 minutes of ironing every evening. You are looking at approx 2 hours a week. You can also teach your DCs skills too, so mine make their own beds, tidy up, wash up & can even do their own ironing as well!!!!!

saturday mornings , send dh out with dc or vice versa and have a cleaning blitz(hoovering and polishing etc) , each morning before work put 1 small load of washing on, tumble dry when get home or hang on line .order shopping online and keep meals simple and quick,take it in turns to cook/bath dc etc. If you want to you can cook a batch of homecooked meals once a month and freeze, each eve after putting dc to bed have a 10 minute declutter,keep sundays free for family time and eves free for relaxation, dont worry too much , nobody likes to visit a perfect house, it is hard work but doable.

Do things as you go along and as DS gets older he can start to help. Focus on what is important to you to function (eg clean loo, food in cupboard, clean worksurfaces) and bugger the rest until DS is older.

Dust is your friend

We find having an old fashioned manual 'hoover' (can't remember what they are called - they roll across floor and pick up crumbs) helps as I can run it round at night after DD is in bed and save the loisy hoover for weekend when we get DD to join in.
DD is just 3 now and whilst we both work FT, so weekends are important to us, we do find plonking her in front of the TV for a short time at the weekend is a life saver. She doesn't have tv during the week cos she's at nursery so it's a treat for her too.
We try to mix weekends up with a bit of cleaning and fun time. If getting your driving license is important to you then you'll just have to suck it up until you pass then you have 2 extra hours!

We could afford a cleaner (just) but I can't be bothered to pick everything up before she would arrive, plus am about to go on maternity leave.

As I said, dust is your friend!! Think hygeine not house proud.

we both work full time and have no cleaner or dishwasher , it takes a bit of time to get organised and in a good routine but we found it after 3 or 4 yrs of mayhem! flylady thread helps a bit (if you dont take it too seriously)

Sorry to sound a bit thick but when you say ironing do you mean:

a) when the laundry is done you iron it all before putting it away? or

b) setting out the clothes for the week that you plan to wear then ironing it?

because if you mean a) then might I suggest b) that way that chore doesnt exist

Bonsoir not everyone has room or is allowed to get a Dishwasher fitted in their private rented accomodation, nor the disposable income to hire a cleaner, so no, its not a bad choice if you have no choice consider that

And laugh out loud at "spend all your time cleaning rather than bringing up your children"

Bonsoir - it is simply not possible to re-think our budget! Believe me I have tried. I agree housework should not take priority over dc but I'm trying (!) to find a way around it...

We were a bit more slatterly before ds came along, but he's started eating things off the floor so I'm a bit more aware...

DH is fulltime and I am 4 days with a long commute - plus he is often away. We do have a dishwasher and tumble drier, however I have friends who work similar hours (one with three DCs) without a dishwasher/drier and they make it work. It's fair to say that their house is in generally in a bit more chaos than ours.....but 3 DCs compared to one probably explains that anyway! If you don't have the room for the machines, or the money for the cleaner then you have no choice. We have a mothers help who does about 30 mins for us in the morning before DD gets up so that is a big help.

Apart from that, I would agree with others who say that you have to lower your expectations slightly, and ensure your DH does his fair share. We hoover twice a week (unless visitors are coming) and bathrooms are done once a week (again, unless visitors are coming...). Kitchen is cleaned quickly each evening after the meal. DD is now 5 and has just started to earn pocket money for s number of little things (sweeping the kitchen floor; bringing washing from the washing basket to the machine; hoovering her own bedroom; dusting....once she had been taught how to do all these things she is a genuine help!) She is expected to help out in general outside pocket money tasks - tidying her room, making her bed, fetching things etc. That is perhaps some way off for you with a 15 month old though, I appreciate.

Ruby, I take the dry laundry off the airer and items that don't need ironing I put away immediately. Items for ironing or anything that wasn't 100% dry goes onto the shelves around water tank & I then iron from there. Sometimes it wouldn't be 10 mins a night, but what I really meant was I never do more than 10 mins a night.

Whoever's home first with DD cooks dinner while she 'helps' and we all eat together so by the time she's due for bed, that's done. We alternate bedtime duty, and whoever isn't on bedtime cleans the kitchen from dinner, does a quick tidy round, and hoovers the rugs. Whoever is on bedtime duty, if it's a bath night, cleans the bathroom when she's in the bath (although not the bath, obviously).

Laundry just gets done on an ongoing basis; we have no dryer or airing cupboard, so often we run a load last thing at night and then hang it out in the morning to dry by the evening/next day, it's too time consuming to be able to be done in one hit.

Friday evening we all meet at the supermarket and do the weekly shop, and pick up a 'picnic' for dinner - cold meat, cheese, fruit, etc., so minimal washing up.

Saturday morning we do a more thorough blitz; mop and proper vacuum and clean toilets and things. Often this works best if one of us takes DD out and the other can spend a proper hour or two working.

15 months is just hard, though, there's a limited amount of stuff you can get DS involved in. Now that DD is approaching 3 it's much easier, she likes to play "peg shop" and hand me pegs for the washing line, spray windows with water/vinegar mix in bottle, etc. I totally disagree with Bonsoir on this one, I think it's good for kids to see housework being done, and to be involved, early on.

Both of us work full time and long hours too - OH regularly does 12 - 14 hour days and I'm out of the house for 13 hours a day. No dishwasher, no tumble dryer and no cleaner!

As someone said, lower your standards a bit. I iron 'on demand', so it's a couple of minutes rather than a long job. Washing gets folded when it's dry and if OH doesn't put it away it becomes his problem if it gets creased.

And seriously, your DH is taking the piss, just like a lot of men who act dumb over housework. They know if they do a crap job of it the woman will usually do the job for them. As someone else said, if he can do a degree he can do a bit of housework.

We don't have carpets downstairs which means we don't need to hoover, but we do need to sweep regularly as there is nowhere for the dust bunnies to hide. Bathroom gets cleaned once a week unless we have guests. It's not the end of the world to have a bit of dust in the corners.

Meal planning for the week makes dinners easier because I know exactly what is being cooked when I get home - the only thing we buy ready made is pizzas. Washing up gets done straight after dinner, and kitchen gets the once over too. Front room gets a quick tidy each day and a good clean once a week - takes half an hour at the weekend. Between us we can clean the house top to bottom in an hour.

"It really is quite tidy, i've been working on that. It's the actual cleaning I struggle with!"
Not sure I have much to add, but this is how l feel, Pootles2010! I am super tidy, but hate cleaning!
I made a list a few weeks ago, detailing exactly what needs cleaning in each room, plus some whole household stuff (e.g. cleaning all the windows and screens inside and dusting skirting boards, tops of doors and light switches etc. throughout the house) and I am slowly tackling cleaning one room at a time. Once I've gone through the whole house, I hope to have an idea of how often I should be doing stuff. For example, it took me the better part of two days to do the kitchen, because I hadn't cleaned out the cupboards since we moved in two years ago, and they were truly filthy! I went through two packs of Dettol cleaning wipes! . So if I aim to do that job every six months, I'm sure it'll be much quicker (I hope!).
I haven't done any this week, as it's half-term and I haven't been well, but could it work for you if you aim to do one room thoroughly in two or three hours every weekend?

make sure everyone does a share, including dc

mine help put laundry on the clothes airer, and have to put their clothes away, from toddler age

they also are responsible for keeping their rooms tidy

i have to go back + refold sometimes - they are only 4 and 2, which is extra time/work

but

they are learning that they have an important role to play in keeping the house going, i hope this will pay dividends later

needless to say dp and i share the bulk of the housekeeping between us

We don't have a cleaner. We just have very low standards.

DP and I both work full time and we have a 4 year old.
Housework is split 50/50. DP gets home at 5pm with DS and does a few bits then, running the hoover round etc while DS plays.
At the weekend, there's normally one morning or afternoon when one of us takes DS out and the other does a blitz.
Little and often really is the key, I've found. I do the bathroom sink and toilet while DS is in the bath. He's happy playing and we can chat while I do it so I don't feel like I'm neglecting him. I also do the dusting while he's watching TV or playing in the living room so I can carry on interacting. By the way, I'm not saying that you shouldn't let children get on with things while you clean, it's just that now I'm working full time I feel like I don't see enough of DS so if I can combine housework with spending time with him, I try to do that.
We've also lowered our standards. Floors don't often get a full mop down but they are swept regularly and spot cleaned when things get spilt.

What MindtheGapp said.

OP, if you wear contact lenses/glasses and can cope without them indoors, as I can, take them off. Voila - no dirt.:o

What your spending in a month on driving lessons would pay for a slimline dishwasher, ours sticks out a bit but I cannot emphasise enough how much time it will save you.

You only need dishwasher salt (never table or sea salt) cheap savers rinse aid and tesco daisy powder.

We got ours from appliancesonline.co.uk. Free delivery even on the weekends. With what time you would save washing up you could clean!

Just a suggestion.