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Housekeeping

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Original poster

Hoarding parents

19 replies

gremlindolphin · 24/04/2011 23:33

just need some moral support really, my mum has moved out of her house due to illness and wanting to be nearer us.

She is a hoarder and I am in the final stages of sorting out my family home which I have been doing for the past 9 months!

There is so much stuff, lots of it rubbish but also antique books and furniture and masses of new stuff. I have been giving stuff to charity shops, selling stuff at auction and my long suffering husband has done so many trips to the tip the staff know him!

In amongst everything is everything I have ever owned, clothing, every painting I have ever done, card I have ever been sent etc which I have managed without for years (and mum had pulled out of the bin) but its quite emotional finding it and then me having to make the decision to throw it away etc.

We have to finish it this coming week for various reasons and went into the loft yesterday and found another 40 plus boxes crammed with books and items from my Grandparents house - this load on its own is probably more stuff than I have in the whole of my own home - I feeling very overwhelmed again!

I am being very organised about but the final push feels hard - I just need some moral support or to feel that I am not the only person going through this!

OP posts:

HollyBollyBooBoo · 25/04/2011 07:53

Really, really feel for you. Doing all of this aswell as running your own life but be exhausting! I have a hoarder for a husband so know what it's like when it comes to moving house with a load of crap (luckily he's away a lot so I can take stuff to the tip without him ever knowing!).

Good luck with the final push, you can do it!

When you're done have a massive glass of

bigTillyMint · 25/04/2011 07:58

Well Done - I am dreading having to do this if and when necessary - I thought my mother was bad, but yours sounds far, far worse.

It sounds like you have done a fantastic job - lesser mortals would have just organised a house clearance. [busmile]

mousymouse · 25/04/2011 08:26

Well done you.
I dread this, too. My parents are hording as well and have a big house to fill. They keep saying that they will tackle it next holiday ebaying off, but never get to it. Loft and basement are full of stuff, they must have at least 50 sets of bedding and a larder full of out of date food...

starrychime · 25/04/2011 11:12

I have done this recently too and have found it so so difficult to get rid of childhood memory stuff. Could you afford to rent a smallish storage unit for a couple of months? Then you could move all the boxes in and go through them gradually - my mum was a hoarder, and I'm afriad I have inherited some of her tendencies, but I hate the thought of not getting the chance to go through stuff properly in case I miss something.

Original poster

gremlindolphin · 25/04/2011 12:02

Thanks for your replies - they really help!

bTM - yes house clearance was tempting but its all so mixed up I hated the thought that I might miss something and felt that I owed it to Mum and Dad really to go through it all.

Starrychime - yes we have hired a storage unit for some of things that are just too much too go through and some of the furniture that Mum thinks she might need at some point.

I too have hoarding tendancies mainly because I was never shown how to prioritise what to keep as a child but I am determined not to do this to my children! No chance of me turning minimalist but there IS a happy medium.

Day off to day and then doing it all next week as dcs are at school. I just need it to end!!

OP posts:

DonaAna · 25/04/2011 14:51

Hats off to you!!! I will have to do this eventually for 4 or 5 people (parents, unmarried aunts, MIL - many of them have multiple properties and some of them are hoarders, too). What you do is incredibly difficult and sensitive and it sounds like you've done it really beautifully.

northerngirl41 · 25/04/2011 16:52

Okay - this stuff has been in the loft for how many years without missing any of it? Can you ask your mum if there is anything in there she SPECIFICALLY wants to keep?

If not, I suggest calling some house clearance people - they will often come in and take away a job lot for very small amounts of money in return for being able to sell the contents.

bigTillyMint · 25/04/2011 17:53

DonaAna

Original poster

gremlindolphin · 25/04/2011 20:42

northerngirl - Mum wants everything! It is all her treasures that I am getting rid of!

To give you an example, she was at my house at the weekend and said she wanted to go through some things and made a good start but couldn't get rid of a Red Letter Days catalogue from 1997 because it has some good ideas in despite the fact that RLD went bust several years ago.

We will get there in the end!

OP posts:

northerngirl41 · 25/04/2011 21:17

Yeah - but if you don't open the attic stuff then she doesn't get a chance to do that. If she can't name something specifically and it's been closeted up in the attic for donkey's years, chances are there isn't actually anything there apart from junk. Don't open it, just get rid of it.

bigTillyMint · 26/04/2011 10:18

OOOOh your a hard northerngirl Like your style!

northerngirl41 · 26/04/2011 20:27

Necessity bigTillyMint - I live with a hoarder!! LOL!

SlightlyScrambled · 28/04/2011 11:07

Could you, or your mum, make a scrapbook with a item from type. Like a drawing, a letter, some photos, ticket stub, etc.? It would be a nice way to still have a memory book to flick through and might soften the blow of the clean out.

My parents kept nothing of mine, so much so, I'd have to watch what I had so my mum wouldn't chuck when I was at school. It's hard to find the right balance. Sometimes you do have to be ruthless though.

Poodlehorse · 30/04/2011 10:07

I am with northern girl on attic stuff, it is only hard when you open it. Ignorance is bliss. We moved house 6 years ago and there are still boxes in outbuildings waiting to be opened, we plan to move next year and MY plan is to ditch it without looking but I will need DH out of the way for that to happen, not sure how this is going to work in reality.

Original poster

gremlindolphin · 30/04/2011 15:45

Just to update the thread - we have done it! Finished today! A lot of stuff still in the shed but all marked up for auction, charity shop, etc but the house is empty. Never thought I'd see the day.

Thanks for your interest.

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bigTillyMint · 30/04/2011 17:57

Well Done - I am impressed!

queenrollo · 30/04/2011 18:24

I'm faced with the possibility of doing this soon. I have never seen my father's flat (out of my life for 30 years abroad). He now lives in another country to where his flat is, but wants me to have some personal stuff. He's admitted he's a hoarder. And his flat is in Germany so it's not something I can do as and when, i'm going to have to go over there and get it done in a few days.

At the moment we're thinking of hiring a container and having it all shipped here, as there is a garage full of stuff which may be worth money too.

annaquangel · 30/04/2011 18:28

Congrats, Gremlin. Respect.

vanillamum · 01/05/2011 23:40

Gremlin, you star, a massive job you will never need to do ever again. Well done.

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