Need the calm voice of experience!

[missdisorganised1]

I am finding it difficult to cope with running my home. Since I was 18 (October last year) I have been living in the family home on my own but there always seems to be something that needs to be done. Cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping: the list seems never ending. I am still at school so I am not around during the day except on Thurdays when I have 2 free lessons in a row. How do people manage?

That's a lot on your plate - really what you need to do is prioritise that school work (and it sounds like you have been doing that, but at the expense of doing normal fun stuff, which won't help at all with cheering you up!)

So:

1. I'd second closing off some of the rooms. It's just not necessary to clean them that often if they are closed off and to be honest if I have more space, I simply create more mess and it takes me longer to clean up since you have further to walk (yes, I have just revealed myself as the laziest being on the planet - I have no shame, it is true!). I went from a 2 bed flat to a 5 bed house and the amount of time I now spend walking along corridors in unbelieveable! Is it possible for instance to make your workspace in the kitchen? Or perhaps having a living area in there too so all the "living mess" is in one room leaving your bedroom clear for just sleeping?
2. Never leave a room a mess. Take dishes/cups with you, straighten the cushions, wipe down surfaces when you leave.
3. Ironing is for idiots (or husbands - but being 18 I doubt that's an option!). Chuck it out and buy non-iron clothes. I have survived on these ever since my mum refused to do any more ironing aged about 12 - they have some really good shirts in M&S or if you are feeling flush Thomas Pink.
4. Make sure you book in to do some fun stuff - get to the swimming pool, organise a night out with friends etc at least once a week so you don't just have your leisure time booked off with boring household tasks.
5. Make use of that free afternoon on Thursdays - I always like having a clean house for the weekend so that your free time doesn't get gazumped by household drudgery and you can enjoy it guilt free. Pick up shopping on the way home, clean out the fridge, change the bed, throw washing in the machine (I only separate lights/darks - don't bother with whites/coloureds), blitz the bathroom, empty all the bins, the washing up and EURGH do the hoovering...
6. When you cook properly, do extra portions and freeze them. Do buy some easy to do stuff like tortelleni (I freeze this and just boil it) to bulk out your actual cooking so you don't have to cook every night - saves on washing up too!). Good things for this are: soups, risotto, bolognese, pasta sauces, curry.
7. Could getting a lodger in pay for a cleaning lady and a tumble drier plus some takeaway food? That's a fairly responsible way of managing your finances - I can't see why the trustees would object.

the other thing to remember is that a little bit of mess won't matter - no biggie. You sound like you are doing fine.

You are really doing very well in such a short time, and considering you are still grieving for the loss and change of lifestyle.
It will get a lot easier in the next few months as time passes and as you establish routines, but meanwhile it might be worthwhile getting in someone from an agency just for the day to get house in order.
Did you know you can earn up to £5,00 p.a. tax free letting accommodation to one person?

Lots of good ideas here, plus I'd suggest having a list, which helps to prioritize chores
(and it's surprising how many can be postponed until energy levels increase)

Lots to do so an early start today. I don't have any free lessons today, worse luck.

I am glad somebody asked how Mum and Dad died. Almost nobody ever bothers to ask me, they just change the subject instead.

All I can remember clearly are the bright blue light and being eased out of the wreakage - sans jeans that been holding me in. Nothing then until the ambulance reached hospital.

Missd

You sound like you are doing so well but your A levels really have got to take priority in your life as well as being 18. It sounds to me that getting a nice 20 something female in as a lodger might be good for you as it will mean that there is more money coming in (so you can go out more) and if that money could also pay for a cleaner that would be even better. Consider online grocery shopping as you can have a list of favourites and it takes hardly any time. This will give you more time for school work/ socialising.

My dad was in a car accident where the other person died when I was around 17. He doesn't remember anything between driving and being in the hosptial either despite him being concious enough to ask the paramedics what drugs they were giving him and write it down really clearly. The brain is very clever and shields you from things that you really don't need to be able to remember.

I think that it is wonderful that you have been able to stay in the family home with family nearby.

I'm out for a while but will check back on you later.

Missd, you have had an awful time and you are doing brilliantly.

I am sure your parents would want you to concentrate on your school work and not the house. I am also sure that your parents would be immensely proud of you.

Ask for help; there's nothing wrong that. There are probably a fair few people who are wondering how you are managing but too embarrassed to ask, or don't want to upset you by asking or offering help.

I have no idea about your trustees, but if I were one I would think it entirely reasonable that you needed some help in running the house and if there were sufficient funds, wouldn't have a problem allocating what you need to pay for a cleaner. You have a very good case: the need to concentrate on school work, the time it takes to keep up and do well, versus the time you have to spend doing basic cleaning and tidying.

Well done.

So sorry about what happened to your mum and dad. You must miss them dreadfully.
Definitely think about online grocery shopping - you could sit with a cuppa or a glass of wine and plan out your meals for the week, get your washing powder, loo roll etc, and they'd bring it to your door!
Hope you have a good day today.

Have also had another thought - I wonder if there are any mumsnetters near you who might give you a hand, or a listening ear if that's whats needed.

Oh, missd. Have a totally unMumsnetty hug. (((((missdisorganised1)))))

Your Mum and Dad would be SO proud of you, coping with all this on your own and doing all your studying too. I'm sitting here in tears (! PMT) at the thought of you managing everything so soon after your parents' death. What a lovely girl you sound, your parents must have been awesome.

I hope that doesn't sound patronising!

Anyway, useful stuff: have you heard of Flylady? It's a book about how to run a house for people (like me, for example) who are not "born organised". Her basic premise is not to be too much of a perfectionist - because that way, you'll never get anything done at all for fear it won't be perfect - and to get a simple routine going before it all mounts up and becomes too daunting.

Her website is a headache to navigate, but the the book (despite its weird name) is great.

If it has already started to mount up, DO NOT PANIC! You can get it under control again. An easy tip is to get a kitchen timer, or one on your phone, and set it for 15 minutes. Do 15 minutes in each room - start by going round with a bin, chucking out rubbish. Then do a quick clean with an all-purpose cleaner and a cloth (remember, clean rooms from the top down, do the floor last), then Hoover and/or mop.

Do 15 minutes in the sitting room, then kitchen, then bedroom, then have a 15-minute break. Then 15 minutes bathroom, then hallway, then another bedroom, then rest. Carry on like this still you've done each room. It should tae like 3 hours MAXIMUM.

Don't carry on in a room after the timer goes off otherwise you'll spend all day in that one and the others wo't get touched. Stop and go on to the next room.

You'll be STUNNED how much you can get done in 15 minutes! I always am.

Then set a simple routine for morning and evening. These can be just 15 minutes long too, and include: empty/load dishwasher, empty bins into the main kitchen bin, throw crap away, wipe down kitchen surfaces, wipe toothpaste off sink, put things you need for tomorrow by the front door and (if super-organised) lay out clothes for tomorrow.

Meal-planning is fab and saves you loads of time and money. It's in the book, she tells you how to do it.

I'm really cheering you on, I think you sound amazing.

I have printed out all the things people have shared with me and I will try to do better. Perhaps I might become "miss only slightly disorganised" instead.

I'm bumping along quite near the bottom I suppose. The job I am really dreading is sorting out and giving away Mum and Dads clothes. I don?t like going to their grave either but Nan took me on Christmas Eve so I went to make her happy. You can actually see part of the cemetery from the sixth form common room but luckily not the part they are in.

Derek from school who lives 5 doors down the road is taking me to the cinema tonight. I think he has been plucking up courage to ask me out for a while. He seems quite shy but is OK. His Mum knew my Mum through drama group.

Have a fun night - enjoy being a teenager! There's always plenty of people on here for either housekeeping tips or if you need to unload and get things off your chest. Hope you have a lovely weekend. Not too much housework!

Thanks to a local support group and the school I have made a bit of progress about getting a lodger. BUT I NEED SOME HAND HOLDING.

The first candidate was hopeless. She was nearly 20 and has a car but hasn?t passed her test in many attempts. She goes to work on the bus but I think she would expect me to be her taxi driver. Nan and I both though no and I took her back to the bus station in my car and waited with her until her bus arrived. Load of tears from her when I phoned her later, she sounds in a worse state than me!

But there is one other lodger who I have only spoken to on the phone. She is a young widow but seems very sensible and nice and we are going to meet on Thursday at school.

Well done for turning down the first one, I'd listen to your gut instinct, there's lots of great people out there so you might as well wait for the right one. A bad housemate would as you clearly recognise be a nightmare but even then one you can get rid of remember your in charge here.

Hope you enjoyed your trip to the movies, the big screen always makes the most of even a bad film.

15 minutes of housework, little and often - actually that applies to me to. I've got a project on I'm avoiding at the moment

Just wanted to add another hug for Missd, what a lot you have to cope with, so young. Hope you had a good time going out with Derek.
Any luck with the lodger yet?
xx

hugs for you missd, your mum and dad have brought up an amazing girl. They would be so proud of you. Hope you get your lodger and dont put too much pressure on yourself about the housework xxxxx

Poor you for having to cope with all this on your own missd

I agree with the advice you've been given about little and often, and giving yourself some slack with a "chuck-'em-in-a-box" type thing in the living room, so you can keep it tidy and deal with it when you have the time.

Another poster said about doing things while doing other things (like putting a washload on while the pasta's boiling or something). And I blitz like mad once a week - normally I do it first thing on a Saturday because then the weekend feels more relaxing.

And whatever you do, don't feel guilty or badly about spending time thinking about your parents! It's certainly not wasted time, and it would be way worse if you spent time cleaning instead of paying them respect/thinking about them.

Sorry to hear about your parents MissD.

Best of luck with getting a lodger.

My top tips are decluttering, keeping on top of laundry, and if time is short have a few easy but healthy meals.

Re your mum and dads' belongings, this must be so hard for you to deal with. If it seems too early, could you just pack them away neatly for now, and perhaps at a later stage get a trusted friend to go through them with you?

General decluttering: be ruthless, take stuff to charity shops, make sure junk mail is recycled etc etc.

Laundry, be realistic and do a load when it needs doing. (about 3-4 times weekly for me but I have an 8kg large capacity machine and 2 dds)

healthy meals: baked potatoes, pasta, salad etc.

If you feel able to say roughly where you are then local mners may be able to support you more practically?

How did you get on with the prospective lodger today? Hope she was worth a trial period at least.
Good idea from previous poster about maybe meeting up with local mns - am in Yorks if that is near enough?

An update - Nan said I should do this and of course I always do what I'm told!.

Well I did get the grades I needed so I will be off to uni in September. I'm renting out the former family home to give me some money and will live with Nan and Granddad in the holidays. I did use the advice Mumsnetters gave me about running a home and it did help me so thank you all for that.

I'm happier in myself now the exam worry is over but I still sometimes find myself either weepy or so cross with Mum and Dad for leaving me to cope with all this crap on my own.

HI miss D didnt want to read and run x anger is normal x you sound like you are getting more organised, and the tips you have learnt here will help you through uni and when you return home x remember to enjoy uni an your parents would be very proud x

Congratulations on your grades. and enjoy uni!! your parents will be very proud of you. and it doesn't matter getting cross or weepy or anything else. you feel what you feel and there's nothing wrong with that. Meanwhile you are taking care of your future, which is wonderful!
xxx and hugs...

Congratulatations on your grades! Enjoy university. I'm so sorry you find yourself in such a hard situation - please try not to beat yourself up over anything you feel.