Right, time to sort out our shared cottage once and for all

[BoffinMum]

We have the good fortune to have inherited a small cottage in the countryside that we share with my BIL, SIL and FIL. It is ideally located on a river with a large garden, and is very pretty on the outside. It belonged to DH's grandparents for a long time and then MIL (now deceased). I am required to spend a large number of my holidays in it for various reasons of family diplomacy.

Only problem is that inside it looks and smells like something from a probate sale and is domestically neglected and there are areas in which it is filthy (i.e. insect invasions). In bad weather we are cooped up in one room for a long time in the dark, with all the muck. Periodically I try to clean it up with a bit of help from DH, but the place is so dark and cluttered with broken 1950s-1970s tat that I am not allowed to get rid of, that it is an exhausting process, especially as this is normally done with kids running around me, in my precious leave from work. So I rarely get a proper holiday - I am just an unpaid skivvy. I can't just sit and look at the dirt and crap like the others, not least of all because I normally have a toddler falling over it all. Sheets are never changed unless I do them all, towels are grey with dirt unless I change them or buy new ones, kitchen cupboards full of very old food unless I turn them out and buy replacements, and sticky grey fingermarks are on every surface unless I wipe them off. Every time I travel there I am aware that at least a day's work beckons just to make the place habitable for a young family.

Over the years I have been very resentful about doing this, not least because my SIL does practically nothing apart from wipe the work surfaces in the kitchen before she leaves. She only works very part time and has grown up children, and when her kids were younger MIL cleaned up after her. She thinks I clean for fun. BIL is kind but a bit oblivious and not that domesticated.

I have decided that this is the year I will reform the situation. How do I go about this, given that the others do so little and let it get so dirty and run down?

Stop going there?

Speak to the others about having a cleaner in fortnightly or monthly and split the cost for the whole year?

Get your dh to take the dc on his own whilst you stay home and put your feet up?

Poor you. I just wouldn't go. Sorry.

My mum's of the same mindset as you. She went once when I first got engaged to DH and MIL's cooking was so sparse and the house so gloomy and smelly she vowed never to return! Odd thing is that MIL and FIL think/thought the whole place absolutely wonderful.

I don't think you notice your own filth as much.

I think you're right there, as they think I am a bit precious.

It's such a shame, as it could be a lovely cottage given a bit of TLC.

Plus a bit of me thinks it's only polite to think about other people and leave things nice.

They probably don't even notice.

What would your DH say if you said you didn't want to go there anymore? Would he understand?

No
He loves the place
DCs love the place
Everyone else loves the place and does not see why I have a problem.

I have refused to go there quite a few times over the years and then FIL starts complaining we don't use it and DH gets scared the others will want to sell their share and a bit of his childhood will be lost forever.

aww boffy :(

hi btw :)

i would get a cleaner/hk to pop in every month that ALL of you pay for - she will also strip and make the beds (as my mb/db one does)

i would put all the tat valuables in a trunk and put in a safe place :)

Some of the tat precious items have gone to the great landfill in the sky now. Nobody noticed.

Given it is one of those houses that never looks clean even when you have just done it, do you think it would work to get someone in, or would they just fling a duster around ineffectually and pretend they had made an effort (which is my experience of most cleaners)?

Also I can't see that lot coughing up for something like this, and it is so rural it it not like trying to get a hk in when you are down the M4 corridor tbh.

Stop going. Stop cleaning. Start saving. If the others want to sell their share, get a valuation, and buy them out. In its current filthy condition it might not be worth much.

Ello Blondes, btw.

You should see the bits I have done. A major triumph was getting rid of 50 year old broken bunk beds and putting something vaguely comfortable in the DCs room!

FIL said "Can't you give those beds to someone? They've still got lots of use in them!"

They were cheap tat 50 years ago, FGS, so they won't have improved in the meantime. Meanwhile they are letting all the antiques get woodworm and doing nothing about it (there is a ritual chair collapse once a year in that house from rotten struts).

Other family members think it would rent out well as a holiday cottage!!!

They are CLUELESS!! Unwordly and CLUELESS!!

I would buy them out but there is no way we could get the money together at the moment.

I did get them to install my parents' old kitchen (which was actually in very good nick) and get a new oven so that was a start.

Would the sister be able to buy your share? Or would that cause too many problems?

Get a holiday letting agent round (that you have primed a little beforehand) when all the family is there to give his/her opinion on what would need to be done to rent it out.

This may embarass them into some action? If it is modernised, I'm sure it would be much easier to keep clean and tidy.

Or, you could send them some linjks to similarly sized cottages in the area with interior shots so that they can see what this kind of cottage could rent out for it was modernised.

i like pips idea

if you could rent it out then you make money out of it,money that can then pay a cleaning service to come and do a proper spring/winter clean

so yes get an agent round, when you are all there and he will (hopefully) say that its old/dirty and no one would rent in its condition

Even if you/siblings decided not to rent out it might get some of the improvements done and make them realise that another person (i.e. not BoffinMum) thought it wasn't em.. too nice either.

Even if all the siblings decided not to rent out it might get some of the improvements done and make them realise that another (normal) person (i.e. not BoffinMum) thought it wasn't em.. too georgous either.

Sorry. I pressed the wrong button.

pips suggestion v good - in the meantime I would tell DH you're not going unless you have Molly Maid or somesuch in to do a full on clean and then a regular cleaner / HK come in between.

Tis difficult if they have different standards to you

How far a journey is it for you?

I wondered if you could let a friend or something use it for a couple of weeks holiday free of charge on the understanding they will need to give it a very thorough deep clean by way of payment????

I just wondered if once it's had a deep clean it may be easier to keep on top of it?