Advise wanted on decluttering/tidying etc

[hibernate]

Hi all you supermums out there,

I really need help.

I used to be a fanatical tidier when younger and wherever I lived was always tidy and well kept.

About 15 years ago we moved to a house that needed modernisation, but we made the mistake of spending every penny on purchasing it, thinking we could get along getting the decorating done as we went.

It turned out that the bad decor was actually hiding structural problems and in the first 2 years there we had to borrow more to get building work done. My husband worked full time and was away from home a lot, leaving me decorating alone for a couple more years, trying to get on top of the damp, cracks and leaking roof. I became pregnant and everything stopped, we had run out of money and although I was still on the roof at 3 months pregnant trying to fix a leak that was dripping water in the bedroom, after nearly getting stuck inside a chimney, due to expanding waistline, I had to stop DIY.
When our son was born I had terrible PND for 6 months and then we had to get the roof repaired. The builders told us 2 weeks and £7000 but it took 3 months and £21000. Again we had to borrow the money and I was stuck at home with the baby for 3 months with no back to the house, so I couldn't go out anywhere.
That was 9 years ago and the house is getting worse, our son turned out to be special needs and requires a lot of work.
I have totally run out of steam and although son is at school and I get 5 hours a day, nothing seems to get done, I am constantly tired and depressed, the roof still leaks and the damp is still there, the paint is peeling the dirt and mess have crept up, there is not a single surface/cupboard without clutter in or on and even though I bought 20 large plastic storage boxes and filled them with stuff to store in the garage, 2 weeks later more stuff has preplaced the crp I threw out.
It seems to go round and round, the rooms are getting smaller because the crp is piled arounf the edges and slowly encroaching on the centre of the rooms.
The place stinks and is a mess.
I am very disheartened and don't know where to start.
Please help

That is rough, could you see yourself living anywhere else? Where did you move from, did you keep in touch with freinds or family there? It's harsh, I wouldn't not make freinds with somone becuase they were welsh :(

I want that Ty Pennington bloke to come over from America and sort out my house, with a proper sensory room for my son, currently we have a disco ball and a desk fan in the spare room and he lies in there watching the patterns and listening to the shooshing fan sound. It calms him down.

A bath that works an oven and some carpets would be nice too. I am sick of getting splinters in my feet off the floor

And if he could stretch to it, a roof that isn't held together with expanding foam and leaks when it rains. Maybe some radiators?

Maybe I will buy a lottery ticket for tonight.Haven't bought one for years Is it a rollover?

Dear Hibernate,

We have been in terrible housing DIY situation.

I found one that for sanity you need one lovely place, can you carve out from the crap one nice area for yourself. A chair, next to a table with a polished top with a cup of tea is great. Honestly thats all it needs and the rest will come.

Make a DIY list, not with everything on just the top 5 things that would make a big difference, one big thing like the roof and four smaller things eg. hot water tap, coal store near the door for the winter.

Hope it helps, sparks off an idea for you,
Big Hug to you and never be afraid to share a problem it really does help.

Yes,start small and work outdated, clearing a cupboard/drawer/area as you go....

Can you hire another skip? And seriously, freecycle!

For cleaners, there are firms which specialise in blitz cleaning - builders' cleans and rental cleans etc. So they are used to doing their best in adverse circs. You can get say a team of two to come in for two hours - then the travel is worthwhile. I think you would pay about £50 for that, but the difference can be worth having.

Actually the bonfire idea is a pretty good one! Don't burn the stable down though, just the rubbish!

Could the stable be used for anything other than storage? Self livery for a horse owner or lambing?

Hibernate, what a dreadful time you are having - I have read this thread and want to give you a great big hug! As someone else said, if you were my friend or even neighbour I would not stand by, but help you. Bit far from here in the south.
Freecycle is good cos people come to get stuff...and it really sounds like you need more room. What about asking your GP about respite care for your son so you can concentrate on sorting out your house/life a bit so you don't feel like you are drowning in the situation.

I know that living in a house that is less than ideal makes all the rest of whatever life throws at us so much harder to deal with. But maybe posting on here is the first step and cyber-support will help you.
Could you get carpets for yourself on freecycle? I know they are on it around here.
Thinking of you. xx

Homestart don't offer help like this, they might play with the DC whilst you clear the clutter.

Hibernate,

I dont like to pry into your circumstances too much but wondered if you were aware of the schemes here for getting central heating in your home

www.heeswales.co.uk/do-i-qualify.htm

Sorry pressed post earlier than I meant to. If you qualify for Working Tax Credit or if your DS gets DLA then you would be entitled to different amounts to help you out with it.

Other than that I my tips would be;

• make a list of spaces in your home that you wish to declutter. When there's a lot of mess I make these very small areas to start with. So,1 kitchen drawer, 1 shelf in a unit. Then each day aim to get one bit of your list done and do a tick next to it. Then reward yourself in a small way eg.20 minutes reading a book, a bar of chocolate, painting your nails.

• ask friends to help, I would hate to think of one of my friends struggling like you are and not asking for help. I was pleasantly surprised at how much my friends were prepared to do when I had DC5 last year, and struggled to cope for a bit.

hibernate
good god. i am so touched by your circumstances and by your bravery indeed in 'just soldiering on'. but something HAS to change!!! as others have said, how is it that an intelligent, sensitive, warm-sounding woman like you has no friends - i am sure that if we could, half a dozen of us on here would swoop down on you and help you out just after knowing you on-line for a few hours!
i live in rural herefordshire, near the border with wales - we pay our cleaner £7.50 so your proposed £10/hour sounds generous by our area's standards (i do pay for our cleaner's petrol but she hasn't far to come). i really hope you find one as one of the strategies to try to help yourself out of this rut.
we all know that clutter saps energy, and is anathema to clear thinking. please try to tackle it tiny steps at at time, it's imperative for your sanity by the sound of things.
i can't think of anything to add to the many sound suggestions made on here, only that to me the first thing of all to remedy is your social isolation - can you reach out to one of the school mums, despite the difficulties and the busy lives led by them all??
GOOD LUCK you dear woman, in finding a way through these obstacles your life is currently strewn with. it won't be forever - things can, and will change for the better, i'm sure!
big hugs

Hibernate, how are you today? Just wanted to post to add some moral support to your day. xx

I know the fustration as we lived in a half renovated house and static caravan for 3.5 yrs on and off with a newborn to start off with. I was really misable the caravan was so dirty in the end as it was on a working farm at the time. We lived in the farmhouse which was freezing and damp, there was no nursery in the house just a dark room with huge house stones dotted around - truely horrific but we got through it! My husband is a workaholic and at the time we ran a farm with 2 other big business' it was tooooo much and through a terrible situation we chose to change things and now the farm is rented and the one business shut down.

I'm in se wales and pay £7.50 for cleaner. Which area are you?

Deffinately agree a good bombfire is needed here. With the charityshop find another town with a shop on the roadside. drop the rubbish clothing off at the supermarket recycling boxes. Get a scrap merchant to pop up, he'll rip you off but at least he'll rid of rubbish.

Really you have to decide together where this home is going, realistically can you afford the renovation as I have total understanding over costs and the nightmare of bits falling off. Bringing in architects/engineers costs and if you have no actual skills and time then its totally impossible. Having a decent heating system cost us £20k and you have to undstand that these homes need specialist plumbers and renewables. A grant isnt going to help much as it looks like you dont have the funds to cover the majority of the works and I know that lots of other work needs to be done before you can even think about laying pipes against flakey damp walls.

I dont know your situation well enough but through personal experience the renovation home side isnt going to happen and you deserve a life and yr health is going to improve. Can you just sell it to a developer, pay off yr debts and rent somewhere warm and regimated. Yes expensive but you'll need a massive mortgage to do a renovation. Please move on at least there is help out there and you could live on a nice estate close to shops, school and people!

Until you pick yourself up then its going to be difficult to make friends. Dont let your husband drag you down and whallow in this terrible lifestyle, if he wont move on then you have to jump ship.