I'm feeling so bloody overwhelmed - Please help.

[Lovemybrood]

At the minute, I am feeling really overwhelmed by what needs doing.

Don't get me wrong, if Kim and Aggie turned up then there would be nothing to do (though they could if they wanted )

Years of clutter have really built up and with how I am feeling at the minute (depression) I am getting fed up of it.

I did the main bedroom the other day and it looks fabulous BUT it puts the rest of the house to shame.

I currently have DDs upstairs tidying the bedroom they are sleeping in at the minute so that it is easier next week when we put them in separate bedrooms (having issues with dd1).

I struggle to keep on top of things and it gets me down. DH and I both work full time, but, on my days off I seem to do the lions share whereas on his days off he watches tele etc. Also, he was brought up in a very cluttered house so he doesn't mind it.

I would like things sorting for christmas so I have a lovely tidy house, but don't know if it is possible.

This is what needs doing

2 x bedrooms MASSIVE tidy up and a good fettle
Landing walls all need a good wipe down
Living room is looking tired, walls need a good wipe down and woodwork repainting.
Kitchen needs totally redecorating and floor scrubbing.

In a list it doesn't seem much, but to my me it brings on an anxiety attack.

Another thing that doesn't help is that, as you all know, bins are only emptied fortnightly, we have nowhere to put the junk etc, we don't drive so can't get to the tip. (We've just done clothes and they have gone to charity).

I don't know what I'm expecting from you, but, am I alone thinking like this, etc, do you have any advice?

OK, I follow the flylady ethos.

Doing something, no matter how small, is better than doing nothing.
Do it in small bits so it doesn't overwhelm you.
what day is bin day? the day before bin day get a bin bag and clear some clutter.
Set the timer on the cooker, get a damp cloth and between now and 12 do 10 minutes wiping. THEN STOP.

before you go tobed tonight have a 15 minute fettle in one of the bedrooms, but only start as much as you can finish in 15 minutes, perhaps one drawer or bookshelf or whatever you feel needs fettling.

Can you sort into piles, like eBay, bin, charity etc? Do you have any friends or relatives who could make use of old toys, clothes etc? I think most councils will arrange one-off collections for a fee. Do one room at a time, and wash one wall at a time. And I'd start by scrubbing the kitchen floor, just pile everything into a corner if you have to - something visibly better to start with always helps me get going :)

Thank you,

This morning i have had a general tidy round in the kitchen and living room as well as sorting laundry etc.

I will be doing some more after lunch.

can you get a cleaner ? we both work full time and i pay a cleaner £10 for one hour. int hat hour he vaccumes all the floors and mops the kitchen, as well as cleaning rest of kitchen and bits and pieces.

i love coming home on a tuesday

its the best tenner i spend all week

It sounds like you have two issues:

one, your husband isn't pulling his weight and that needs to be addressed.
two, is not about the housework so much as dissatisfaction about the house itself? I mean, if it's about walls needing washing or paintwork looking tired, then a cleaner isn't going to do that. A lot of your issue seems to be redecoration/repainting.

For one, what agreement do you and your husband have re; splitting the tasks?

For two, do you have a budget for house upkeep?

Thank you all.

Unfortunately, we don't have enough for a cleaner.

As for upkeep budget, no, we don't have one, we have the gloss,paint etc so it can be done, its just that I don't see the point in decorating when it is untidy.

My aim at the minute is to start from the upstairs and work my way down. I will be honest though, some days I am struggling to function normally, having anxiety attacks want to cry all the time, never mind doing all this.

I feel your pain. What I found with my house was that my cupboards were full of things we never used, so this meant that the things we did use were getting left out, making the place look cluttered and untidy.

Recently I went through one cupboard in my sideboard and binned about half of what was in it, I put some other things upstairs to go into the loft or into the DCs rooms, and it left me with space to put away the magazines I've had out waiting to be read.

I agree with the FlyLady advice about doing little bits at a time, and not trying to build Rome in a day.

Do one thing at a time, and don't worry about what's not getting done. You'll get there.

Your husband needs to stop watching television and do the housework. Just because he doesn't mind living in a messy house doesn't mean you all have too.

Make a list. Every little thing on it and then enjoy crossing them off as you do the jobs.

I am a sahm and I don't have a tidy house for more than about 5 minutes. If we didn't have children then it would be tidy for longer

Thank you all so much, I know that I do worry, I even worry about things that are beyond my control, such is my nature.

I am going to write a list, even the tedious boring jobs.

yourcallisimportant you have reminded me that i have a unit that needs tidying, that will be added to my list too.

Honestly, I would see if there's any manoeuvre in your budget at all to get a cleaner, even if it's for just 2 hours once a month or fortnight. It makes SUCH a difference having one, I don't know how I managed before. What I find particularly helpful is that she leaves the house looking so nice that it motivates me to keep on top of other things. She's slowly trying to de-clutter me too!

Lovemybrood, sorry, I didn't mean to add things to your list

One other thing that might be useful. Send your ironing out if you can afford it. Even just once a month, give them a big pile and save yourself 3 hours.

Your local council might come and collect junk for free - some do, some don't and it depends what it is. Getting rid of loads of clutter makes you feel so much better!

eBay and Gumtree are really easy to use once you know how to use it. People will come and collect your junk for free or you post it to them!

You could join freecycle and advertise your junk for people who want it.
We are getting rid of some of our junk slowly via e-bay and Amazon but it's very time consuming (especially at the beginning when you are trying to work out how to set it up/get things wrapped and posted) and doesn't make much money ...but we have got rid of about a box of stuff.

Is there anyone who could have the dc's for a weekend so you and dh can BOTH try and break the back of it?

If not can he take dc's somewhere and you get a friend or few in to give you a hand?

Personally I would hire a tiny skip (think they cost around £50) or ask someone with a car if we can use it to get stuff to the tip so you can clear stuff you don't want out, once that is done I would move everything into the middle of the living room and gloss the wood work - do it on an evening when dc's are in bed so it will be dry before they can chance to touch it.

Think about storage, ime the place gets cluttered when I don't have somewhere to put things, my house got a lot tidier once I brought things like a bigger wardrobe, a sideboard for the living room, beds with underneath storage etc

Emptying cupboards - I always think this will take me ages, infact you can do it in lots less time that you think. Be ruthless, if you haven't used it in 6-12months consider putting in the bin or the attic.

Hiring a rug doctor is also good, it costs about £30 and you can do the whole house in half a day but I would do this last once everything else on the list is done.

It can be done

years ago I read a feng shui book which although full of mumbo jumbo had one excellent tip for feeling better and creating a a feeling of peace in the house:- throw one object away every day for thirty days, that worked so well and I'm still doing it (on and off)10 years later. anything can count as your object junk mail, last weeks magazine or newspaper and you only have to find one thing to clear out - brilliant.

Whereabouts are you, lovemybrood? North?

you are allowed to chuck out more that one thing if you want to but one a day is fine if you find throwing away difficult.

I would give up trying to get him to see things from your point of view.
Sad to say, some men feel much more comfortable surrounded by clutter, in fact it forms a cave into which they retreat.
Only when the house is magically transformed by your efforts will your husband even notice it is a better place, he will insist to the last that it was "fine" before.
This does not mean you have to get cross with him. Oh no, just enjoy the fact that you are in control of everything and he is a bystander in this process (or perhaps not if he's watching telly) In the end he will be happier when you are happier and the house is a more relaxing haven for you. But take charge of it YOURSELF, because it is YOU that cares. Only you can do it, you can't make him do this journey with you. I know that sounds a bit pompous, but there's more to a household than just washing up.

I think that is probably why you find it so stressful, because you want him to acknowledge how upset the "muddle" makes you, how far from your ideal life you are living. But again, I think only you can be responsible for these feelings, and solving them not him.

I've spent a long time battling with these practical and emotional issues (it's odd how two get so entertwined) and I know in the end I have to be the one that changes the house, as I'm the one that minds. And I do change it, little by little