If your partner works away all week, how do you divide the household tasks?

[NumberoneSportacusfan]

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When my dp did this, I did it all. I didn't want him wasting time he could be spending with the children at the weekend by hoovering. He missed so much of them by not being there on a daily basis that both he and they needed to spend the weekend topping up their "daddy-tanks" to last them the week. He always cooked Sunday lunch though with them helping him while I read the papers with a gin and tonic.

TPT I have been there too my Dcs are now 22 and 24. My DH used to work abroad a lot.

I don't care what else you say you have to do- that's all normal for any mum- I still stand by my point that anyone can fit in half an hour's housework sometime in the day. if not, they must be very disorgainsed.

you don't need to shop daily, or do school admin daily ( I assume that means reading letters they bring home etc.)

"I dislike the notion that men whom work away all week need to return to a perfect home with no responsibilities."

It is not so that the man can have a responsability free life TheProfiteroleThief, and it is not even about them returning to a perfectly clean home (There is no doubt that some things go to the back burner when one is on their own all week with children to taske care off)it is so the Family can catch up and actually spend time together, especially when there are young children involved and they do desesperately miss their dad all week (In our case anyway)

The weay I understand OP, maybe wrongly, is that she would maybe clean the bathroom on Monday and if it is needed again on Thursday she will not do it so her DH will have his share to do when he comes back. Fair enough to not have had time to do it but to leave it on purpose sounds mean to me.

I don't think I am lazy and disorganised. I do admit I am bad at saying to DCs 'no I can't play with you, I need to clean the bathroom'.

"I dislike the notion that men whom work away all week need to return to a perfect home with no responsibilities" Me too!

There is approx 6 hours work to keep the house in a state we both like (on top of cooking and clearing up after meals). Currently we do 3 hours each on weekends. On weekday nights we are usually pretty tired by the time the children are in bed so crash in front of a DVD or read side by side.

If I do 90 minutes per night after the children are in bed, Mon - Thurs, there will be nothing to do at weekends. But as I get up at 6.30 am, I usually go to bed around 10pm. So I wouldn't have any time to do what I enjoy. Partner on the other hand would get approx 2 hours a night for four nights a week to watch movies, socialise, go to gym etc.

Anyway, after discussing it last night, he thinks it is fair for me to leave some to the weekend but that I should do some in the week so we have more time for fun at the weekends.

I started this thread because I wondered how other people divided up the tasks, given that if I start cleaning the bathroom on say Wednesdays instead of Saturdays, it will always get cleaned mid week.

The thread has been an interesting debate! However I suspect we'll be better of working out by trial and error which tasks are best done by me midweek and by him at the weekend.

Oh and I shop most lunchtimes simply because we are miles from any shops and no one delivers to where we live. I work close to the supermarket but my lunch break isn't long enough for me to get everything in one go and have time to eat!

I think you shoudl do the bulk of it in the week tbh.
At least do half of it - 30 mins a day (clean the sink and toilet while kids are in the bath etc) and suggest DH takes the kids to the park for 2hrs on a sat morning to have some much needed Daddy time (for them all!) while you put the radio on and finish off the rest, then have a nice relaxing bath or something.

Will be nicer for you all than both of you sitting on your aarses every evening (well he is, so I will too!) during the week and then spoiling the little time you have together by scrubbing toilets and floors!

Obv if something out of routine happens like someone is ill etc then leaave evenrything to the weekend and let him pick up the slack in thaat instance.

"Well done purple, but I suspect that as your children have been adult and self sufficient for some time, you memory is being kind."

Actually no- my son is back home after uni- has lived with us for 2 years- and my DD is at uni but comes home very hols.

If you find it so hard then maybe you should try getting your kids to do some tidying nad cleaning? Most kids aged 8 and over could manage to hoover their own rooms, and I know a mum who had 4 kids and worked full time; all the kids had theri own jobs to do, which included hoovering, washing tea dishes, putting the rubbish out- otherwise she could not have coped.

Maybe I am just not that fussy. I will dust when you can see it- maybe once every 2-3 weeks, hoover once week except the hall and kitchen floors which get done every other day, but I am fussy over the bathrooms. But how long does it really take to wash the bath and basin and clean the loo? not long.

I wonder OP if your grudge is not so much housework- but the fact that your DP is enjoying his evenigns whilst you are stuck at home with the kids?

numberone- why on earth are you needing to food shop daily? can't you do a big shop once a week, either one evening or weekends? then you would only need to maybe buy the odd item mid week. It sounds as if you need to manage your time better, TBH.

OPI started this thread because I wondered how other people divided up the tasks, given that if I start cleaning the bathroom on say Wednesdays instead of Saturdays, it will always get cleaned mid week.

maybe you need to look at short cuts and multi taks?

We have 2 bathrooms. I often clean mine this way: spray the bath and basin and shower with cleaner whilst I am applying my make up or taking my make up off in the morning or evening. After 10 minutes, I rinse the bath,basin and shower, give the loo a quick clean with a spray or wipes and put bleach down it, then once week or so mop the floor.
If you do that daily or 3-4 times a week, it takes no time at all.

I do as much as I can during the week, but I always sit down by 8 or 830 in the evening, and if things don't get done then we do them between us when he is here. (I do have a cleaner once a week.) I wouldn't leave stuff undone on principle because he is away having a nice time and I want to punish him when he gets home! OK he might get to sleep all night without children interrupting, and have lovely meals out, but I know where he would rather be.

numberone - does your HB live somewhere supermarkets deliver during the week? if so he could get all the tinned/packet stuff and you could just do the fresh? would also enable him to use his time usefully. could he take the ironing away with him?

maybe we are filthy, but most of our housework gets done once a week - none of this cleaning bathrooms each day???!! and 6 hours cleaning seems a lot?

think you need to review all your work and consider easier/quicker ways. maybe make a list of what you do in a week and time things?

There is no way that i spend/used to spend 6 hrs a week on housework.
If you think what a paid cleaner canget through in 2 hours- it's quite a lot.

Things that take me time are cooking- one meal a day entirely from scratch.
Ironing- and I only do shirts and things that really need ironing- not sheets but will do duvet as it is 100% cotton.
Hanging washing out and bringing in, sorting etc etc.

*My usual housework consists of

*a weekly hoover downstairs.
*Weekly or once a fortnight hoover of bedrooms ( kids did their own once they were teens)
*Dusting- no more than once a fortnight.
*hall floor- wood- gets hoovered and w iped anything from daily to 3 times a week, and same for kitchen floor which is tiled.
*En suite bathroom- as I said, quick lick over maybe 3 x a week, and main bathroom weekly.
*Downstairs loo- as and when- maybe weekly, as it's not used much- mainly by me.

Stairs get hoovered now and then- should be weekly but not.

Does this sound very sluttish?
Doubt if i spend more than 2 hrs a week cleaning but add in another hour for ironing.

I clean once a week with top up hoovering usually every other day. And even for me with my Monica-esque tendencies, that's plenty to keep the house looking respectable!

Cleaning gets done on my day off - I work PT, DH works FT and I don't really care what's fair or not; I do it then because that way it's done and we have a bit of time together at weekends. He more than pulls his weight when he's home.

Getting him to pick up the non-fresh goods is a good idea, thanks. I will have a look at the task list and time myself.

Kids are under 8. They help a bit to clear up their own mess but I don't think it is fair to rely on them after school for things like cleaning windows, mopping floors.

I am not talking about cleaning only (although it is a fairly big house and ages ago when we had a cleaner she did 3 hours a week and still didn't get all the cleaning done) I mean all household tasks.

Have decided to leave the kids beds to him as I can't put clean sheets on while they are sleeping in them!

I do windows whenever- window cleaner for outside and inside gets done maybe once every 2 months.

I don't want to sound mean, but maybe you have to lower your standards a bit. I also pick up from what you say that you have 4 kids ? It is impossible to keep a house spotless with that number of kids unless you devote big chunks of time to it.

Would it help if you made a list of what needs to be done and then did it day by day?

Bed changing is obviously easier at a weeekend and it doesn't matter who does it, as the other one will be amusing the kids or whatever.

PurplePoney, I do not know how many Dcs OP has but I can tell you that your routine would definitely not be enough in my houshold with 4 Dcs. If the bathroom/kitchen floor, hoovering of every room is not done daily, the house looks abandonned. I am no clean freak but the bare minimum takes me more than an hour a day on top of playing with the Dcs school runs and cooking, you can also easly double (at least) your irining time. I cannot remember last time cleaned the interior of my windows (except kitchen one that have in the face a lot so clean it reasonably often.)

I have never hoovered every room every day- why do you need to do that?
we have a 4-bed, 3 reception, 2 bathroom house. The rule is and always has been, shoes off at the front door, and no food anywhere except kitchen or dining room. If I had allowed my kids to trail crumbs/food throughout the house then I can see why daily hoover was necessary.
We also have pale cream carpet downstairs- not in the hall though- and this actually shows fewer bits of fluff etc than dark carpets.

But this isn't about housework, is it? It's about time off from the children, which the op's other half has every evening, and she has none during the week. So the whole question is about time off and tiredness.

But surely it's a caseof how you interpret theri situation? I picked up that the OP fel resentful, that her DH was almost living the single life during the week, but this becomes a post for relationships rather than GH surely?

Other men in his situation might be lonely, wishing they were at home instead of in some hotel room, and be offering to muck in once they are home at the weekend.

I think they need to talk about their feelings, not about housework.

Ultimately however, if hehas towork away to support his family, which does cause disruption to family life, then i think his wife just needs to accept that and if necessary let thehousework slip a bit if she finds it all too much.

BlooKangaWonders, I did not have that impression at all from OP, I agree with PurplePony that OP only talked about how to share housework, not at all about having time "child free".

Purplepony, I think my situation is not very typical, we are a large family in a rather small accomodation with little storage space. There is never a single room not being used to its full potential. I gives us 2 choices, do nothing but watch TV and the house stays more manageable or carry on living and doing things that the children find fun (run arround and move half the fourniture, do some craft...) and spend a lot more time hoovering and cleaning to keep on top of it, I chose the second option.

I know my hubby would give anything to spend more time with the kids and to be here. So he's not whooping it up - he's working. And his mid-week accommodation is impossibly grim, no one would choose to be there.

Having said that, even if he was at home, there's no way he'd do any more housework. He doesn't see the mess and if anything just creates more of it.

All that would happen if I expected him to do equal amounts of housework is that I'd end up nagging him continuously, and he'd continue to ignore the mess. I choose to be neater than him, therefore it's my CHOICE to do the housework.

After all, I haven't heard of many people dying from untidyness.

Suffering from a bit of insomnia as I am worried DP will not wake up in time!

BlooKanga is right. Until now, after 8.30pm on weekday evenings, we have used this time when the children were asleep to do something together or to relax separately in the same room or different rooms.

We have then mucked into together to do household tasks at the weekend. The only things we would do in the week would be things that couldn't wait (if someone had been sick for example) or the bins.

I am not resentful of him 'living the single life'. However I think I would be exhausted and resentful if I did nothing relaxing/for myself from Monday - Thursday evening so that weekends could be housework free.

One of the things I like about doing the jobs at the weekend is that the children get to see what needs to be done and get to see us both doing what needs to be done. I think it is a good example to set.
They are more likely to have the energy to join in so it can be finished quicker or to amuse themselves happily if they don't feel like joining in. If they want to do something with one or both of us, it is not too long to say: wait until after lunch.
On school nights they are tired and more likely to squabble so I prefer to do things with them when we get in.

I have decided to try to do a little each evening once they are in bed, but I am going to stop at 9.15 pm to relax. DP will still have plenty of time to do family things. The kids are awake 13 hours a day so if you take off a couple of hours housework and a couple of hours for meals, that is still 20 hours of 'free time' on a weekend. They won't want to spend all of that with us