Tricky visitors

[Mikki77]

Hi everyone,

Wpuld love some advice on how to handle an upcoming situation without upsetting or offending anyone. My big 40th was during lockdown so I didn't really have a big celebration just a lovely meal cooked for me by husband and children.

Now three of my cousins want to come and visit me for a long weekend and take me out to lunch for a birthday celebration. All very sweet. However every time they visit it costs a fortune. If we pop out for coffee/lunch/ dinner they expect us to pay as they are 'visitors' and we are the 'hosts.' They've even told us on a couple of occasions not to bother cooking amd to grab a takeaway but for the 4 of us and 3 of them it's not cheap amd they never contribute.

They all have really good jobs and earn good money. Yes my husband and I have good jobs too but are basically getting fed up of paying. In all the years we have visited all of them we have never been out for coffee let alone lunch, dinner or even a takeaway. I love them all dearly but how do I ask them to split the costs without upsetting them?

"Sorry, we can't afford. It cost us over £X last time you came!"

Send them links to Air B&B and meet after lunches. Or coffee shop, get there early and be seated when the get there... Take just enough cash to get your own....
Be as sly as them spongers!!

I would tell them I have a friend who's in the middle of a tricky family situation and you're helping "whenever" you're needed. Tell your cousins you can't commit to them as you've already promised your friend you'd help and you don't know when you might be needed.
I hate fights and I feel like any talk about splitting costs would not end well because they're probably been doing this for so long that they feel entitled to it by now. Specially given they've never had an issue with it and you've let them get away with it for so long.
When it comes to family, in the long run the person with the nastiest tongue always gets away with it because they go around telling everybody "the truth", so I'd go with a white lie.
I also have to ask, do you live in a desirable place? Because I had a cousin who used to "visit" but really she went round meeting other people and I wouldn't even get invited but was sort of expected to drive her round. Your story sounds familiar unfortunately.