Home schooling advice

[Blef1974]

I have three children, my oldest loves school so much she wants to be a primary school teacher, my little one is in reception and doing well.

My middle dd is 10, about to go to secondary school in September and is worrying me. She has hated school since nursery. She is dyspraxic, and bright, loves science and nature and art and music and ideally would love to work with animals. She has always been more interested in finding beetles and worms than the whole girly thing. The other girls in her class make life difficult for her as she is individual, and already prefers rock music to pop, and can do things like recite the Jaberwocky from memory.

I have thought about taking her out of school before, we moved in March from a three tier system to a two tier system. Before we moved I toyed with the idea of home education for her. I am a SAHM and am prepared to take this on.

But she struggles with relating to other children already. She has been referred to the local Children's Mental Health team as she is struggling with lots of things.

I am torn with what to do. Can anyone advise, I hate seeing her cry when she talks about the other kids and how mean they can be, and she says several times a week that she is poorly and cannot go to school but i make her go.

I'M starting to believe that school, even the best schools, is really not the right solution for some children. Maybe a couple of years out of school would be all she needs. If you feel willing to do it and she is a squar peg in a round hole at school atm, I would seriuosly consider it.

I wonder if dc who struggle to get along with other dc at school will eventually get the hang of it, acquire whatever social skills they need to be accepted or if it just is stressful for them and they get more withdrawn and scared, the longer it goes on.

Any sign that things are getting worse (how she reacts/how she is treated at school)?

She has been in tears tonight. Says she hates school, she hates the other girls. She has been diagnosed as a kinsetic (sp) learner i.e. She learns by doing and she hates being stuck in a classroom.

I don't think school suits her at all, and the thought of secondary school, where there are hundreds of children from 11 to 18 around terrifies me for her.

if you are pretty sure deep down that you would not be sending her to secondary, I think really the sooner you take her out the better

have you spoken to the teacher/school at all about how unhappy she is? If so, what did they say about it?

Thanks for the advice.

They do the usual "there's not a problem with bullying" thing.

They do accept that dd is struggling socially but are not prepared to do anything. They also accept that dd has problems with her dyspraxia and that she is a kinsetic learner but obviously they don't accommodate that as they get older.

I dread picking her up each night, there always seems to be a drama when I do.

So what practicalities do I have to consider? Obviously I would need to deregister her, but is there any good books about home school from secondary age? Or websites that would give me guidelines as to how to teach her from home?

bumping the how to deregister thread for you...

and I've bumped threads about books and websites.

Rule of thumb: it takes a child a month to recover for every year they spent in school. you could take the dereg. letter in tomorrow rather than your daughter, and your best thing to do between now and Christmas would be to do lots of reading yourself about home ed, and just enjoy spending the time withyour daughter, and watch her gradually get her confidence back. No hurry on anysort of "teaching"

Cool. That is great advice. I am going to have a chat with dd to to tomorrow and see what she thinks, although I cannot see her objecting in any way, shape or form.

Also consider checking out the how to find other home educators thread and if there are any groups locally you might want to go and have a chat with some parents. It gave me so much confidence to actually meet home educating families and talk about the different ways that people make it work.

Blef1974 wrote:

But she struggles with relating to other children already. She has been referred to the local
Children's Mental Health team as she is struggling with lots of things.

I feel for you very much, Blef. I'd suggest that you take her out of school and see how things go before going the mental health route (unless you really feel that that is what you want to do). The school environment is toxic for some kids. If your DD's behaviour and struggles are a rational response to spending so much time in an environment that is stressful to her, then a mental health diagnosis (or treatment) may simply make things worse.

I'd go with what ommmward says: take her out, give at least six months to "deschool" and see how things pan out. My DD (now 18) would probably have had an ASD diagnosis if she had been in school and mental health services were considered. Because she was not in school, we could concentrate on what was important to her (and me) and ignore the academic stuff (except in that it gave us stuff to do - it was not the main focus, IYSWIM). Once she is out of school, you have time to go to social situations (such as EHE groups) together and you can be proactive about helping her deal with them. Unlike in school, you can leave after 15 mins (if that is all your DD can cope with) and gradually build time. You can discuss any incidents and problems immediately - and you know what happened, because you were there.

Have spoken to my mum about it this morning and although she has some reservations (she's not the most free thinking woman in the works by any means) she can see why I would want to take her out of school.

She even said that she c old he with subjects such as biology as she used to be a midwife. Plus we are going away to Egypt in the future and i know that dd2 would love to learn more about that before we go.

It's becoming more and more appealing as i think about it.

Have a look at some home educating blogs, once you find one you like, the links at the side will lead you to others. Warning, this can become addictive, but in a good way!