Hi.
It can be difficult if the norm for the child is to be at school.
I'd suggest she joins the EO single parent list if she wants advice from people in the same situation.
Is the mum the one dealing with the majority of school problems and day to day stuff?
What I'd do in that position is to write the dad a letter that went something like this
I'd write/email him saying something like this:
"Hello MarnaBean's friend's ex
These are the problems we are having with DD and school. DESCRIBE ALL
This is what we/I have already done to try and solve the problems. DESCRIBE and talk about what contact you have had with the school and anything they've suggested saying what happened when you tried it or why you don't believe it will work. What you and DD have talked about, anything you and ex have discussed.
This is what I would like to try (home ed). However if you(ex) have any other solutions I am happy to try them first. However I will not be fully responsible for carrying out these ideas - ex MUST be fully involved in working through school issues including attending any meetings, events etc.
If ex doesn't have any alternative suggestions or if we try them for x period of time and they aren't helping you will withdraw your DD.
Explain what it involves; we will write to the school and they are responsible for telling the LA. The LA will probably get in touch and you will write back to them telling them you will be taking x weeks/months to settle down and then you will write to them about your educational provision. So you an ex should discuss what you each think are the most important things and how you want to handle home ed. How you'll make sure DD socialises and gets to experience new things. Maybe link to some of the research you've done.
What does ex think are the key things he wants DD to get from education? And what role will ex play? (cheat a bit and spell out the benefits to ex, if there are any, as well as DD - contact wont be determined by school times/holidays. Can ex share his interests with DD more?) What is he concerned about and how can you both make sure that isn't a problem?
Maybe suggest he joins this list for dads and speaks to them about any concerns. Its small and quiet - but I'm sure he'll get an answer if he posts a message.
I know that we both want the best for our lovely DD and hope we can work together on this
MarnaBean's Friend"
I'd think that if she gives her ex every chance to be involved in the process (of trying to keep DD in school or making the choice to withdraw her) then he wont have much of a leg to stand on if he did contest it. And she should keep a record of all this too, so she can show she did involve him and either tried everything ex wanted to keep DD in school or ex didn't support her in keeping DD in school and so she felt had to make this decision against his wishes.
Obviously it all depends a lot on the involvement of the dad and if he's contesting it in the (real or imagined) best interests of his DD, or just to be difficult. And what their relationship is like in general etc.