slight panic....

[becaroo]

....its me again!

Just got back from a break with ds1 and ds2 and hubby - as a surprise for ds1 for his 7th birthday we went to center parcs at longleat for 5 days - but am getting a bit worried about his home ed.

Til about a month ago I was trying to be fairly structured wrt literacy and numeracy but it was making us both unhappy so I listened to all the great advice on here and from the books and stopped. We have been playingautonomously educating ever since.

Trouble is, he isnt really doing anything you could call work IYSWIM?? We are having lots of stuff done ot the house over the summer which will mean disruption/less time too and I am wondering if I am just being lazy????

Before the trip we were reading up and looking at websites about "titanic" which he was really interested in. But apart from a couple of seesions a week on mathwhizz, that is basically all we have done We are also working on an a lapbook about eagles but that isnt finished either!

All this being said, ds1 is very happy. We had a great time on our trip. He is so much more confident now...he had a horse riding lesson!!! And he held a python and fed wild deer. He was chatting to everyone we met - he asked the lady at longleat house why the marquis of bath wasnt there as he wanted to say hello!!!!!

I guess I just need a bit of reassurance that the learning is happening but I am just too dense to realise it!!

Thanks!!

"All this being said, ds1 is very happy. We had a great time on our trip. He is so much more confident now...he had a horse riding lesson!!! And he held a python and fed wild deer. He was chatting to everyone we met - he asked the lady at longleat house why the marquis of bath wasnt there as he wanted to say hello!!!!!"

You said it there yourself.

We all have our own way of home edding and no one way is right but I used to worry about that kind of thing (DCs now at school) so we started each day with 30mins of English, 30mins of Maths and 30mins of some kind of 'understanding of the world' project - then I could relax the rest of the day knowing learning could just happen. That kind of thing might make your DS more upset though.

Stop thinking about whether or not he's doing stuff that looks like 'work'.

You have no idea what he's learnt from all you've been doing, or how he's learnt it.

What books have you read about autonomous learning? Have you got any local HEors taking the same approach that you can garner a little RL support from?

From the various threads I've read on here, this is a pretty standard panic and I'm sure more will be along to reassure you!

Maybe he's still going through the 'deschooling' phase?

In the meantime though, if DS isn't too excited about the second lapbook - a shame after the first went so well. Can't remember what thread I posted it on, but did you suggest that PowerPoint presentation idea to him? It might be that presenting the information in a similar way to last time is a bit boring for him?

Also, if he's anything like my DD1, then you're probably causing damage (for want of a less dramatic word!) by trying to push the lapbooking.

You need things to be primarily for fun. If they're not engaging him, then they're not worth doing. He won't learn (as in 'retain') anything from something he's feeling coerced into sitting and doing - he'll be doing it for you, not him IYSWIM.

I really, really do sympathise. I can't tell you how much I panic about my 'work'-shy DD1 (7), because of how little she does that looks like 'work'. But I have to keep reminding myself to take a step back and look at what she knows/enjoys/can do. She knows way, way more about the world than she would do if she were in school. She has 'covered', in her own way, anatomy; victorians; dinosaurs; evolution; fossils; the wars; space; grammar; difficult maths concepts; lots of literacy going on (texting on my phone, emailing, reading library books, writing notes to her friends, writing lists); dance and lots more that I'm sure is going on but that I can't see!

And she did learn to read autonomously, which I had no hand in except for creating an environment for her that was (still is!) rich in letters and words - lots and lots of books; lots of alphabet games/posters/toys; lots of computer games. She did it very young, but the very fact she did it that way gives me confidence that the other three will when the time is right for them.

Having said all that, the minute I let my panic overtake me, and I start trying to get her do to 'work', her learning deteriorates, her interest in learning deteriorates (more worryingly) and our relationship deteriorates. Trying to 'teach' is the worst thing I can do and I have to see that the best thing is to trust in her. That doesn't mean I do nothing - I make suggestions, I provide opportunities etc. - but I don't put any pressure on at all, in the slightest, and I watch her carefully and stop myself when I see her start to look fed up.

The learning is happening!

Yes, it really is!

Honestly, he's learning!

What he is not doing is proceeding through a curriculum absorbing knowledge and skills to someone else's pre-arranged timetable. That's OK! My DC never did anything that looked like work. My DD did not start writing until she was over 11 - she then started writing fiction and now she always has a notebook in her hand. I have not read the vast majority of it - it is hers and I only read it if she asks me to.

Your DS1 is 7 - why should he want to formalise all he does? If you go to see a film or read a good book, do you write a report on it? Have you created a lapbook about the things you saw on holiday? The main reason for school being hooked on reading and writing is that with a 30:1 ratio (it is assumed that) it would be difficult for the teacher to keep track of all the children's learning if it was not written.

However, having to record what you are doing can remove the joy of an activity. I know I hated having to write a book report at school - when I read fiction, I do it for enjoyment not because I want to dissect the plotting and characterisation.

What do you want to see from your DS and why? If it is to satisfy some mythical monster (such as an EWO), don't worry about it - the LA has no right to see anything he has done. If it is because you have still not deschooled, then I am not surprised. We say it takes children a month for every year in school to regain their natural ability to learn. I don't know how old you are, but assume you are at least 25. You have been thinking that school is the only way to do education for 20 years - it may take you a couple of years to deschool while it only takes him a couple of months! It would probably be more beneficial if you could manage not to pass your anxiety on to him.

My DC never went to school and I knew from before their birth that I would home educate. However, my DD was 12 before I realised that my mindset had changed from thinking that what we were doing was slightly odd to thinking that universal schooling was such a bizarre idea.

Children do learn, depite what we do. Little children need an opportunity to discover what the world is about - and every person will make sense of it differently. One of the great joys of EHE is your child coming out with something and you wondering where he picked it up. [And I know that can happen if they are in school, but it is an added bonus when you are together all the time.]

Hello all.

Yes, of course. You are right.

sDeuchars I think the point about me needing to deschool is a valid one.....it seems like a great cosmic joke on me (who read from age 5 and has never stopped since) to have a child who hates reading BUT he is he and I am me and we are very different. I think I need to stop thinking of myself as a "failure" because ds1 is not reading fluently yet. The pressure of getting him to read from school and also other parents I found soul crushing.....I knew ds1 would do it in his own time when he is ready but professional educators dont work that way do they? And what did I know...I am only his mother!!!!

He is such a lovely little chap....and I love our new life together. He wants ds2 to be EHE as well but I have had to explain that as he was given the choice, ds2 will be too. I really hope he chooses EHE!!!

Thanks again x

I so know where you are coming from becaroo. My 9 year old dd2 has been HE for her last term at lower school due to problems at school (she is dyslexic and has Aspergers traits). She's happy as anything as long as she's cooking, playing Club Penguin,watching DVDs or out somewhere but when I tried to get her to do a maths book today she flipped completely. I am an idiot but I'm worried about how she will cope in middle school come September (and I would secretly prefer her to stay HE)

Why can't she stay HE, Kate?

Sorry Mrs W - real life got in the way there! Her dad feels she needs to go to school, he can't "get" autonomous HE at all, is very unhappy that she's not doing workbooks, spellings etc. Her behaviour can be very challenging and unfortunately it is much worse at weekends which is when he is around than when she is alone at home with me. He had a poor education himself (deprived area, rough school) and has had to work very hard to make a career for himself. I think he wants the girls to have a good education but he can't think outside the box.

Today she has baked cakes for the local church drop-in, played a lot of games on Facebook (taught herself how to do it as I don't do Facebook!) and in the process learned what percentages are, written a couple of postcards, cooked pasta bake for tea and been to Brownies. I think that's fine but dh won't

Will DH read anything about EHE? I'd particularly recommend How Children Learn at Home by Alan Thomas and Harriet Pattison. They are academics not EHEers, so they cannot be accuesed of beong partisan or cherry-picking the best anecdotes. They found that autonomous education is extremely efficient, at least up to age 12. Given how well this term has gone and the problems DD was having at school, would DH be open to the idea that she stays EHE for the next few years and that you reassess at secondary entry?

Thanks SDeuchars-I hav'n't got that book but he wouldn't read Free Range Education or anything from EO so I'm not hopeful but will get it anyway. dd2 is going into the middle school for an hour next Tuesday to go round with the SENCO but she's very negative about going into a school again despite having previously been very sure she wanted to go to middle school. We have a three tier system here so to go back to school in year 7 would be hard - all friendship groups formed etc. Could keep her out til year 9 and start Upper School then I suppose.
Sorry becaroo for complete hijack of your thread!

If you can keep her out until Y9, she might see some point in it (getting exams with her age group). Alternatively, your DH might see it is working and be open to alternatives you and she may have by that time.

One term is really not long enough to see EHE make a difference, especially for a child who was having problems in school.

You are right (and I know you have been HEing for along time so respect your opinion greatly). I have actually seen a big difference in her confidence since she left school. She actually talks to people when we're out and about for one thing. I can't bear to see her go back to the unhappy little creature she was . Will get that book and start marshalling my arguments but DH is a very stubborn man. I am worried that this could cause a huge rift between us and upset all our children.

Why won't he be more open-minded about it? Why is he being so stubborn? It seems very unfair on the whole family if he makes decisions based on no accurate information whatsoever! Is he the head of the family? Or are you a team? Can't you say that you want him to prove to you that school will be better before you agree to send her?

I am sorry to hear that your dh is being so negative about EHE kate If its any consolation, so was mine!!!

However, he has seem the change in ds1 and as can help and add to the learning he is happy

Can you show your dh this thread or some others on HE?? Maybe he thinks you are the only ones????

Hi, thanks for messages. I hav'n't run away but had a busy weekend and was thinking! dd is going to visit middle school with the SENCO tomorrow and possibly join a Yr5 class for a lesson on Wednesday. If she says she doesn't want to go after that I will keep her at home. I talked to dh about how he feels and he partly thinks it's not good for her to get her own way all the time, partly that I don't make her learn enough (i.e. do written work) and partly that having her at home means I can't get a job. Although we are comfortably off on his income he would like to not have the pressure of bringing in all the money and once dd3 turned five he assumed I would go back to work.