I almost forgot about this thread because no one seemed to respond!
Luckily I remembered to check it today.
Well my DS sounds like a bit like your DN- lazy and also v.naughty in class.
He is always getting detentions, timed out of class or sent home for a couple of days at a time. He has quite a challenging personality both at home and school, has received counselling for his emotional/behavioural issues, and it has been inferred that behind his problems are issues of anxiety/low self-esteem. When he feels uncomfortable he can react by being angry and disruptive.
He went to a brilliant Primary school in Islington in where the Head, and most of his teachers, tried their best to allow him to learn in the way he found best (often alone rather than in groups) and generally managed his behaviour well. As a result, he excelled academically and made some good friends.
I hoped he would be able to have a similiar experience at Secondary level. Alas, it has been 2 years of hell, and he has gone from loving school or at least being enthusiastic about it, to hating it. The whole experience has been demoralising.
I don't want to identify the school on here incase any one recognises me from RL.
When my ds is relaxed and happy and not feeling anxious he can be calm, intelligent and charming.
He has also struggled to make any meaningful friendships at Secondary level.
All in all the Secondary experience has been very negative. I feel that I have perservered for nearly 2 years and things are not improving, and I now need to consider alternatives.
BTW, most Islington schools are quite "rough" especially ones that take boys, and for all my sons misdemeanors in class he probably wouldn't be called "rough"...."different/unusual" is a more accurate description of DS