Bedtimes: relaxed or routine?

[robberbutton]

For the last few weeks DS (4) has been settling about 9pm. I fought it until a couple of nights ago when I just let him potter around until he climbed into bed himself, resulting in a much lovelier atmosphere. We HE so obv he's not tired from school, and we have very relaxed days. I always try and get out to the forest for a couple of hours, and we walk everywhere as don't have a car.

But I've also read Toxic Childhood and lots on how important it is for kids to get loads of sleep (he gets up between 6:30-7:30). Should I work harder at getting him down earlier?

What would you/do you do?

Thanks

Grandson is 11 on Friday. He is very energetic and can't stay up past 9, 9.15 at the latest.
He gets up at about 8.30 and, as we have a structured day, we start 'doing stuff' at about 9 a.m.
He still has a story at bedtime and it isn't stressful as he is usually ready for bed anyway.

Very tight routine here, but then as ds has AS we need that throughout the day anyway.

Up at 7am, bed at 9pm (he's 11), occasionally a bit later if we're watching something on tv or out, but he's always knackered next day if he's up late and we don't get much done. If I'm to be able to plan work and activities I need to be sure he'll be up and ready each morning otherwise the day will be wasted.

For younger children, I think it's important to establish a routine first before you move out of it occasionally, so there's always the security of that routine to return to when necessary. But then I think all children need a degree of routine and structure just to feel safe.

Lovely sleepyhead 11 year olds! Do you think that about to hit puberty has something to do with it as well (or are they young for that yet)?

Our routine is: tea, tidy up time, bath (not every night), put DDs down, read DS a story, brush teeth, tuck in. Spend the next hour putting him back to bed. It's not set in stone though, chops and changes if DH is around (about half the week).

Thanks

If he needed more sleep he'd let you know by being ratty etc. in the daytime. Or he'd sleep later in the morning. All children are different. The thing with most 'guidelines' about children and sleep is that they assume that children have to get up early in the morning and spend most of the day at school (which is hard work and tiring).

My DDs are all asleep between 8 and 9.30pm. The 7, 3yo and 1yo are all awake by 7.30am and the 5yo doesn't wake up until 8-8.30am, which suggests she needs more sleep than the others.

One relaxed, one routine, and has always been that way. My eldest has needed virtually no sleep since birth (!), and is regularly wandering around after I am in bed (she's 14, but it wasn't much better when she was 4!).

My youngest has a strict lights off by 9pm rule (she's 10) - this was about 7pm when she was 4. If she stays up too late she starts crying over nothing, even now, and gets herself into such a state I have to be firm over her bedtime. She also falling asleep on the sofa the next day.

If your son is happy on the late nights, I wouldn't stress yourself by fighting it. If he is fractious and tired that night or the next day, you know to enforce an earlier time.

It was 8:30 last night, yey!

He's a sometimes very challenging 4 year old (any of them that aren't?) but I don't know that I can directly relate his behaviour to late or early bedtimes. What helps more I think is our routine during the day, and not palming him off on the grandparents trying to fit in a zillion activities.