Just want to rant a bit!

[MrsWobbleTheWaitress]

Our parents are very, very supportive of our HEing, but I get the impression that my dad just follows my mum; and my MIL just follows my FIL in their opinions. I get hints here and there that MIL and my dad have concerns and it's really bothering me, my dad in particular as I value his good opinion far more than my daft MIL!

The other day he was saying how DD2 (5)'s learning was going to be undoubtedly hindered by not being able to read . Now DD1 (now 7) learnt to read (autonomously) very young, and he's very involved with the children, so I expect he's basing his ideas on her. Also he works in a school so sees all the very structured reading teaching going on there, and none in our house.

I've asked mum to try to explain a bit more about autonomous learning and how it works as he clearly doesn't get it, despite being involved in our family so much! Firstly, DD2 is at the same stage she would be in school, so not behind what schools would like her to be, but behind what her older sister was. Secondly, I don't mind when she learns to read - all I want to see is progress (however slow) and an interest in books and she has both those things in spades! She's always got her head in a book. Thirdly, in terms of knowledge, she knows way, way more about a far broader range of subjects, than she would be expected to know if she were in school and, funnily enough, she's learnt it all even though she can't read!

And yet still he thinks it's a problem and it's very annoying! He just kept saying 'but of course it will hinder her learning - DD1 can just pick up a book if she wants to know something but DD2 has to ask', which is true at face-value, but when you look at what she does know, and how much she has learnt, it's clear that not reading is not hindering her in anyway at all!

Ok, thanks for listening!

I am umming and ahhing about starting home ed with DS at the moment. I have not spoken to many people about it but have had a couple of conversations with my Mum. She is obviously not pro but has listened and taken on my points, while calmly making her points, could have been conversations about anything really. BUT she did say during the second of these conversations that she had spoken to Dad about it and he had said 'he would definitely say no to that'.....Now my Dad is someone who I would normally ask for advice on pretty much anything and I really value his opinion, but I am now avoiding speaking to him about this subject. I guess I should talk to him as he may well have some points I haven't thought of which I could then make sure I address. Dad is an ex teacher and I feel kind of wierd going against his opinions on education.
Dunno what I am trying to say really...just rambling on lol but I can see where you are coming from even though I haven't started the home ed journey as yet.

It's the elephant in the room with my in-laws

You could point out that so far she's managed to learn to walk, talk, wash, potty train, learn to pick out her own clothes and dress herself, put used clothes in the laundry basket, help with cooking, invent imaginative stories, and come up with her own theories about how the world works, all without having to read a book about any of those topics. Is there some particular reason that he thinks that way of learning is suddenly going to stop dead? Unless he's expecting her to start on complicated nuclear physics and superstring theory in the next couple of years; being a fluent reader would probably be an advantage for that, I suppose.

(I don't HE but like the idea and would do it like a shot if I thought school didn't suit either of my DCs)

Would it be worth pointing out to him that different people learn in different ways - even as adults, some of us will automatically pick up a book to learn something new, while others prefer to learn by talking to someone who knows about it. Neither is right or wrong, and people can learn just as much from one method as the other.

Or ask him what he thinks you should be doing differently, so that you can understand what his concern is? He can see that you've done fine with DD1, perhaps he just needs to realise that children reach different stages at different times and its unfair to comapre them.

Stuffed - my mum and my uncle are both teachers and they are our greatest supporters! Along with FIL who is a psychotherapist I'm a bit that your mum said your dad would say no to HE! It's hardly his decision is it?

robber - up until now I didn't realise it was an issue for anyone in our family. My Grandma openly expressed concern at not understanding how it worked, I explained it to her and offered her the Alan Thomas and Harriet Pattison book to read (How Children Learn At Home) and she's now a great supporter too - keeps saying how much the children know etc. It's a bit depressing to keep finding out in dribs and drabs that my dad has concerns, though Makes me angry, too, actually!

Professor - I did say that too him. As well as saying how mcuh she's learnt about a whole load of other things. But he says 'DD1 wants to know something, she reads it in a book; DD2 can't do that'. I had to stop myself being sullen and teenagery and saying 'so' in a stroppy way .

AMIS - your second paragraph is a great idea! Next time it comes up I'll say that to him.

We had a disagreement a while ago about the Badman review and he spouted all the usual crap you read 'if it only saves one child blah, blah, blah' even though I kept saying it wouldn't save any more children than would be saved if they actually implemented the current guidelines properly. But even that shocked me that he felt that way about it and I did get cross with him about it. It was interesting that a few days later he mentioned how regular inspections could be the thin end of the wedge and how interfering in things usually causes more problems than it solves.

I just think he works in a school, so feels defensive about it, and he does like to disagree with me just for the sake of disagreeing sometimes. But it doesn't half get on my wick!

This is why I don't want to speak to him about it now....it is our decision not his....He hasn't brought the subject up when we have spoken so I think he is trying not to interfere, so I guess it could be worse.
But from comments my Mum made I think he thinks kids learn better from someone 'outside' IYKWIM but he also says that they will only learn things if their interest can be sparked. I am not sure that he realises how few teachers are either willing or able to go with the flow and try different methods for different kids. I know he was a good teacher but it was a few years ago now and I get the distinct impression that teachers are becoming more and more restricted all the time.
He has said that he would be happy to help DS with maths (this is the main issue at school and happens to be my Dad's speciality, about which he is passionate) but doubts DS would see him as a person to learn from as such. I suspect this may be the case if learning is always seperated off as something that happens at school.
And that is only my family who are fairly open minded (usually). DH's lot would not be impressed at all, not that we really care what they think lol

I would just go for saying "So?" in a stroppy way, personally. It sums up the argument quite well .

Or "At this stage in her development DD1 learns best from books [or some variant on that that reflects how you actually think your DD1 learns]. At this stage in her development DD2 learns best from discussing things face to face. To be perfectly honest, the ability to structure the way they learn to what suits them as individuals at any given moment is one of the main reasons I'm home educating in the first place, so would be pretty odd to then worry that DD2 isn't learning in exactly the same way as DD1."

good post Layton (although I like the 'so???' idea too.

I've not mentioned HE to my parents for a while, as I know they're not in favour of it.

I hate that some people see learning as something that happens at school, 9-3, mon-fri. I learnt more about maths from my dad than I did at school in the early years - fond memories of watching Donald In Mathmagic Land, probably aged 3 or 4, he explained the Fibonacci sequence and the golden ratio (didn't have a chance of not being a geek did I!)

Professor - you are very wise. What an accurate name you've got!

I would far rather have someone I couldn't care less about having concerns so I could have a good old barney with them about it - I'm miffed it's my dad.

I'm going to memorise your last paragraph and spout it at him next time. If I forget it when the time comes, I'll just say 'so' stroppily