Thinking about HE

[stuffedmk]

DS (nearly 9) is currently in school but we are thinking about taking him out and going the HE route.
DS says he wants to stay at school but when asked the only things he says he likes are lunchtime, swimming and orienteering.
The reason we are considering HE is his difficulties learning in the school environment. There is a question about whether he has ASD (most likely Aspergers) but this has not been confirmed as yet. He does get extra help at school and they are doing as good a job as I think is possible but there are areas that he is just not 'getting it' (numeracy in particular).
He is bright and hoovers up information, reading loads on all sorts of subjects at home already. We are finding that we are spending hours going through the 'short' pieces of homework that he brings home each week, he is clearly not taking things in at school (he does tend to drift of into his own little world, and is very easily distracted by what the other kids are doing in the classroom). We are finding that we are having to do numeracy at home anyway (we use workbooks/set him questions) and I think most of what he actually takes in is from reading lots of books at home rather than at school.
There is obviously the issue of socialisation but he doesn't really socialise that much at school anyway....he has some friends but tends to prefer to run around on his own at playtimes. He already goes to karate lessons where he gets to see other kids.
I suppose what I am asking is if it is fair to take him out of school when he really doesn't like the idea at the moment?

Also just as a side note we are trying for another DC and I do have some concerns about teaching with a newborn (if it ever happens )

I'm sure some of the more experienced home-educators will be along with proper advice soon. All I can say is that I sympathise with your dilemma. I've recently taken my youngest out of school after dreadful bullying and it's certainly shocked my world!

We're thinking of putting him into another school in September after working to build his self-confidence. Don't know if it's possible for children to have a term's sabbatical where you could both see how it goes? Maybe the autumn term when they've had a chance to 'de-school' through the holidays.

I don't think a new baby would really have made a difference to us, but you know the sort of mum you like to be. Not enough emphasis is given to how your life changes when you've been used to the 9 to 3 day. It has affected me more than ds!

Good luck whichever way you decide to go. Your ds is lucky that you put so much thought and care in his happiness.

Can't deny the idea of losing the 'me time' that school affords is daunting, but if it is the best thing for him then it is my responsiblilty as a parent to suck it up and give him the best chances in life.
DS is quite reluctant when it comes to change of any sort anyway, so I suppose I should expect him to object to such a major change. I suspect even if he absolutely hated school he would be freaked out by the idea of a change that big.
DH has always been keen on the idea of HE, although I think it originally came from him being very protective and not wanting to 'let go' as it were. I always felt that DS needed to be around other kids, and to be honest didn't really realise you were allowed to keep kids out of school . However now that his ability to cope with learning in school is in question I feel like I have to seriously look at the HE option.
I have to say, the more I look into it the more keen I become!

you could always consider having a really good summer holidays (so you've done the transition into not-school just like everyone else, for the holidays) and, during that time, just have a really good rest and break and see if you can start to get networked with other local HEers and get a feel for how life might be, and then, as september approaches, you can offer going back to school or carry om like this (this being the summer holidays). Then the resistance to change might work in your favour.

he sounds very like my 9 year old (although he is not ASD, and is ok socially) - but in terms of the maths, and drifting away etc.

We started home ed with him at Easter - and so far it is great. I don't think the newborn would be an issue to be honest - you are not going to be doing "teaching" all day every day - fitting it around a baby should be ok.

We are concentrating on numeracy a lot (an hour or so a day, plus dropping it in to lots of other things) and he is coming along in leaps and bounds because we can tailor it to his way of thinking and really concentrate on the things he doesn't get. The sort of thing they just don't have the time and resources to do at school.

Why not try it for a term and then review it - he can always go back to school if that is what seems best.

Before you do - talk to him about what it would be like - lots of time to follow his interests. Being able to time doing things that need concentration to times of day that suit him, and for lengths of time that suit him. My DS misses school a bit but really does prefer not being there.

My ds1 (6) has been HE since Jan this year. He misses his best friend at school but does not miss the school environment at all! I have been shcoked tbh just how much he prefers being at home - I thought he would be bored! - but he adores being with his younger bro (aged 20 months) and his confidence is slowly returning. We make sure he sees his best friend and his cousins and he also goes to karate, beavers and swimming lessons. He has only had the confidence to start swimming and Beavers since being HE.

But BEWARE!!!!! I was only intending to HE til september and now ds1 (and dh and I) have decided to continue for the forseeable future!!! When you see your child flourish and gain confidence every day its hard to think about putting them back into a school environment again IME.

Good luck!

I have been discussing it with him over the last few days and he seems to be warming to the idea a bit.
Interestingly, I have been paying much more attention to the things he talks to us about and I can see how the child led thing could work (having had difficulty picturing it before now). This morning (he is off sick today) he came up to me and started talking about Norse gods which led to a discussion about days of the week and who they were named after. I asked him if he had been learning about Norse gods at school. Apparently he got all the information he has about them from the Marvel Comic characters inspired by them (luckily they seem to have stuck pretty close to the mythology). So just reading his comics has given him a source of info that one wouldn't expect and whats more, enough of an interest to discuss the topic.
He also started a conversation (on the way to the shops yesterday) about King Tut and another about global warming and pollution.
I think I would carry on using the maths workbooks (we already use them to help him keep up with school) but I can imagine doing most other things in a pretty ad hoc way.
I am doing loads of reading but considering the fact that he is too ill for school today but is currently absorbed by on of his horrible histories books shows me that he is still in a stage where he wants to learn, and doesn't need any prodding to do so is encouraging to say the least.

We had DS's school report and parent's evening this week which was interesting. His report was not as bad as last years with only a couple of areas of concern but those areas are big ones. There were comments about the help he is getting...one to one in class aswell as being taken out of the classroom to work on his own due to the distractions in class. I was aware of this but having stuff in writing hits home more I think.
Anyway, I went into parent's evening and asked his teacher how much help she feels is ideally needed. Basically she told me that in an ideal situation he would have help 10 hours a week in order to cover all numeracy and literacy lessons. I hadn't intended to mention the home ed idea but ended up discussing it aswell as the option of pursuing a statement. (I think if he stays in school it would be best to get a statement to ensure the support he needs.) His teacher was pretty understanding although the usual concerns came up about social interaction (to be fair, this is the area DS finds most challenging and learning to interact appropriately is important for him). She certainly didn't try to pursuade me either way, and did offer to find out about a sports group which could be useful. It was useful to have her input without any negativity.
However DH has now decided that he isn't happy I could manage if we manage to have a baby. That sounds like he is horrible but he knows me well and I can be a bit too lazy laid back at times so I understand his reasons. I am a bit though, as he had seemed so positive about it before. I really don't feel school (even with extra support) is the best way to help DS reach his full potential....plus I worry about bullying. This isn't really an issue at the moment but DS's differences are becoming more and more noticable and I would be more surprised if he didn't get bullied than if he did (at some point).
Sorry for the rant....just needed to put my thoughts down somewhere.

how does DS himself feel about it now? I think if you still really feel it's better, it's worth considering.

I don't think having a baby would really spoil HE. you'd have to slow down a bit obviously, but HE doesn't have to be 9-3 mon-fri, so DH could do some of it while you rest. it's probably easier to HE when you have a baby, as you don't have the hassle of getting DS to school on time!

DS has gone right off the idea, apart from the fact that he will be in a class with a boy who he has had issues with. (He has gone back and forth on the issue a couple of times though.) This may be as much down to the teachers telling them about who will be their teachers next year etc over the last few weeks, as anything else. The other day he was talking about going into year five and I said something like "if you are still at school" and he said "The teachers said we will be in school for year five!" so I'm not convinced he actually fully 'gets' what I am talking about anyway.
I still think HE would be better for him though. I think DH still thinks it would be preferable but just doesn't think I would cope. He said he just doesn't think it is realistic, which obviously makes me feel great
I just have this vision of DS struggling and us fighting to get him extra help for years to come

DS will be doing continued maths work thoughout the holidays to prevent him forgetting everything, so I may extend things slightly to include more 'subjects' through fun activities without being obvious about it and then get DH and DS to re-consider in september when I have lots of things to quote.