HE - Where do you start and some other questions

[mama2moo]

So, I am considering HE my 2 dd's. Dd1 is 2yo and dd2 is only 3mo but the thought of sending them to school fills me with dread.

As I have a lot of time to choose what to do I would love to get some info from people who do it.

Questions -

Do you enjoy it?
Is it expensive?
How do you make sure your child still mixes with other children?
How did you convince your dh/dp if they werent too sure?

Any tips etc?

I think for me my reason is quite selfish. I dont want my girls going to a school and being bullied or mixing with the wrong crowd (schools in our area are quite rough). Also, I love being with them and would miss and worry about to the point that I am already in a state about it. But also, I love the idea of them having one on one teaching and that I will play a massive part in their learning.

Thanks.

I have just ordered a book from Amazon about it.

I have decided not to mention it to dp again until I have the read the book and drawn up a list of pros and cons!

The more I think about the more I love the idea but also the more I worry about it.

We would have to buy another car and I would still have to work it the evenings.

Another question - Where do you get your teaching books from if you use them?

If you decided to do it at what age did you start? I suppose I already have in that I teach dd1 colours, numbers etc.

teaching books - i pick up a steady stream of stuff in charity shops, including hardly used or pristine workbooks. If they are of no interest to anyone here, I don't mind, at £1 a pop

What age? the normal toddler lifestyle just continues seamlessly

We don't get books to teach from as we do what they call 'autonomous learning'. We buy books about what they're interested in from bookshops, amazon, charity shops etc. We get the odd workbook when they get all keen on them (at age 3-4 I've found!) from WHSmith or wherever.

And what age? It never started for us - we just carried on what we were doing, being led by the children's interests and needs.

So, what happens when they get older and you need to get them ready for GCSE's? Do you then get work books etc and teach them everything for the exams?

Sorry, I am asking loads of questions. I am so new to all of this and want to know as much as possible before I decide (And I know dp will ask)

I generally buy from amazon, WHSmith or CGP, but mine are very much older and need textbooks for GCSEs etc. We spend a lot of time at the library and order anything from them we want. We also get resources from the local museum who are happy to lend us anything they lend to schools - generally boxes of artefacts with accompanying books, etc.

Having said that, you won't need much of that for a long time to come! Just keep doing what you're doing and it will be a natural progression.

Has DP read any of the threads on here - could you print out what others say about home ed? If he is worried about them being locked away from the world and dependent on you, nothing could be further from the truth! The home ed children I know are some of the most independent children I've met. For example, my two, at 14 and 10, take themselves to ballet 20 miles away, involving multiple trains and buses. My 10 year old could easily and would happily do it alone - and I'd trust her to - except that she looks so small it attracts comment! Not being squashed by school tends to give home educated children a confidence that is hard to describe until you meet it.

We only have one car - we couldn't afford two. But I am lucky because DH is very supportive of us so he cycles to the train station 4 miles away and takes the train to work.

I wouldn't despair of convincing your dp yet, though. You have loads of time on your side. Take it gently, make some HE friends, get him along to some fun stuff and it may not be so hard in the end.

Have a look at my profile pics if you haven't already. I don't put photos up with other children, for obvious reasons, but I think my children look happy and normal and this is what he may need convincing of!

Yes, in answer to your GCSE question, we just bought a recommended textbook and studied it. Recently, we have downloaded past papers from the internet and worked them. It has taken us about a year to do Biology, Geography and Maths. My eldest is in the middle of them right now (took a Biology paper this afternoon) and I am so, so proud of what she has achieved at only 14.

The thing is, I never did Biology at school, but we've done it together. Anything that made no sense to us, we researched on the internet. She was getting pretty high marks on the past papers so fingers crossed!

Scarily, my 10 year old is virtually ready to take a couple but I'm having trouble getting an exam centre to agree to take her. I think they think that because she's 10 she will run around or play up or something! But the exam centre we are using this year has been so impressed with DD1 I am hoping to sway them - and then DD2 will have GCSEs at 11

GCSEs are a long, long way off yet for you. You could just agree to cross that bridge when you come to it, or you could agree to HE until a certain age and then re-assess and, in the meantime, read as much as you can about HEing at secondary level and how exams work when you HE.

I agree with musicposy - take your time. Don't worry about exams yet. I know lots of people who persuaded their DPs by saying that they could HE for one year and reassess at hte end of it - and then keep going like that year on year. Of course with a short time span like a year, DPs are more likely to agree and also more likely to see how wonderfully their children are doing, and come round to the HE lifestyle. It will become normal to them.

I also agree with her about getting him to see that HEd children and families are normal. Meet up with some other HEors and get him reading the same things you are. And ask him to be specific about his concerns so you can work on them together. Draw up pros and cons lists and then work on how to mitigate the cons. Compare your lists to pros and cons of school education.

Oh, and my oldest two are way more independent than I expected them to be at their age, and their manners, confidence and maturity are often commented on. And yet they're still little girls - they're not annoyingly grown up.

I agree with the last two posts.

About exams, when you get to that stage, you'll find out about it. For reassurance, you might like to look (or point DP) at www.home-education-exams.org.uk/. It shows the breadth of what EHE young people do.

Hello. I agree with what everyone here has said so wont add to it, but just to reassure you, my dh - well, entire family - were very anti HE.

Dh is from a very conservative background. HE is not "normal" so its wrong IYSWIM? His parents are also very against anything that goes against the "norm".

My own parents could understand my reasons, but didnt really approve. My dad said "it should be a last resort". Well, for us, after 3 years of my ds1's unhappiness in nursery, reception, year 1 and his 1st term in year2!

They have ALL had to eat their words (becaroo feels rather smug!!! )

Ds1 is now sleeping better, eating better and is so much more confident...I have my happy litte boy back!!!

My dad even commented the other day "ds1 is eating better isnt he?" For my dad to notice, it must be good!! My mother then ASTOUNDED me by saying "I wish I had HE you"!!!!! (I was very unhappy at school for many years)

They have all seen first hand that HE can work and that it is a viable option instead of state or private school.

You are doing the right thing reading up on HE - join some groups and go along to meetings. Good luck!

Really interesting to see this thread... I have two DDs of very similar ages to the OP - 2.5 years and 11 weeks and we're currently weighing up the pros and cons of HE and must say that we're pretty convinced so far! Thanks for the support everybody.

Hi flussymummy, I have ordered a great book from Amazon here. I have only started it but so far its really positive and making me want to do it more.

My family are still against it. They think my daughters wont socialise at all with other children and will be 'weird'??

Im going to go to my local groups (although one has a 30 family waiting list!) and see what I think.

For those of you who do it do you also work? I will have to work part time but can do weekends and evenings.

mama no I'm a SAHM but DH runs his own business so we can be fairly flexible.
But there is nothing stopping you HE at the weekend, there are no rules regarding how much or even what days you need to HE on.

I would say try and build up a good social circle of HE now but also other social activities now before compulsory school age to show them that it doesn't need to change. Also introduce your DH to some HE families and maybe he'll realize were are mostly ordinary families.

I knew we were going to HE before we even conceived so you can never be to organised IMO.

I am an NCT breastfeeding counsellor, so yes, I do work, but I can do helpline work whenever I want as long as I book it in advance and I do antenatal sessions when my mum or DH are around to look after the children.

Do you family really believe they won't socialise, even with all the evidence we've given you that they will? Do they think we're lying or something? Sorry to sound bolshy (again!) but I think some people don't like alternative choices but find it hard to come up with a reason why so just make up a load of crap and come out with a load of cliches that have no basis in fact. I bet if you give them all the evidence in the world that they'll socialise fine, they'll come up with another reason.

And what's wrong with being 'wierd'? One of my primary goals for my children is that they grow up confident to make the choices that are right for them; and don't make choices because of peer or societal pressure. If that means they're wierd, I don't care, so long as they're happy and not hurting anyone.

The other day it occurred to me that, when the next person asks me why we home educate, the simplest answer is that no school in the world would be able to give my children the education or upbringing I want them to have. Simple as that!

I have had lots of people asking me "how do you do it? I couldnt be with my dc all day" which makes me very sad. I really do feel that for some parents school is seen simply as free childcare for 30 weeks of the year

I also had someone WHO IS TRANING TO BE A TEACHING ASSISSTNAT say to me "I couldnt do it, I wouldnt have the patience!!!!!!!

As every week passes I am more convinced I have done the right thing for my ds1. Today he has;
done some exercises on mathwhizz.com
done some exercises on starfall.com
I read to him
We baked some biscuits
He helped me sort out some old toys and now he has gone to his GP where he goes every friday afternoon for a sleepover.

He is happy. I am happy. Do we swan around all day like "The Waltons"? Hell, no! BUT on days when things go wrong or I get stressed dealing with ds2 I know that tomorrow will be better.

x

My family arent very good with change and 'different' things!

I told my friend yesterday that I am thinking of doing it - She said 'what, arent you looking forward to getting rid of them when they go to school?' Um no, actually dreading leaving them with strangers and being told to do things.

My eldest is 2 next week and is so funny, confident and out spoken. I hate to think what going to school might do to her.

Good to here that some of you work as well. I love the fact that its so flexible and that dp can get involved at weekends too (if he agrees!)

The more I think about it more I want to do it.

Well, Dp's parents came over today and were that I mentioned HE. They argued with me about for ages as they think every child should go to school.

FGS everyone is against me.

So, please tell me what your typical day is like when you HE.

Sorry you had such a hard time, mama2moo. It is not unusual. Try to get to know other EHEers and then you'll get support.

There is no typical day across EHEing families... Or even one family across the years...

I EHEed from the start (mine are now 16 and 18). When they were little, like yours, we just did "stuff" - toddler group, painting, baking, craft, reading (me to them, but DD read quite early), shopping, library, playing games. Education takes place in all those areas, for example, you talk about mathematical ideas as you do the other things (how many biscuits have we made? Two for Daddy, two for you, etc.). I child-minded from when my DS was 6 months until he was 5 years, so we had other children around as well (usually only one other at a time).

As they grew up, so did our activities - we kept doing the same things but the DC became more competent and we went to groups aimed at older ages or for specific interests. As teens, they cook meals instead of helping to bake.

We had two six-month periods with an extra girl while my DD did foreign language exchanges. Sometimes, around 7-9 years, my DD followed a timetable. Mostly we just did what we wanted to do (or needed to do). If we signed up for music lessons, then we ensured that we did practice every day. We did not do maths, English or other academic subjects unless we wanted to. We learned everywhere and at any time - memories of doing Russian on a laptop as we took a train from Scotland to London and doing maths at 10:30pm.

The good thing about EHE is that you are free to do what you want when you want. The bad thing is that it can look like "nothing" to other people (and feel like it to you) - there is no point of comparison. For me, I didn't want my DC to compare themselves with other children; I wanted them to be the best that they could be in the things that were important to them and to us as a family. That is scary but also very releasing.

"The good thing about EHE is that you are free to do what you want when you want. The bad thing is that it can look like "nothing" to other people (and feel like it to you) - there is no point of comparison. For me, I didn't want my DC to compare themselves with other children; I wanted them to be the best that they could be in the things that were important to them and to us as a family. That is scary but also very releasing"

Exactly! SDeuchars said it so well I just copied it!!!

I am afraid that there will always be things about your parenting choices (such as your childs education) that cause conflict with other family members. With parents and grandparents its a generational thing, I think. My mum genuinely thought HE was against the law. My PIL are very against anything that goes against the norm (or more the case, anything that they feel makes them look strange to their friends!!!)

My dsis, dbro and dsil were all very supportive, however.

Really hope you find the support you need to do what you feel is best for your dc x

"The good thing about EHE is that you are free to do what you want when you want. The bad thing is that it can look like "nothing" to other people (and feel like it to you) - there is no point of comparison. For me, I didn't want my DC to compare themselves with other children; I wanted them to be the best that they could be in the things that were important to them and to us as a family. That is scary but also very releasing"

Yeah, I'm going to repeat it too!

Typical day at home?

Um...well I get up at 6.30 with DH so I can get the day started by spending some time with him, and make sure I'm showered etc. Girls start waking up one by one and are usually all up by 9am, when we all have breakfast together. In between me getting up and us all having breakfast I do a bit of housework, I chat to whichever girls are up, play a game if one of them wants to.

Then we make sure everyone's dressed after breakfast, just so we're all ready to go whenever we want to go out. And then we all do whatever we fancy - read, watch something on tv, play on the computer or wii or ds, play board games, play make believe games, chat, play dice games or card games, do workbooks, bake cakes or bread, do some activity I or one of the older ones has found online or in a book - something sciency, or naturey, or crafty, play outside in the backgarden, or on scooters in the front.

Then we have lunch, then more of the same in the afternoon. We often end up popping to the shop at some point, where DD1 and DD2 go ahead and buy the stuff and I meet them outside when I get there with the little two. Or a park trip. We often have picnics in the summer.

Then we have days in the week when we have set things on, like home ed group and french club. We go to my parents once a week where my mum usually has an activity or two prepared to do with them if they're interested, and where they play with a whole load of different toys.

Other days we visit places - museums, castles, wherever the girls say they want to visit and where we can afford to go that week/month. Sometimes we go swimming, but we have to do that on DH's day off because of the ratios.

Then DH gets home at 6.45, we all eat supper, then he takes them to bed, and he's down by 9-9.30pm; after reading to them, playing and chatting with them, playing chess with DD1.

Education never stops when you HE. Most of our biggest conversations take place in the car, so I don't mind the long car journeys as it gives the children some nice time to let their minds wander.

oops! Never did tell you about our days did I???

Well, my 2 dc are always up early (sadly) so by 6.30 the whole house is up.

I watch 15 mins or so of news and weather on bbc and then ds1 watches his animal dvds til breakfast. We ahve breakfast. Then we all get dressed/showered/bathed whatever.

On a Tuesday and a Friday ds1 goes up to my PIL at 9am so I can spend some 1-1 time with ds1. Ds2 then joins him after lunch so I can use those days to clean and iron etc etc
My dc dont ususally go to bed til 8.45-9pm so once they are asleep what hasnt been done gets left til the next day!!

Mon, weds and thurs we decide what we are doing that day...normally we go to my mums house at some point. Ds1 has a swimming lesson on monday pm. We sometimes meet up with the other babies from the baby massage group I went to when ds2 was a baby. Ds1 is also a member of a monthly wildlife watch group. We go to the park, bake, go to the shops etc.

Ds2 uses mathswhizz.com for numeracy and starfall.com for literacy and workbooks for science. Any other topic he wants to cover we make into lapbooks which he enjoys.

I read to him (and ds2) a lot.

Thats it, really.

I agree with mrswobble ds1 and I have some really in depth discussions in the car for some reason!

Thanks all. I think they are more worried about the social side of it.

Everyone I have mentioned it to has been against it. But, its making me more determinded to do it!

I just so love the idea of spending all of my time with them and helping them learn

I guess they are against it from a point of ignorance? Has anyone given you a good reason not to do it?

Socially (usual chestnut...) is not a problem. My DC have been involved in groups with other children throughout: music, swimming, trampolining, football, Girls' Brigade, church youth group, St John Ambulance, drama, gymnastics. That list doesn't include regular meetings with other EHEers. From about 8yo, they were both out in groups without me too close at least three times a week. We also went to camps, both on our own (thus DC having to make friends on the spot) and in a group.

My DD (18) has not been a particularly sociable person. She helps out at a toddler group weekly and is involved at national level in a church organisation. Four young people from around the country came to join us for her baptism last week and she is planning to go to university in October.

If a yp is sociable, EHE does not need to hinder them. If they are not sociable, EHE allows them to control the situations they go into. They can choose how much interaction they have and how long it lasts - if they are in school, they cannot control it and can be stressed.