I'm sure it's been asked a million times but..

[bubbleymummy]

Please Tell Me Why You HE

I'm beginning to question my reasons tbh and I just want to see if I can relate to any of yours...

TIA

How long have you got?

I always am scared of being flamed when I write posts like these, but here goes...

I think school can be damaging and I don't want to risk my children being one of the ones who is damaged by it.

I think that if school isn't damaging, then at least, with parents like myself and DH, it'll be a waste of my children's time.

I think children learn best through an autonomous education and that is impossible in school.

I have a moral objection to coercing children and feel that I can't maintain that stance if I forced them into school.

I like having them at home - I enjoy their company, and I enjoy sharing this very short part of their live with them more than I would be able to were they in school.

I don't want them to be institutionalised, or moulded to fit a system.

I don't want them to feel unsafe until they are mature enough to cope with unsafe-feeling situations.

I want them to be able to follow their interests for as long or as little as they want to.

I want them to be able to paint when they want; read when they want; study algebra when they want; stare at the ceiling when they want.

I think we can't possibly know what children really learn from the things they experience in life - I think what we see is just the tip of the iceberg. I have been impressed at how good my babies, and then toddlers, and then children have been at self-regulating their sleep, food, daily patterns and I don't see why that ability should change when it comes to learning how to be functional adults in their society.

I bet more reasons will come to me later on! What are your reasons then?

Wow! I actually agree with so much that you wrote MWTW!

The only thing I'm not 100% about is whether DS would be forced into school because he may actually enjoy it (that's the bit I think I'm wavering on) but if it was just the playing/interacting with other children that he would enjoy then I think that this is possible in other situations.

I really do agree with the idea of him being able to do what he wants when he wants because he currently seems to be moving a bit faster in some areas than other children his age and I don't want him to be restricted in his learning or have his curiosity curbed.

I also feel that he is very young (4) to be away from the security of home and family for such a large proportion of the week.

Gosh - I hope you don't get flamed because I can actually relate to a lot of what you have written!

Your DS is very young, IMO, to go to school.

I think that there are a few benefits to school but, IMO, the pay off is too big. I don't think a 4yo is old enough to make an informed decision about going to school - everything they read/see about it makes it out to be 100% fun. They don't really understand the implications of having to go every single day even if they don't want to; or the concept of bullying; or what it's actually like to feel stupid because you don't know the answers or bored because you knew them years ago.

I will let mine choose school if they want when I think they're old enough to make that decision. I hope they don't choose it, or if they do, that they just try it out for a term or a year, and then go back to home ed. At the moment, only DD1 is just about ready for school at nearly 7 IMO, but she is adamant she doesn't want to go.

Yes to what Wobble said.
And, it sometimes helps me if I remind myself that it is a parent's duty to educate their child and they can delegate that by sending them to school if they choose. I think that I'd have to be convinced that school was able to do something better than HE though. I can't really think of anything significant that school would do better at the moment for us and I'm sure it would do quite a few things a lot worse.
I was worried about socialising, but everyone told me the only problem would be how to fit it all in, and that's been true. I can see how much my sons have benefitted from being able to mix with other children of different ages, not just their exact peers.
We go on so many more trips than most children in school do and I love them being able to learn by going out and seeing and exploring. I also love having more time just to pootle.
I think you are absolutely right to think that 4 is very young to be away from you for such a long time. The more I read about attachment theory the more convinced I am about this. Have you joined the yahoo Early Years home ed group? There are often some good conversations about this on there.
I found it incredibly difficult making the decision to home educate and constantly questioned my motives. It was harder as my partner was fairly sure I'd lost my mind even thinking about it. 18 months on though, he is pretty much converted and my 6 1/2 year old is so proud and happy to be home educated. I have to say that home educating has been easy really and has seemed very natural but taking the first step and making that decision to do it was horrible.

essentially because I want my dcs (6) to have fun and learn. Not be angsting about what table they're on, or their SATs (really- Y2- it happens )

I fully intend to pop mine back into school when they're big enough/ready, though...DD reckons she wants to go when she's 8!

I've just checked out your other thread and seen you've got a 1 yo as well, so thought it worth adding that I hadn't anticipated that home edding would be so beneficial to my 2 and 3 yos as well. They've been so much more stimulated joining in home ed groups than they would have been at toddler groups. They've loved having attention from the older ones, as well as getting the chance to play with other home ed siblings their age. It's been great that they spend extra time together, but there's also quite a lot of opportunity to have time apart, as they all go off and play with their own friends at groups. Also, like you, I felt that I wasn't going to get time to myself anyway, I'd just be doing the round of toddler groups and I find home ed groups more stimulating as well.
I always felt a bit peeved that just when your child starts to be into really interesting stuff you're meant to send it to school and let someone else do it with them.

I got to know some families who were doing it. Really liked what I saw so started researching- read and read and read. The more I read, the more I thought omg, can it really be like this? Talked it over with dh who said we could try it. There wasn't a reason to start with, but each day I'm finding new ones

The main ones at the moment are to do with loving the freedom- not having to do the nursey/school run has made having my 3rd dc a lot easier. Plus it's fantastic not having to worry about school places. I love reading with them and can't wait to learn everything again along with them. I love that I get to see nearly every moment of the dc's discoveries and accomplishments. I love that we can make the most of the weather, whenever, and go to places when they're quiet/cheap.

Thank you so much for you responses. I'm going to show DH this thread so keep them coming please!

OMG! Forgot about SATs! That is one hell of a good reason not to send your children to school IMO.

Did you see that programme about children and maths on C4? They all hated maths, and were seriously, seriously behind by the time their last year in primary came around. They got a really good teacher in, got them all excited about maths again, and learning well, and then it all had to stop for 11 weeks to prepare for the SATs and their abilities all went backwards and they started hating maths again. What a waste! It made me so angry! How can they waste nearly 1/3 of a school year preparing for crappy tests that don't help the children at all - they're purely for the school's benefit. And, not only do they not benefit the children but, IMO, they harm them - they stress them out, they make them hate learning, they stop them learning efficiently because they just learning what's on the syllabus for that test, not what really inspires them. What a load of crap!

So.....in essence.....there is no way one of my children would go to school until they scrap SATs or until they're too old to have to do them.

Our reasons are so many and have changed so much over time that it is hard to articulate them.

1. We object strongly to the idea of a 'national curriculum'. All children are interested in different things and learn at different rates. Yes there are some skills everyone needs but apart from the basics I want my children's education to be shaped by them and the people that care about them rather than at the mercy of political point scoring.

2. I trained as a teacher and while there are some very good teachers (I have quite a few teacher friends) who do a good job and are able to some extent to soften the restrictions of the NC, there are also some VERY bad ones who I would not let look after a slug never mind my child. The atmosphere in some staff rooms I have been in is toxic. And unfortunately you can not pick and choose the teachers personally.

3. The best teacher in the world can not split themselves 30+ ways. I have 2 and balancing their needs is difficult enough. Formal education was set up to provide workforces for the factories of the industrial revolution and provide child care for the factory workers. We don't have this sort of mass employment anymore and schools aren't good places to develop individuality.

4. The nature of formal education means that you have to master one skill before you can fully expand more. DS1 has always written long stories, before he could write well enough he dictated or typed but he couldn't have done that without an individual to work with him. My youngest can't read yet but is progressing well with maths and other stuff because someone (often older brother) can read instructions in his workbooks for him.

5. Family life. My kids get on really well (most of the time!)and we get to spend time together when they are not tired and grumpy. Dh works lexible hours and someimes goes in late because he has been sitting in bed chatting/reading with the kids until he has missed his normal bus. We have no family nearby but because kids are not in school is easier to go away/have them visit without being constrained to school holidays. FiL broke leg last year we were able to stay for a month to help.

6)Flexibility. In winter we tend to be fairly structured, in summer almost entirely autonomous. DS1 has discovered tennis and every free moment we are at the local courts practising. Who knows he may get good and take it up as a hobby longterm or interest may burn out in a few weeks but we have the time to let him follow that interest. We can go away/ out for the day when things are quiet.

7. Practicality - kids get ill (we have had chicken pox and one bug after another this winter) but it is no where near as disruptive. No guilt in the morning if you send them and they aren't right or about them missing something. If they/or me aren't right we often end up in bed with books talking/discussing/educating!

8. Socialisation - the one that is usually tripped out as a mark against HE. However, school is an appalling place to socialise. No where else do you spend all day with the same 30 people born in a certain constricted time frame with no choice if you do not get on with those people (if you hated the people you worked with you almost always have the option to look for a new job). Also how much of the school day is spent 'socialising'? Breaks and some group work, the rest of the time you are being told to get on with your work. And you just have to read the stories of bullying and peer pressure to realise not all peer interaction is healthy.
   My kids have many friends, maybe not as many as if they were at school but I feel the relationships have more quality as there is more choice and effort in maintaining them involved so they are 'real friends' if that makes sense rather than who is most convenient. They come from diverse background/ages/both sexes. They have better relationships with adults as they are out being part of society rather than shut off in 'false environment'.
   Also while we do structured activities with groups (music lessons etc) on the whole when they see their friends it is to socialise.

9. Educational theory. DS1 was reading fluently at 4, and is working 3 years ahead of age in maths course... would have been put on gifted scheme in school I suspect. However kids learning doesn't follow a smooth curve but like growth occurs in fits and starts (observation seems to go when he is going through a physical growth spurt he seems to 'learn' less and vice versa) and I didn't feel labelling at 4 was helpful.
   I don't want them constrained by being taught things by a certain system. I was reading another thread where people we debating different approaches to teaching maths. All kids learn in different ways what works for one won't for another and the beauty of home ed is not only do you get a better understanding of your child as you are working much more closely with them than a teacher would be so have a better idea of what will work/interest them, but if something doesn't work you can always try something else or just come back to it at a different time.

10. Protectiveness - 4 is too young imo.
    DS2 would be due to start in Sep and no way is he ready. Separating from me is not an issue, he does the KS1 workshops at home ed trips etc perfectly confidently. However he is tired at the end of the day and school would be too long and now when he does do stuff away from me it is entirely his choice. I could not walk away from a crying child.

11. Selfishness - Don't get me wrong there are days when they are fighting/seem deliberately obtuse/I am depressed by the permanent mess around the house and I wonder why I chose this but they are thin and far between. I get to share so much with my kids. Spending an afternoon playing hotcross buns on boomwhackers, learning to clog dance in a tudor workshop, simply seeing my kids enjoying being children!

That said when they are of an age they can make a considered decision if they want to go to school I would not dream of standing in their way.

Sorry for the essay. First post turned into a very long one.

I will echo loving the freedom.

No having to cut visits to friends on a Sunday short so ds can get home to bed for school the next day, the freedom to decide to go out spontaneously if it's a nice day, not having to stick to school holidays.

We fell into HE as a last resort. Ds went to preschool and hated it, he then went to reception and it was a disaster. We tried three different schools, it turned him into a monster. He was normal and lovely at home, but at pre school and them school he the teachers would tell us about awful behaviour (swearing, kicking, bullying) and it was like they were talking about another child. He was so unhappy and that's the way it showed itself. The schools all said they wouldn't help us until we admitted he was a problem at home too - the trouble is, at home he was as good natured and even tempered as always, no bad behaviour at all. It was only when a friend sat me down and told me that school wasn't for everyone and asked me if I had thought about home education that I seriously looked into HE.

Two years down the line I have a thriving seven year old and not one behaviour problem since the last day he was at school. He attends loads of classes and clubs, all I get told from those teachers is what a polite and lovely boy he is. So different to what I used to hear when he was at school!

Oh and like Mrswobble, I enjoy ds company. I love the opportunity I have to spend his childhood with him, and I am proud of the fact that everything he knows, Reading, writing etc, I (and his father) have taught him, which is how I feel, for me anyway, it should be.