total believer having a wobble....please help?

[dandycandyjellybean]

My ds is 4.6, and I plan to continue his autonomous education at home. At the moment he is in nursery 5 mornings a week. The nursery is totally play based and has brilliant outdoor facilities. I felt that, as he is an 'only', he would benefit from the opportunity to play in larger groups - learn to take turns / share etc.

We have a busy social life, dh at home too, as he is disabled, so we have folks in and out all day visiting or we are out and about; he is very good at socialising and interacting with any age group.

My 2 areas of wobble are:

1. That he is going to miss out on 'playground' type play every day, and that I am depriving him somehow of the opportunity to play with friends every single day instead of maybe 3 or 4 times a week.

1. I take medication for depression and generally manage pretty well. However, after a very long winter where my dh was in bed or incapacitated a lot, and I was looking after him and sole 'parent' to ds a great deal, I am exhausted and having a 'blip'. I know it won't last long (a few weeks at most) at that I have to just sit it out, but I have totally lost my 'joy' in anything; it takes all my 'run time' to try and be jolly and interact with ds, and I worry that, if I don't get a small amount of regular 'guaranteed' time to myself every week once we are home edding full time, I will not cope.

I do have family who will help, but it is very 'ad hoc' help and sometimes not available for weeks at a time. It is important for my mental well being to know in advance that I have that time, i.e. I feel awful but I can hold on and put on a brave face, because I know that tomorrow afternoon I can go to bed/read a book/go to the gym etc.

Can anyone reassure me, or make any suggetions? I was even thinking of paying a couple of friends to have him just for an hour every week, but then I don't know if that is allowed anymore.

...anyone?

why not send him to school or look into flexi schooling? youa re not painting a v. positive picture tbh.

Technically you can't 'pay' friends to have him as childcare. However, you could pay them to teach him x - x being whatever you want it to be - Latin, geography, cooking or tree-climbing . Whether they declare this extra income on their tax form is up to them!! But that's not your problem. A tutor 'should' be CRB-checked but it's not illegal and that decision is yours, not the government's!!

It's a worry that you're having a blip while you still have 5 mornings a week to yourself, tbh. Can you really meet all your son's social emotional and educational needs when you no longer have that?

Clicked send before I meant to! I have days when I want to stick my fingers in my ears and sing "Lalalala!" but it doesn't make me a bad home edder - just that sometimes I need a break. I find even doing the supermarket shop on my own gives me a break, although I do prefer a sit down in a café with a large latte and either a friend or a newspaper!

Home ed groups can be great too - you get a chance to chat to adults and your child can run around like a lunatic with friends. So that is a break of sorts too.

And sometimes I just come on the computer and check out forums for a while, while the DCs make lunch!! (To be fair, mine are older than 4!)

Playground play for DS1 involved being hit and picked on. I decided that that was something he would be better without.

Why not use an after-school club to provide the "me" time for you? that would be very like the function that nursery currently plays for you, but later in the day, obviously.

You could also consider using holiday clubs in the school holidays.

I completely understand that although school=childcare might seem like an obvious solution from the outside, it may well be incompatible with your educational philosophy. Mental illness does not equal incapable of home education. It just means that you need to get your personal support systems very well established, and on a professional rather than "favours" footing as far as possible.

Oh,and if you don't already, learn to meditate (I like Eight Minute Meditation - about as cheesy as it is possible to be and not get eaten with biscuits) and read Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth. Tis very good for getting perspective

Thank you tinuviel and ommmward, especially for the school=childcare comment, and the general reassurance / suggestions.

To the less positive, the blip has only been going on a few days, and as I said I know I can just sit it out and it will pass. I don't see how it is different to someone having a bad cold or another illness a few times a year that makes it difficult for them to carry on as normal. It's more that I know it will probably happen more often if I don't try and provide in advance for me to have a couple of regular breaks; will look into home ed groups, and after school clubs never occurred to me and may well be the answer.

And thanks for the meditations suggestions, will also look into that.

fwiw- I remember phoning the person who ran our nursery waiting list and begging them (in tears ) to take my dcs (at 3.5)

now I HE them, without any sort of 'break'- at 6 yo- and I find we spend most of our time skipping through daisies

...it does get much, much easier the older they get, I find, and you may well find the same?

1. the playground is not all fun - he will also be missing out on potential bullying time, feeling left out, peer pressure......

1. I was just about to say what Ommmmward said about the books and meditation. She sent them to me when I was very depressed last year, and discovering I'd suffered from depression my whole life. I can't tell you how different my life is since I totally embraced Tolle's writing and my daily meditation time.

I also agree with Citizen - it does get easier. I have four children and the winter was very hard with two toddlers (2.5-3y and 12-18m) but now the nice weather is hear and the oldest toddler is now not a toddler my life as a mum is easier than it's ever been. The nearly-7yo and the 5yo are totally sensible and helpful and the 3yo is as much as she can be. The 19m old can walk a lot now, and is very keen to be like her sisters. I know you only have one, but I'm just trying to explain that as your DS gets older, your life will get (on a practical level) infinitely easier.

Go to home ed groups and arrange to meet up outside of them with the families you meet there - at eachothers houses etc., so you can build up a nice network of HE friends for you and your DS and you may well end up finding that he goes to friends' houses to play some days, while you have his friends over other days. And going and drinking tea at a friend's house, while the children entertain themselves because they're with their friends, constitutes very lovely me-time for myself I find!

Have a look at Whimsy Way blog, about HEing an only. Classical-ish rather than autonomous, but might give you an idea of what it's like. Good luck

Thank you so much for all your positive messages. Fwiw, I feel much much better today as my mate took me for a spa day!!!! But also because the idea that with the suggestions you made I would be able to put some 'safety valve' time in place which really, really helps me feel that I will cope. It is more the anticipation than the reality, I'm sure.

The last time I was feeling like this, in the depths of winter when things had been very hard, I remember worrying one night that I would never cope. The very next day ds spent all day with dh, playing lego on his bed with him, or in bed with him playing some computer star wars lego game and I honestly feel that 'someone' was giving me an insight into how it would be when he gets that bit older, and can be more involved in things that dh does, go more places with him etc. It definitely helped me get perspective again.

Thank you all so much for being so positive, helpful and practical, and not just saying...if you're depressed you better put him into school, which I am so convinced isn't the best thing for him. Many, many thanks, you have made me feel so much better.

I hadn't even thought of after school club!