Advice please, I need your experience home edders...

[CirrhosisByTheSea]

I have a severely dyslexic son of 7 - in school at present. However as he gets older his difficulties are becoming more troublesome to him and it's a constant battle to get the school to do anything.

DS had a real upset episode today where he got so frustrated about his lack of ability in many areas. It brought home to me that even days and days in to the easter holiday, bubbling very close under DS' happy exterior is this awful upset for him about his skills compared to others....

We are seriously considering HE as a future option if school don't help alot more very quickly...but what I'm wondering is, would this help as much as I have thought it might? If ds isn't at school he still won't be able to catch a ball like a grown up (this is what set him off today!) etc etc etc

My nightmare scenario is pulling him out of school, thus school becoming just another 'thing' he couldn't do....and still his lack of ability bringing him down somehow

Sorry for this ramble, just wondered about other people's experiences if you have pulled a child out of school for similar reasons.

TIA for any thoughts.

Not yet HE. But have old family friends who pulled their DS out of school at the age of 9, he was seriously Dyspraxic, they felt not being surrounded by other child who could do many things he couldn't all day actually helped as he didn't have to 'see' his failure everyday but also made him much more focused on what he could do.

'more focused on what he could do'

thanks diary - that is my hope for ds...but what threw me today was that we were just playing happily together having had an idyllic morning together at the park, etc. And this terrible upset came out because he couldn't catch a ball....

I suppose the level of upset is there now because school has built this feeling up in him.

I guess I'm finding it so hard to take that leap of faith to think that it IS school engendering this state of mind and not just how he would be anyway.

thanks for your reply. This is certainly the hardest we have had it with ds

I can see how difficult it must make the HE decision I have a lot of respect for anyone in your situation, it sounds like your family is dealing with a lot yet your still here battling to make sure your DS receives the best education he deserves and is capable of and not just given up.

Before school was his condition known? I would go back and think how he viewed himself before he began school. Certainly the mum I knew felt that school was certainly encouraged her DS to feel like he was failing, although originally she took him out because he just wasn't getting the attention he need. At 9 he still couldn't read or write, his improvement wasn't noticeable straight away more a slow build up.

Whilst this is antidotal my mum is servely dyslexic but she has managed to have a happy and productive life but better still she is a loving wonderful woman everyone who has ever known her loves her for her kind gentle nature.

thanks so much for your kind post, diary

No, before school ds' condition wasn't known; he strenuously avoided anything that involved writing, letters or numbers though!

I think what today has done for me is crystallise in my mind, the fact that this IS a 'leap of faith' decision - we can't know if it's the right thing or not before we do it, not for certain.

Will keep on thinking and thinking

I guess JulieNoShoes will be along soon, but I thought I'd remind you of this thread on 27 March: HE for a dyslexic 7 year old....working parents.....any advice?.

You say "I suppose the level of upset is there now because school has built this feeling up in him." You can't have any advance guarantee that EHE will sort it for your DS - but there are thousands of us out here who can say that it did for us (on a variety of issues - mine was DD with AS, not diagnosed because never in school but seriously challenging behaviour).

What will EHE do for you? DS will feel less incapable - but behaviour may get worse for a bit while he comes to terms with the feelings (and you are likely to learn more about his school experience that will make you feel awful and wish you had taken the plunge earlier).

You can (and probably should) ignore reading, writing and any other school-type activities for AT LEAST six months. Do things he is interested in. If something needs reading, just do it for him, without asking him to sound it out. If he reads something, accept it as normal rather than a miracle. Almost ALL children learn to read eventually - some are just much older than others when they do. In the meantime, your job is to ensure that he gets an education despite not reading. That will not happen in school, which is so dependent on the written word. For example, if he likes cooking, together you could learn to cook something you would not normally do. He could learn to do it more or less by himself and could have the responsibility as he gets older to put a meal on the table - that would raise his self-esteem and give him an adult ability without the reading/writing thing.

SD, believe me I don't need reminding of that thread, I am re reading stuff every day, but thanks for the thought. It's all a huge decision and my posts are I think helping me to crystallise my thoughts and are actually a big part of my thinking/decision making process.

Thanks for your input - I know DS would be SO happy without having to do reading and writing daily

I'm sure I'll be on here for more advice as time goes on. I think we're getting nearer to a decision but of course it's such a huge step.

can i just say: there is a pretty severely dyspraxic child HEed, older than my lot, who comes to play every couple of weeks. It's great for my children - a kindly, older, more competent human being to hang out with. And it's great for the visitor, to be in a space where actually they are the expert, and their interests and skills are being valued.

That's a potential large benefit for you, the availability of such cross-age interactions as the norm among HEers. If you live near us, you can come and play any time

Have you joined the HE-special mailing list yet?

thanks ommm! Yes, I've joined the HE special list and am kind of lurking, and reading, and just familiarising myself with the community that is out there. And yes, one of the reasons I lean toward HE is that DS could have a wider set of ages to interact with. I'm in Hampshire btw.

It's all seeming an impossible decision at the mo - while DS has been on holiday I have had a chance to try out being with him while also working from home....suffice it to say, if ever we do home ed, he is going to need some ground rules....not used to sharing my attention with work! It's also shown me that I would need to ensure work were on board with me working at odd hours. And also has shown me how utterly wrecked I would be trying to work and HE

I've worked from home throughout the time I've been EHEing. It will get easier as you settle into it. Also, DS is not used to having your attention so much (as he is normally in school). Again, if you are together all the time he will not ned to ensure that he gets every minute he can.

Saying that, I worked 6-9am and 9-midnight for many years and I am mostly exhausted. However, with one on her way to uni 120 miles away and the other soon to be 16, I'm hoping to achieve a more balanced life... (but I could jkust be fooling myself).