HE for a dyslexic 7 year old....working parents.....any advice?

[CirrhosisByTheSea]

Wondering if any of you who may have been in a similar position could help....DS is severely dyslexic and this is the main reason we are thinking of HEing. We face a huge fight to get him any useful help at school, in the meantime his self esteem ebbs away more each and every day...

I really want to consider HE

but could there be any way of making it work? DH works full time (no real flexibility) and I work as well; two days at home and two days in office. The home working days, I can work flexibly with maybe just two hours needed during the day, the rest could be done in the evening. So I would have 5 days at home with DS but only 3 of those days would I be able to give him my full undivided attention all day long....

any thoughts? I am probably being ridiculous.

There is nothing to say you have to educate 5 days a week or even what days you should educate on.
Is it possible that other family members like Grandparents could have him a day or two a week?
Or maybe a childminder? That would help him keep contact with other children plus in the afternoon when she may have no other children or sleeping toddlers she may be willing to supervise/help with some work that you set him.

Have you looked into local HE families maybe there is someone in the same situation that is willing for you both to enter into a shared care type of arrangement?

DS1 7 is modertaely dyslexic, I am thinking about weekly lesseons from Sept 2010, £35.00 a week at the local Dyslexia Centre. We can't really afford it at present, am looking for work, DH redundant last year and nearly has a job, fingers crossed! Plus family have said they would help.

I want to get him fully assessed (£500) and the go from there. Is this an option for you? Maybe this with extra help from you both at home would be a good idea?

My DS needs help but I would not want him to miss out on the other aspects of school that he really enjoys, friends, footy, science, music, things he is good at and loves?

I think DS would hate me if I took him out and I do not have the patience to teach him, plus had DS2 3.

thanks diaryofanobody - the two days a week I'm in the office, I know my mum and MIL would help, I'm very lucky there. My mum is an ex teacher as well! It was more the fact that I felt I couldn't HE 5 days a week so that is very interesting what you're saying about HE not even having to be set hours or days. That's fantastic actually! Perhaps as time went on I could find other local HE people to do the shared care idea - lighten the load on family, and get DS some guaranteed other children's company etc.....

caro, I think I would feel the same in your situation; but my ds has severe dyslexia along with hypermobility which means that, in a nutshell, the poor boy can't read, or write, or draw, or manipulate scissors, or do PE, on ANY level of equality with his peers. We wouldn't be considering HE at all if he loved school. Unsurprisingly, he hates school. And I can see that at the moment it is doing him no good at all.

All the things I USED to think of HE (lack of socialisation, too strong parental presence and influence) are actually now seeming positives for DS. His socialisation needs to be out of school for it to be positive (because he is so behind his peers). He needs it to be richer, different socialisation, with other age groups not just his peers. And he needs that day to day damaging peer-interaction out of his life! And at the moment, far far better for him that he has strong parental influence if it means he is not being undermined every day by his lack of ability in every area of school.

that's my thinking currently, anyway. For us HE wouldn't be in the picture unless school was actively seeming bad for DS. But the more I find out about it, the more positive a choice it seems and the more my previous prejudices are just falling away.

Have DS2 aged 3!

Thats exactly what I like about HE that a child has many more opportunities to socialize with children of all ages and not just those born within 12 months of them and whom live within a 2 mile radius of the school. It's so unnatural IMO in normal society we don't live within such narrow margins.

Totally totally go for it! Your family set up sounds ideal.

After a recovery period where you go very gently with him, I'd maybe think about your mother and MIL each being given something to feel is really their thing with him on the days they look after him. One of them might get a national trust ticket and do lots of stately 'omes, or one of them might be able to take him along to a HE group/class every week. Or one of them might say "let's make Thursday be Spanish day" and do everything in Spanish with him Or cooking or country walks or...

I'm saying: to have the resource of the grannies is fabulous - I am so jealous! - so get them completely onside. HE needn't look at all like school at home, so help them to feel ownership of doing some really fun stuff with their grandson through which he will gain skills and confidence.

thankyou again diaryofanobody

and thank you so much ommmward, it is so amazing to have these words of encouragement for something I thought was probably just a pipe dream....yes I agree I am very lucky with the grannies. They love him to bits. My only worry is that my mum particularly has already helped us SO much that I am loathe to ask for more. And they are not getting any younger! But as diaryofanobody says, I can look towards making arrangements with other families in the future. And it's not forever, of course.

thank you SO much for your help guys. I am going to start making some notes of how this could work

I took my three children out of school nine years ago.
All three are dyslexic. The youngest severely so and she had dyspraxia and ADDH.
She couldn't read or spell even her own name. Couldn't do any of the things you mention.

We used Grandma to help with all sorts of things-she did loads of crafty things with them.

We are autonomous home educators, we followed their own interests and things happened in their own time.
HE took place where ever the children were (and who ever they were with. DD2 used DVDs/TV programmes/Calibre listening books.

I worked odd hours to enable me to attend as many HE meetings/sessions/workshops as the children were interested in. We also went to camps and gatherings and they went to 'after school' activities.
I have said it over and over here, our children had a social life that was the envy of their schooled peers and cousins.

Youngest Dd didn't actaully learn to read until she was 13. By 15 she had started an OU starter course, she 'achieved all of the outcomes' by the time she was 16 and used OU qualifications to get herself into FE college.
There she has some help from a scribe for some lessons, and uses the PC a lot.
We are in the process of considering universities for next year now.
Not something that would have been possible if she had stayed in school-I know what has happened to the other children who she was in school with, whose difficulties were not as profound as my Dd2s.

The Home Education-Special Needs Website has links to an email support group which is IMO iunvaulable for families considering HE where the child has SEN.

carocaro: Have DS2 aged 3!

That does not have to be a drawback. In fact, many EHErs see it as an advantage that siblings do not have their bond broken by being at school.

Once a family is settled into EHE, small age differences (mine are 2.3 years apart) do not matter. If there is a bigger gap, particularly if the older child has been withdrawn because of difficulties, it can be very helpful to the child's self-esteem to be more able than another (although I would not want them to concentrate on comparing themself).

hi julienoshoes - thank you so much for that. I will have a look at that website, it looks exactly the sort of thing we need.

Thank you as well for the info re your daughter - it really is what you need to hear, the outcomes that can be possible for children with needs like DS. It's quite hard I imagine to have faith and allow things to come in their own time; it's so against the grain of society - particularly in this country it seems it's all about bringing children along and getting them ready for the next thing etc. There is a huge amount to be said, I'm sure, for waiting for the child to be ready.

thanks again.