Home Education - do I have to have the permission of ex?

[poppijane]

I have a son who has school refusal, he isn't difficult when at home and is willing and keen to learn in the home environment so I would like to home educate him. However my ex husband is against this. Do I legally have to have the agreement of my ex husband or can I take the decision myself? We have joint custody but the children live with me and visit their father one night a week. Any advice appreciated as the ewo is threatening legal action if ds doesn't start attending school full time soon.

Can you not get his permission and agreement? I think that would be better if at all possible. Parental decisions are usually a joint responsibility, so I guess if he was really anti he could contest it.

I'm not 100% sure of the legal stuff but I think it would be better to get him on side if you have any way of doing so.

I thought that might be the case, was just wondering if there was any way around it. I will try and meet with him again and discuss it. Ta!

I'd write/email him saying something like this:

"Hello poppijane'sEX

These are the problems we are having with DS and school. DESCRIBE ALL

This is what we/I have already done to try and solve the problems. DESCRIBE and talk about what contact you have had with the EWO and anything they've suggested saying what happened when you tried it or why you don't believe it will work.

This is what I would like to try (home ed). However if you(ex) have any other solutions I am happy to try them first. You(ex) MUST meet with the EWO and poppijane altogether to make sure the LA know you are taking action and not just allowing DS to truant.

If ex doesn't have any alternative suggestions or if we try them for x period of time and they aren't helping you will withdraw your DS.

Explain what it involves; we will write to the school and they are responsible for telling the LA. The LA will probably get in touch and you will write back to them telling them you will be taking x weeks/months to settle down and then you will write to them about your educational provision. So you an ex should discuss what you each think are the most important things and how you want to handle home ed. How you'll make sure DS socialises and gets to experience new things. Maybe link to some of the research you've done.

What does ex think are the key things he wants DS to get from education? And what role will ex play? (cheat a bit and spell out the benefits to ex, if there are any, as well as DS - contact wont be determined by school times/holidays. Can ex share his interests with DS more?) What is he concerned about and how can you both make sure that isn't a problem?

Maybe suggest he joins this list for dads and speaks to them about any concerns. Its small and quiet - but I'm sure he'll get an answer if he posts a message.

I know that we both want the best for our lovely DS and hope we can work together on this
poppijane"

I'd think that if you give your ex every chance to be involved in the process (of trying to keep DS in school or making the choice to withdraw him) then he wont have much of a leg to stand on if he did contest it. Keep a record of all this too, so you can show you did involve him and either
tried everything ex wanted to keep DS in school
or ex didn't support you in keeping DS in school and so you had to make this decision against his wishes.

Nothing helpful to add but, can I just say, I think Anastasia is a genius.

That is all.

Anastasia thats excellent, thankyou all for taking the time to reply

I agree - Anastasia your post is very helpful
I am so lucky in that my ex is supportive of HE.
However although he is supportive he isnt actually helpful. Tis I who has to do everything!

Poppijane, well done for making the decision to HE rather than your ds continuing to be unhappy at school. My ds was unhappy for ages so I know how you feel!

I hope your X comes round to the idea and that your ds flourishes in the weeks to come

If you have to have the permission of both parents to make a decision, then doesn't the ex need the OP's permission to continue sending him to school? Surely it works both ways?

Couldn't you say, OP, that you'll HE him on the days you have him, and your ex can do what he likes on the days he has him....which of course won't be school days so he won't send him; and even if they are school days, it's unlikely he'll find a school to take him for the odd day!

I think it probably actually does work both ways, but that means that, if you couldn't come to an agreement, a court would decide. Given the way the govt and local authorities are, I'd be willing to bet that most of them would side with the parent who wanted school. That's why I think it's important to have ex at least not vehemently against.

I think Anastasia's idea is excellent!

Unfortunately I'm less genius and more someone with an ex who has mostly been less than enthusiastic about my parenting style.

I've had to come up with ways of saying things that means he has to go and research the subject to provide a counter argument, because I would already have researched and he would react by disagreeing without good reasons.

Suprisingly (or not?) once he went away to do some research instead of just having a knee-jerk reaction he would realise that my latest 'crazy hippy' idea was actually fairly practical and usually evidence-based.

Back on the subject - I think the court would tend to rule on the situation that most maintained the status quo. So if it was going to court I think you'd need to try and prove that home ed would be an improvement on school. Which could be difficult without trying it out first to show how the child has reacted. I think that if you can show you've tried everything, or that your ex is leaving it all up to you despite you trying to involve him then they would be more likely to let you have the final say as the parent with doing most of the care.

I don't really see why you'd need exh's permission?

If DH's kids need a permission slip signed they only need exw to do it.

hope you can persuade him anyway, it should be up to you as you're the one dealing with DS's school problems every day!

The legal position is that you both share parental responsibility, but you are able to exercise it unilaterally. So you could withdraw you child without your ex's agreement. If he wasn't happy with this then he would have to apply to the court for a specific issue order under the Children Act 1989. Anastasia is absolutely right about the kind of things that would help your case if it came to this. The court would probably ask for a welfare report, which would prob include information from the LEA. You need to balance up whether he is the kind of man who is likely to go rushing off to court. If he isn't, you don't need to worry so much. If he is, then you do need to document everything and proceed carefully as Anastasia suggests.