please help - feeling wobbly :(

[MathsMadMummy]

and not just because of the post-baby belly lol

A few years ago I was a regular poster on another parenting board. Once we finally got the internet I discovered MN and much prefer it - but I still have a peek occasionally, and after we decided definitely to HE, I decided to post on that board too to see if anyone else there does HE... wasn't trying to start a debate!

basically I got an overwhelmingly negative reaction. How I'm writing off the school system and how HE kids fall behind schooled peers. FFS

I know it's just their small minded opinions but it's upset me and for some reason made me doubt our decision. And it's probably nothing compared to what people in RL will say. Haven't officially told my parents, tested the waters but not looking good. I'd better grow a thick skin! Wish DH was here, he'd tell me to stop being silly.

sorry just needed to vent

It wasn't a site beginning with B was it?

I had the same reaction when I mentioned it too.

Anyway this forum is great for support and information. I'm planning on HE'ing Ds and I have learned so much from just reading threads here and am positive HE is the right thing for us.

And I'm not your DH but stop being Silly. People in RL with alway's have a negative reaction to something but as long as you are happy with your desision then who gives a shit cares what anyone else say's.

Chin Up.

You will get a lot of negative reactions - both on forums and in real life I'm afraid. Lots of people think HE is illegal, or that you have to be a teacher, or that it's only ever a "last resort" and can't be as good as school.... etc, etc, etc

The fact is that most of the people who think those things have never properly looked into it, or once met someone who had been HE who had some issues and they assume that it was the fault of HE rather than the person's own personality.

I'm not saying you should ignore anyone who disagrees with your decision, but you should weigh up their views on the basis of how much you think they actually know about it, not the vehemence of their feelings about something they don't understand. If someone with experience of HE points out potential problems, then they have a right to be listened to and their points considered seriously. If people who know nothing about it "know" it's a terrible idea, then you should feel free to discount their views.

If you went on a forum and mentioned a medical problem, you'd pay more attention to someone who was a doctor or nurse, or had experience of the condition, over someone who said "Oh my hairdressers cousin knew someone who had that"

yes I've had reactions like that on other boards. Even got warned of one SEN place.

every parent must wonder at some point, if they are doing the right thing for their children. For me I decided i can only do the best I can with the information and resources I have at the time. Whichever wayt i looked at it, home education for our children could only be a good thing-indeed it couldn't have been any worse than the school system for them.

What made the difference to me was going along and meeting other home educating families. The more we mixed (and still mix with them) the more inspired I am.

I'd agree with AMIS, talk to people with experience of home education-not just LAs/school/families who haven't.

thank you, i know i shouldn't take it to heart. just worried how people around me in RL are going to react.

stoopidly went back to the other thread and keep getting told i should give school a chance first etc etc why can't people understand it's a positive choice???

oh crap feel really tearful now today started so well too, now it's just rubbish WTF is wrong with me?!?

Oh dear, I'm sorry

I am lucky to have a fab village school here for my DSs, but I'd never judge someone for HEing. You've obviously thought long and hard about it and made the decision for the right reasons.

And frankly, with a username like that, you sound perfect for HEing...

I think a lot of people are only aware of HE as a reaction to bullying or other problems in school - the idea that you could actually choose to do it for reasons which have nothing to do with problems at school won't have occurred to them.

It's tricky to do somthing "unusual" - there's always a comfort in the fact that "everyone" does something like sending children to school - being the odd person who doesn't follow the "normal" route is always going to be harder.

I haven't seen your reasons for choosing HE - but you have presumably thought it through and decided you want to try it. Just take a deep breath and remind yourself why you decided that, when people are funny about it.

We have had loads of funny comments from almost everyone we know with regards to HE, people don't understand it so they knock it.

Our strongest supporter is my 80 year old Nan who even just this morning said to me "you have to put your children first and do what is best for them,if you don't no other fu**er will !"
Choice words for an 80 year old lady, she looks so sweet as well but she is right.

You did mention baby belly so how old is your baby ? Blame it all on the hormones, I do

at your Nan...

We all get wobbly now and then - just read a few good articles online to remind yourself why you're doing it and you'll be brave again.

When I was feeling shitty yesterday, and I was considering if they'd be better off in school, I actually came to a realisation that I actually think school could potentially be so damaging to them that if it got so bad at home that school would be better then I really would feel like I'd failed completely at mothering.

OMG your nan has cheered me right up loumum!!!

DD is 2y9m, DS is nearly 7m so can't quite blame the hormones... oh dear, DH really shouldn't have brought home a cheesecake for me!!!

Feel a bit better as I told one of my closest college friends (no kids) - she is really supportive, as she is hoping to HE when the time comes. Just needs to get her OH on board

right well to continue the cheering-up process, since DS is asleep on me (BFing constantly today, got the sniffles) I'm going to carry on reading this which I discovered the other day.

I am a teacher and have told various people that i want to home educate and I get the same reaction.

People assume that HE is for people who have had to leave the system because of bullying/SEN or because they are weirdos and are maybe in a cult of some sort.

I know how the current system works and while it benefits some it fails many others. I want my DS to have a love of learning that isn't beaten out of him by the national curriculum. I know there are some excellent schools out there but I feel the HE would be best for us.

Hang in there if it's what you really want.

I was brought up in the traditional manner, all children went to school whether they liked it or not, it was good for them etc etc... and that is how I thought I would be when I became a parent... WRONG!!! I had this sweet little boy that was supposed to start school just a few weeks after his 4th birthday and I couldn't bear it, he was still a baby for goodness sake. If he was unhappy at school, how the hell would he let me know???

I did start him briefly when he was 5 and when he came home and told me he had been crying at assembly in the morning (and he is SO not a softy) I thought, sod this, this is my child and I am not going to make him go somewhere he is unhappy to be moulded into what the education system wants him to be, i.e quiet and submissive.

At this stage in life, there is nothing he can learn in school that I can't teach him (and I am not a teacher, just a devoted parent)and seeing as his class was 35 pupils to 1 teacher, I can do it more effectively too. The only thing I have to do is make sure he plays with other children which is easy with local parks and HE groups etc.

It's true I have had a few raised eyebrows when I have told people he is home educated but I have also had alot of interest with people saying they would like to also do it. People are always saying what a bright, confident and happy boy my DS is so I think I must be doing something right. It may not be forever, I am hoping he would like to go to school when he is ready but until then HE is the option for us.