Should I start home educating dd?

[Duritzfan]

Hi

my dd is ten - she has a place at good caring secondary school from september which I hope will treat her better than the primary school she currently attends.
She is a quite bright girl, who loves learning, she would read and learn all day if she could...

she has type 1 diabetes and the school are not meeting her medical needs and gets bullied a lot by a few particularly obnoxious kids in her year ..school are very reluctant to do anything to help her ..

I have come back today from another disappointing conversation with the staff at school and am beginning to think that this situation is never going to be resolved ..so am thinking I might pull my daughter out for the remainder of the year ..and then see how the new school shape up...
Am I mad ?

I don't think you are mad just so long as the break from school does not teach her that you can run away from things when they get tough/unpleasant and that or that she can leave the secondary school if the same thing happens. Unless of course you can home teach until she is 18.

We had a similar thing with SDD who has allergies, in the end we gritted out teeth and bore it out knowing the secondary school was coming and tried to keep her bouyant by talking about it a lot.

We also had SDD1 off school last year for 6 weeks due to spine surgery, so get very used to being at home and it was a real challenge to get her back and into the swing of the routine of school again, however she is a teenager!

How are they not meeting her medical needs? Not helping her with meds? Can you go to the board of governors? Why do the kids bully? Because of meds/needs? Some kids are hideous. Can you ask to speak to the parents and try to reason with them? Explain your daughters needs and explain that pressure from other kids is not helpful?

I think various people would learn various valuable lessons from you pulling your daughter out for the rest of the school year.

She will learn that when she is miserable and stuck, you will help her. She will learn that her happiness is sufficiently valuable that you'll turn your routines upsidedown to help secure it. She will learn that she should never have to tolerate being bullied.

The school staff will learn, and you don't have to hammer this home, just make it gently clear, that when you sent your child to their school and they said "ooh, yes please" and took the funding for her school place, they had a duty of care towards her, medically and emotionally. They failed in that duty of care. Rather than trying to fight them in order to care for her properly while in loco parentis, you are removing your child to a safe environment, and completely justifiably. More parents whose children are bullied and whose medical needs are not taken seriously by institutions should do exactly what you are considering doing. They are being paid to providing you with a service. They are not providing it. So they don't get to have the funding that went with that service provision any more.

And you will learn, I hope, that HE is a wonderful adventure that, if your daughter needs to come out of secondary school later for any reason, will be something you can embrace with joy

What ommmward said, exactly

Surely though, HE should be a positive choice rather than a negative reaction? Is there any way of improving things with the school? What issues are there?

What is this thing people have about HE needing to be a positive choice?

Its a choice. It will have positives and negatives just like any other choice.

Is it a positive thing for the OP to leave her daughter in a place that is not meeting her medical needs? Not even secondary needs, but things that could cause illness or even death.

Is it a positive thing for the DD to be bullied on top of that?

How would choosing to remain in school for the duration of the term be a positive choice? Surely school should be a positive choice too?

I have recently started home schooling my DS and he is sooo much happier and therefore we are all much happier. HE can be a fantastic adventure and there is alot of help and support available if you need or want it. Since I have started doing it I have realised that more and more parents are considering this option due to various reasons i.e. bullying, unsatisfactory levels of education or as in our case, just wanting to have more input to the education of our child. It needn't be forever, you may find your DD wants to re-join mainstream education in the future but if she doesn't just be aware that formal schooling isn't compulsory and isn't suitable for everyone. GOOD LUCK!!!

thank you ... especially ommmward ( GREAT name !) and anastaisia ...
I honestly thought that people would tell me to suck it up as it is only a few months..

The school are ok on paper, but when it actually comes to the crunch they dodge all responsibility possible..I have been trying to arrange better provision for her at school since September, when her medical needs changed - she needs to be supervised injecting in school hours.. they said oh yes no problem ..but then it took five months for them to actually help us ..
they refuse to put her on school action which would have enabled her to get extra time on her recent 11plus exam for example ..she had to miss fifteen minutes of a thirty minute paper because she needed an injection as she was "high" during the paper due to stress and exam nerves...
She came home in tears yesterday and today - her teacher says that she should just toughen up ..and refuse to talk to the kid who bullies her...
I am scared thather confidence and trust in teachers is getting battered and I dont wnat that to happen ...

thank you so much for answering my post .. anyone else got any ideas or more thoughts ?

Hi

somehow I have ended up with two threads running...aargh !!

thank you .. she does wnat to come out of school..she says she feels that she doesnt fit in at this school and that she is a "nuisance"because of her care needs..

To be honest my main worry is that she would find it harder to go back in september..but I am trying to weigh that against the continuing damage being done to her confidence and happiness...

She is very keen to start at the new school still.. I have explained that this would be a temporary thing..

She also is sometimes held back byt he other children in the class as she is pretty advanced for her age...

Honestly?

Instead of taking her to school on monday,I'd send the deregistration letter (assuming you're in England or Wales, not scotland, where the practicalities are slightly different)

And then put your energies in the next 6 months into getting both her and the new school really ready for that to be a success.

I wouldn't worry about September at the moment. Keep the place at the secondary school, obviously, but cross that bridge when you come to it.

I originally took my younger daughter out in Year 4 just as a reaction to a situation she was in in Year 4. I fully intended to send her back in Year 5. However, I thought I'd worry about that when it came to.

In the end, she never did go back because HE worked so well for us. But we did look at secondary schools for next year (she's Y6 now too), to give her the option. In the end she decided to keep going as she is. Big sis (Year 9) is now also HE and it's not nearly as hard as I thought it would be!

However, if you'd asked me to even contemplate educating them through the secondary years when I took DD2 out in Year 4, there's no way I could have done it!

Secondary will be a whole new beginning, so I don't see the arguments that she will necessarily not want to go. If you both decide at the time to continue HE, fair enough, but HE children I know have returned to school for various reasons with no problem. I don't see that the taking her out for a short while is any issue at all. In any case, I think her needs at the moment sound more important than worrying about September. Sometimes you just have to take life as it comes.

I can't promise she will definitely want to return in Sept, but you do have on your side that if it's really not possible for you to continue after then, you can talk through with her why and she is old enough to understand. What I would do is put school to the back of your minds for a short while, to give her a chance to really make the best of the HE. We did this a lot at the beginning. I took DD2 out in the October half term and we were all a bit wobbly over it, so we said, we won't talk about returning to school at all until Christmas. Then we discussed it at Christmas, decided HE was going great, and said we would review it at Easter. We don't need to do this any more but it was a useful exercise at the time because it enabled us to put the topic of school out of our minds, whilst still knowing we would return to discussing it as a possiblity. I'd say the June would be a good time to say you will forget about all school until. Secondaries usually start their induction days around late June, early, July, so then would be the time to start discussing school again.

I wouldn't worry about HE not being a "positive choice" at this stage. We took our girls out because of a negative reaction to school and it was the best thing we ever did. Sometimes things you do to resolve a crisis situation end up being things you wonder why you didn't do all along!

If she wants to come out of school, I think your decision is made. I think you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Duritzfan I am a teacher, I have worked in many schools and I can say in absolute terms that your daughter's school is crap. They are failing in their duty of care by not supporting her medical needs and not taking the bullying seriously. I'm shocked at her teacher's response. If you do want to continue with this school, ask for copies of their policies to do with bullying and medical issues. They won't be keeping to them by the sounds of it so you can beat them over the head with them. Make complaints to the governors and the LEA.

If you think her overall wellbeing will improve by taking her out then that is a decision you will have to think about carefully. Other posters have pointed out some of the pitfalls and benefits but in the end you have to do what you feel is right for your child.

I personally intend to home school my children.

ommmward you are kidding yourself if you think removing one child from a school is going to teach the school anything. They will already have the funding for her and as she is going to secondary it won't make any difference for next year either. Children move all the time. Do you really think a school that treats a child in this way is really going to wake up the next day and realise they were wrong all along?

That's depressing, soapboxqueen. But I do think that if some parents say "you have failed in your duty of care. I am removing my child to a safe place", then at least on some level the person hearing that will be affected by it - even if only by defensive egoic fury that anyone could accuse them of such a thing. I think it is the right thing ethically and spiritually to point it out and remove the child to safety; what the recipients of the criticism do with it is entirely up to them.

To parody the child protection industry, "if it saves just one child..."

Have you spoken to the Local Education Authority? This is serious. I once had a girl with Type 1 diabetes in my class, I supervised her injections (it took 5 minutes out of my lunchtime, oh what a sacrifice!!) and it wasn't hard to help her with the other things (mainly spotting a hypo) once you got the hang of it. They must help you. Speak to the LEA.

Of course, home educate if you wish, but if you would prefer her to be in school then explore the LEA route.

I am still dithering here... I am just nervous I think .. doesnt help that hubby is away on business so I cant speakto him about it right now..

dd definitely wants to come out of school...

I do feel as though Ia m giving up a bit .. her school are supposed to care for her ..they didnt want her to inject at school at all but I fought them on that and yes, I've had the LEA and Parent Partnershp involved to get this far ..
I am just so sad that they wont find the five minutes a day it takes to supervise her or help her..She is a very capable sensible girl who is utterly reliable and I think they count on that ... at the meeting we had with school about her injections, the obvious disinterest was palpable and it is a very sad coincidence to me that that night she came home and did her first injection in herself..she has always been too scared before.. but I feel that she learned forom that meeting that she had to be self sufficient and so she took it on board to get over her fears ..

I am all for her having her independance ofd course - but I feel that school forced this issue with her because of their unwillingness to take repsonsibility..

Shaz10
can i just say how rare a teacher with your attitude is in our area ? My dd is the first child whose parents have insisted on her changing her medical regimen to include school injections ...No bugger here in our county wants to know... You are wonderful for supporting that child - thank you so much for doing your part..I wish more were like you ..

Aw, shucks, thanks! But it was really no bother. I have to admit I was apprehensive when I learned she would be coming into my class, but her diabetes nurse came in to talk me through everything, and then it just became second nature. I'm pissed off for your sake that you haven't got people who can help. .

I wish you all the luck in the world, and I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

I have to say I'm suprised at the school's attitude. It's fairly common to have children with diabetes in school and it wouldn't be an issue normally. I myself have undergone training to support children with medical issues that were not even in my class. Just so that we were covered.

Duritzfan have you thought about disability discrimination. I'm not sure if anyone else has mentioned it but this would be covered by that. As mentioned in other threads, schools can't even stop children attending school if they are not toilet trained because it counts as disability discrimination. Although the school has not asked her to leave they are supporting discrimination through lack of empathy, support and allowing bullying to go on unchecked. I did a quick internet search and found some extra information here. I would also make enquiries with a diabetes charity such as diabetes uk who will have people on hand to give you support and advice www.diabetes.org.uk

Just to say: I know those ideas might well help address the medical issue, but doesn't help with the OP's daughter being bullied. If the child isn't being looked after properly medically OR in welfare terms and doesn't want to be in school, then I am wondering what is to be gained from sticking it out until the child leaves the school anyway in however many weeks it is? I'd be soooo inclined to pull the plug and enjoy the summer term rather than hoping the child can weather it.

I'd need to have a pretty good reason for wanting to stick out something that sounds so vile, myself.

Ommmward, the school has a legal duty to deal with bullying and discrimination. Disability discrimination does cover bullying which includes allowing it to continue without even attempting to stop it.

Taking a child out of school for any reason is not that simple. No matter how jusified you may think you are, education welfare will be involved. Some ew officers are understanding and some are idiots. A very similar situation has happened to a friend of mine except her dd has a statement and is alot younger. She did everything right, contacted the correct people, gave the school time to respond, had everything in writing. Yet when she reached the end of her tether and withdrew her dd to home school she was harrassed by education welfare. The school tried to make out that she was being unreasonable, even though everything that had happened was recorded and she was in the right.

I still think my friend did the right thing for her child and this may be the case for Duritzfan too but there will be repercussions. She needs to weigh up the pros and cons. The school may give up and just let her be home schooled but seeing as it's a SATs year I wouldn't bet on it.

Having said all that, Duritzfan don't be afraid to remove your dd if you think the situation will not improve through continued dialogue with the school/lea and she is being harmed by it.

soapboxqueen taking your child out of school SHOULD BE that simple- and usually is if you are informed and know the law relating to home ed.

You can generally see off the school, who have NOTHING to do with it once the deregistration letter has gone in. Their responsibilty ends with informing the LA of your choice to home educate.

Education welfare are not always involved.
it depends which LA you are under and armed with legal info, they can be shown the door, never to return.

Sometimes families do need an bit of extra help from more experienced home educators, because sadly, some LA's and schools act Ultra Vires and some simply lie.

I took all three of my children out of school and there were no repercussions.
Didn't hear another peep out of any of the htree schools.
I help other families get the information they need to deregister without repercussions frequently, as do many others here and on the regular home ed lists.

You are right Duritzfan shouldn't be afraid of taking the child out of school to home educate, if that is the right choice for her family.

Which LA do you come under Duritzfan?

we are under Essex LEA....

I have asked for help from the school re the bullying.. I am loathe to go at them using the DDA as I feel that this will just get their backs up..I have seen how we have changed from being well liked by the head teacher to being ignored as we are now - if tats the result of asking them to fulfil medical needs then what will they be like if I hit them with the DDA ?

julienoshoes I think we all know that would should happen and what does happen are two totally different things. No matter what the topic of discussion is.

All I was trying to do was prepare Duritzfan for some possible outcomes. I don't think it's fair to give the impression it'll be a walk in the park when it may not. As you say it all depends on the LEA.

'it depends which LA you are under and armed with legal info, they can be shown the door, never to return.' This is exactly my point you have to be prepared and ready to defend your position if necessary. I'm not trying to scare her off home education. I'm just being realistic. Many schools are like mini-republics and follow the rules the way they choose to, hence why situations like this arise in the first place. We all know that this country is full of parents who've had to fight tooth and nail for things that their children are legally entitled to.

Duritzfan the only reason I mentioned the DDA stuff was if you wanted something stronger to smack them with. From the sounds of it the status quo won't do any longer and if the school won't budge, you may have found that making discrimination enquiries was the only way to go.

Have you thought about transferring her to another primary in your local area that feeds into the high school she will go to in September? You could phone up local primary schools to ask if they have any places and how quickly she could be transfered. It's just a thought. You may still find that home education is the way to go.

My ds2 was withdrawn from primary due to lack of support with his health.

We had 2+ years of him at home and he then went to secondary very happily and has remained there.

I tend to think that people assume H.E is much harder than it really is.

I wanted to add that we had no repercussions whatsoever when we withdrew both of our girls from different schools. The first school were stroppy with us and quite upset, but that was that except for being contacted by the out of school learning team a few months later. With DD1, nothing happened at all. We were under the radar for ages and would have remained that way had we not had to apply to the council for a performance licence for her.

Being a SATs year will make absolutely no difference at all. SATs are a measure of the school, not the child. SATs are of no significance or use to the child whatsoever. Schools pressure the child because they eant good league table results, but the LA won't give a toss. You will be amazed once she is out of school about how little anyone cares about SATs. We asked all the local secondaries what would happen if DD2 went there with no SATs and they all said it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference as they assess them themselves when they arrive.

Hi well done i am in the process of deregisrtaing her what do i say to the school? do i have to mention i am taking her out to study at home? and where do i get started for resources as my child is 10 got bulied and i have to think of her welfare please any ideas would be welcome do you tell the local authority