Would you home ed?

[debs40]

This is something I have been thinking about on and off for a while.

I have a son who has just turned 7 and is on the ASD diagnostic waiting list. He is described as having social communication difficulties and he also has Developmental Coordination Disorder.

He is doing ok at school. We went to bibic before Christmas and his non-verbal and verbal reasoning tests but him on the 95th centile or above. He is doing averagely well in his large Yr 2 class.

His teachers are pretty useless. They have failed to understand the ASD issues but after a huge battle (emotionally draining and exhausting) school are trying to implement some basic schemes (visual timetables etc) to help DS. He is on SA+ but I have had to fight every step of the way to get his needs recognised and ensure they are doing what they should be.

I went in to school yesterday for an 'open literact' session where parents could come and watch a class for half an hour. It was pretty dreadful. Very dry lesson about the use of suffixes. DS sat in front of me drawing guns on his white board.

I mentioned this to his teacher and got 'oh he isn't usually like this, we don't see that here'.

However, both his occupational therapist and bibic noted his clear problems with concentration and just sitting still in his seat.

The class teachers don't read with the kids and rely on you to tell them when they should move up reading levels. I have asked three times now for them to tell me how he is doing academically and they can't seem to give any kind of answer which I think is because they stand at the front of the class and teach and haven't a clue about the kids - apart from the so-called 'high-fliers' in their booster group and the so-called 'stragglers' who get TA help.

Meanwhile, DS has friends which is great and doesn 't dislike school but he told me the other day he goes to school to make me happy. We have started to do bits and pieces together and he says he likes it much better when I teach him. I think he has a problem followign things in class.

The battle with school about provision and their inability to engage him is really wearing me out. We live in an area with a grammar school so I think the primaries here are very pushy from day one.

Is this a bad school (it's supposed to be outstanding according to Ofsted) or would it be the same wherever I go? Home ed seems to offer a life with much less stress although I do work (from home) so I'm not sure how that would go long-term.

Complicating this is that DS2 is due to start in Sept.

Maybe we should move?

I'd love to hear your experiences

I would . Can you work out a way to fit in your work around your children? The beauty of home ed is that you don't have to do it at set times. In fact, if you read up about autonomous ed (lots about it on this topic), you may find that you can do your work at the times your DS (or DSs) are naturally otherwise occupied.

I am planning to start an OU degree in October. I am fairly certain I'll get at least an hour or two of study done in the day time as the DDs do have periods of the day when they're all off playing, and I find myself bored so come on MN . Or can you do some of your work in the evening?

Hope you get more replies

Would you HE them both?

Personally I think I'd go out of my mind with stress at the idea of having to get multiple children ready just to get one to school!

Thanks for this MrsWobble.

In some ways I think DS2 would be better at school as he seems so much better skilled emotionally and socially. However, he has no interest in doing any formal education (quite rightly at this age) and cannot even grasp a pencil properly - he is left handed and struggles with this - and I can just see him encountering problems which would be frustrating when it is entirely nonesensical to be expecting these children to be doing anything at this age.

I think the grammar school has a really negative effect on schools here.

In my heart of hearts, I feel the stress would be removed from my life if I did this but is that me thinking of me or them???

I should add, at the moment, because of medical appointments and going backwards and forwards for school meetings, my work has been completely sidelined so I am learning to do when I can and around the boys.

Convincing hubby might be a problem too.

Ok, the way I see it is this. If you send them both to school, then time you actually spend with them is marred by stress - stress on your part, and tiredness, rattiness, homework etc. on their part. That can't be that good for them? There are loads of other reasons for home educating than just because it would remove stress from your life - although that is one of the beneficial side effects IMO . Find some more benefits:

• DS2 won't be put off writing and reading by being forced to do it younger than he's ready to

• DS1 benefits from more time spent at his own pace, from a social point of view

• both children have more control over their lives

• they can get loads of friends still by going to extra-curricular groups like beavers and home ed groups, but the friendships are on their terms, and not forced

There are loads more - would you consider buying a book or two to help you decide? Free Range Education by Terri Dowty is great - lots of stories by different home eduating families. Ignore the law section as that's about to change anyway! And How Children Learn At Home by Alan Thomas and Harriet Pattison - the result of extensive research into autonomously educated children. Anything by John Holt would be the next thing to look at

We HE our middle son and will not send the baby to school ever...We are toying with the idea of taking our eldest out of senior school and are 90 % sure that we will do that this year.

I have absolutely no regrets about taking our middle son out of school in year 3. The school was useless, the teachers were useless,it upsets me to think I ever sent my beautiful happy 4 year old there and what they were turning him into.

I would advise you 100% to go ahead and HE him,
Good Luck.

Thanks...I will take a look. Much appreciated MrsW!

and loumum to...

Not all primary schools are like that you describe...my dd's school (not at all Ofsted outstanding) is very child focussed.

However, our area has no grammer schools which - like you say - can have an appalling impact on feeder schools.

I'm a home edder, so I'm biased.

Some children are really happy sitting still for long periods of time in a day.

Some children aren't, or aren't yet.

The latter category shouldn't be in school, or shouldn't be in school yet.

End of.

Im a home edder ive educated all 3 of my ds at some point ....ive h.e ds1 and ds2 was at school and ds3 was a baby

Ive h.e ds1 and 2 together

Ive h.e ds2 whilst ds1 was at school(ds3 still a baby)

Ive h.e ds3 whilsdt ds1 & 2 went to school.

It works,you make it work.

I'm not a home edder but I have considered it. I have not been impressed with our 'Outstanding Oftsed' school either. There seems to be a formula you can follow to tick all the boxes to become outstanding, but it doens't have much to do with knowing and understanding children you taech.

we haven't done it, as DS's want to go to school, Dh against it and I'd have to give up work so enormous financial implications. We have moved ds2 to a private school though, and the individual targetted teaching he is getting already is making me hope this is the right decision.

for you though, if your DS would enjoy it, would not feel he was missing out on the shared social experience of school, if you'd enjoy it, if you can afford it, then i'd do it.

Alos then just make the decision that suits each child. HE may suit one but not the other.

We have put one DS in private and one in state. It suits both thier needs.

Debs, I just watched the dispatches programme on 4OD about children and maths in school and found another good reason to HE - no SATS!

@Debs40: Home ed seems to offer a life with much less stress although I do work (from home) so I'm not sure how that would go long-term.

I have EHEed and worked from home since my DC were born (18 and 15.5 years ago). While they were small, I worked after they were in bed and when someone (such as their father) was available to look after them. Now, I work in the mornings because they don't get up until about 9 (I get up at 6 when I have work to do). I can also now work while they do stuff (such as OU) and, of course, they can now be left alone when necessary.

I also HE and work (based) from home - I do some stuff out of the home too.

I'm a single parent so I do outside work when DD is with her dad whenever possible.

We have a nanny who works for another family that I use when necessary. If me and my ex both need to work at once, or if I have a CPD course to go on or something. She's very flexible and its nice for DD to spend time with the other family's children occassionally. Like professional playdates I suppose

If I had older children I'd probably look for a childminder instead of the nanny, but I didn't want someone who has to work with the EYFS so went for home based childcare.