Should I home educate my 6 year old son?

[obichamsvet]

I'm very seriously considering home educating my 6 year old son because I think he is getting lost in the crowd at school and being subject to the wrong influences.
His best friend is quite naughty and my son copies everything he does. After school he comes home sounding like him and behaving like him. But on his own he is a lovely intelligent boy. His teachers have commented to me several times that it is not a good relationship. He is also not very engaged at school although he is doing his work well. He is a very physical boy and I think I can cater to his needs and direct his energy in a more positive way at home.

But I'm worried about the social side. Does anyone know of any home education groups in Hertfordshire (specifically in the Watford/Rickmansworth area)?

Also, he is a middle child. By keeping him at home this will give him the attention he clearly craves and deserves. But my older daughter (age 7) is jealous that he might be taken out of school. She is doing very well at school and has lots of friends. I don't want to take her out too. Firstly because don't want to fix something that isn't broken and also because I'm worried they will argue. Does anyone have any advice/experience in this respect?

And has anyone got any general advice on anything I've said.

Any comments would be much appreciated!

the home ed advisory service are close by (Welwyn) and will help you make contact with local groups. They are here

It's pretty densely populated near you - you'll find loads going on.

It's really really common for more children to come out of school once you've taken the plunge with one. Partly because they see the sibling having a lovely time, partly because the school routine of early, time-pressured mornings and having to be finished with other activities in order to do the school pick-up gets more and more frustrating for everyone. I wouldn't keep her in school because of being worried about the dynamic - if she wants to come out of school too, I might regard the first 6 months of HE as being about helping the two children learn to get along constructively (not a punitive thing, a learning opportunity thing for all of you)

The practicalities of arguing are something to work out in the dynamics of your family. I'd just say that within HE, you can do so much going to meet-ups and doing stuff with other families, and going to local petting farms/ zoos/ museums etc that bouncing off the walls at home arguing is less likely than it is at the moment with your son in an environment that's not so great for him - you aren't going to be getting him at his best.

My path would prob. be to take the son out first, and explain to your daughter that until Easter it's just for him, so that he and you can get used to the whole thing (you can do a woman-to-woman chat about how he needs recovery time from school, poor lad, and to find his feet again) and then if she wants to try it too, then in the summer term you can all give it a try and see how it goes.

Thank you ommmward - that's a really helpful reply. I have told her that I'll see how it goes with him first. But you're right - it would be easier not doing the school run. But it's just a scary idea for me at the moment because I don't really know for how it will be yet!

At that age they often go through a phase of latching onto a DC that the parent doesn't like. It goes with other tiresome things like toilet jokes. They are learning all about friendships and finding their feet. They generally work things through for themselves, and come out the other side. I would give it a bit longer-encourage other friendships by having DCs home to tea.
Mine are close in age and they badly need a break from each other-being on top of each other every day wouldn't be good for them.

"I think he is getting lost in the crowd at school"

"He is also not very engaged at school"

I'm not seeing any of that being improved by more playdates and giving it a bit longer, Pisces

Please remember that while your children, in your opinion need a break from each other, that doesn't necessarily go for anyone else's close-in-age children, whether they have a harmonious relationship at this point or not.

Just saying.

Merely responding to:

' I'm worried they will argue. Does anyone have any advice/experience in this respect?'

If you think they will argue they probably will! I have experience-if mine are pushed together too much they deliberately wind each other up. With a break they get on fine.
Not everyone finds the same but she did ask for advice and experience!
My SIL HEed and she couldn't leave DS2 and DS3 alone together!

He hasn't had long at school, it takes time-he may well be a bit lost. Play dates and time will help. Just my opinion-OP can ignore it but she did ask!

Actually-when I thought about it, your reasons are like my brothers. They have DCs. The middle one did yr 1 in school and was attracted to the loud ones who were not a good influence (he was also struggling). In the summer holidays, on their own as a family, they got their 'nice little boy' back. They then thought-why send him back? The put the idea of HE to him and he was keen; however older brother, aged 7 yrs, who was doing well at school with 'nice' friends pointed out it wasn't fair and if xxx stayed at home he should too. There was nothing to say to that, so neither went back. DS3 was under school age and never went.
It has been a success in many ways but DS2 is now 15yrs and they still don't like his friends! Human nature is the same the world over and HE has the whole range of personality types-schools don't have a monopoly on the noisy and brash and bossy! The advantage of HE is that it is easier to avoid them but I'm not sure that I agree with censoring a DC's friends according to which you like as an adult! DS2 AND 3 fought like cat and dog-but that is improving now they are older.
I'm not saying 'don't do it'-you know your DCs best and it may be just what is needed. I am pointing out the pitfalls -my nephew's friends are still thought to be a bad influence, whereas his older and younger brothers are thought to have 'nice friends'.
If he is very physical I would have thought joining a football club and having matches once a week and mid week training was a good idea or martial arts or anything that channels the energy and gets him to meet others and widen the friendship circle.

Sorry -I meant they have 3 DCs

For what it's worth.
I had three children in school. Stressed children trying to meet the demands of other of the school agenda.
They would get home and fight and argue like cats and dogs.

Took all three out together, once we found out that home education is a legal viable option.

Guess what? took the stress out of their lives(school) and they transformed into children who laughed and giggled together. No not all of the time. But the difference to our lives was nothing short of incredible.

Not pushed together, but living a consensual life, trying to find ways that everyone feels their needs are being met.

I have also found that home ed life with teens to have been much less stressful than living with a teen going through school.
Again just my experience. Not everyone will be the same.

But I am with ommmward-and having had experiences such as you describe with my middle child obichamsvet. I wish I had got her out years before I did.

should read
'Stressed children trying to meet the demands of the school agenda.'

I think that Julie's point about learning to live a consensual life is so important, and Ommwards about using the time to help them learn to be together. It can only be good for your family as a whole, and for your children as they grow up to learn to live alongside people you don't necessarily get on well with.

My DDs bicker, but they also care a lot about eachother and get a lot of practice at discussing problems and at coming to solutions that suit everyone.

And bear in mind, that the bickering they do when they're out of school right now may well be fuelled by tiredness and frustration from some aspects of being in school so may not be such an issue if they were out of school.

My experience is that my HE DS1 gets on a whole lot better now with (still at school) DS2. When they were both at school they had a horrible relationship.

Thanks for all your views which I take on-board.
I am pretty much decided that I will do it although exact date undecided.
I agree censoring his friends is not ideal but at the same time I know something needs to change. Like with your brother,piscesmoon, during the holidays I get my nice little boy back. If I keep things the way they are, I think he will become more marginalised and withdrawn as it is hard for him to be himself in a positive way at school with this friend around.
I need to know that when he's older I can look back and say I tried my best for him rather than just plodding along in a complacent way and then realising that I've lost him if that makes sense.
And regarding his older sister wanting to stay at home, with 3 boys it's maybe easier to cater for their needs (physical play) rather than my 2 girls with one active boy in the middle.
But she is now pulling my heartstrings telling me how much she has to worry at school about not knowing things and trying not to get in trouble! So I'm not completely ruling it out but I feel it will be more difficult to manage.
I'm still feeling very scared though.

I'm sure that you can get lots of help-you don't have to be alone before you take the plunge. Why not contact your local groups before you do it and see what is on offer and what advice they can give?
I don't know if they would let you do it-someone on here will be able to tell you-but perhaps you could do some things with HE groups in the half term holiday, to get an idea.
They are all different and my brother's DCs got on much better when they were at school. This may be because-although my SIL is very much into consensual living -DS2 has never got the hang of it! DS1 and DS3 are fine with it but DS2,though a lovely, highly articulate, friendly boy usually manages to get his own way (to the detriment of the others-or so it seems to me as an outsider).

I don't know where you live, obi, but I know that our local groups are more than happy to have people attend who are just dipping their toes in the water wrt HE.

To encourage you, I too found what Julie found. My two girls used to constantly fall out, and like pisces, I used to assume they needed time away from each other. My youngest came out of school first, and my eldest followed a year later. I had lots of reservations about my eldest coming out, but the biggest was really that DD2 and I had built up this lovely life together and I thought that with DD1 at home too, it would be transformed to a stressful life of bickering and fighting.

For the first few weeks, it was. I had a resentful DD2, who thought DD1 was muscling in on her life, and a DD1 who was determined to stake her claim no matter how pushed out little sis was feeling. But gradually, I noticed things starting to improve. Noticed them talking to each other properly, noticed them behaving as though they actually LIKED each other!

Now we are a year and a half on from then, and they are better friends than I would ever have thought possible when they were both in school. They have the odd moment of irritation, but generally they chat together, play together, look out for each other, get on well.

The main thing I would say, which I could never have said when they were at school, is they seem to be on the same team nowadays. They pull together for the greater good of the family. They are no longer adversaries fighting each other for things. Rather, they collaberate with each other for them.

Managing two at home was harder work at first, but now I don't know how I ever had it any other way.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Everyones's DCs are so different that it is one of those things you can't predict in advance-you can only try it and see!