I think I may have inadvertantly become a HE'er. HELP!

[EccentricaGallumbits]

DD2 is 11. has been miserable in school for years. pretty much phobic. I've been forcing and coaxing her along for years.

I decided last week I wasn't going to argue any more.

She has refused to go to school again this morning and I think this may be it.

Help.

I work full time (doing midwifery degree, so when not in work or school need to be working at home!)

DH works full time (but is at home 3 days a week. And is not supportive in this in any way).

Both work funny hours so DH is around in the afternoons. My mother is around 3 days a week.

I don't know what to do. Logistically and otherwise..

It is possible to do this.
It would be complicated ........but possible. Easier if you get DH on side.
And if your daughter has not been recieving an education up to now because she has not been attending school properly, then I am sure you are considering that she will be better off at home.

Home education does not have to take place between 9-3 pm, Mon to Fri, in term time.
If you are content with the child care aspect or if you are happy that she is safe when she is on her own, then together with your DH and Mother it should be possible.

Have you read much about home education and the different styles?
There are several threads for newbies to home education-with links to good books/websites and how to find other home educators. Also threads on how to oficially deregister. I'll go bump them all for you.

In the meantime if you would like to talk through your options with someone in real life, email me via our local group and we can talk today off page.

Thanks for replying julie.

I can't make your link work! failed at the first hurdle!

I've been considering on and off for a whil because she is so misrable.

Having told her she doesn't have to go has had a weird effect on her. she is currently stomping in and out of the house in a furious temper. don't think she can handle that actual decision.

I'm also wobbling. I really don't think i'm cut out for this but have no other option.

ps. thanks for the bumps. will print ad put them in front of DH.

I think the first question is the simple logistics - are you ok about her being home alone for the parts of the day/week when you don't have cover? It sounds like that would only be a couple of mornings at most, so presumably she'd be ok?

Next, the mood - not surprising at all, if she's been stressed about school for ages then she's probably got her emotions at close to boiling point a lot of the time. Even starting to hope that there's an alternative has probably "popped a fuse" in there and it will take her a while to let the pressure out. Just let her steam till it eases up a bit, though obviously draw the line if she's getting too unbearable.

Legal stuff - you need to write to the school to have her removed from the register, to cover your legal responsibility. Julie has bumped the legal threads so you can see what needs to happen. Normally I'd say the LEA may or may not get in touch, but I'd imagine if you're already in a lot of contact with them about the school refusal, then you can bet they'll be in touch pretty soon to talk to you about your plans. The fact that she's been refusing, and presumably got a bad attendance record doesn't stop you from being able to HE, but I think it means they're likely to be more "fretful" than normal about your situation, to be sure you're really planning to make sure she gets an education and you aren't just hoping they'll go away and stop hassling you!

Next, you almost ceratinly need to give her some time to "deschool" - don't start trying to get her to do "educational" things straightaway - let the pressure ease off for a while before you try anything.

Then you can start thinking about what she would be best doing - if she has any thoughts about what work she'd like to do when she is older, that can be a way in. Or if she's missed a lot of the basics (sorry, don't know how long the problem has gone on) then you might need to go over "simple" literacy and numeracy and work up from there.

But whatever you do, I'm sure you can help her to get a better education than she's getting if she's been missing a lot of school and struggling to focus while she's there, so hang tough, you can do it!

Logistically - will be difficult but doable i think.

We've had a talk and she agrees to give it a go.

I think I'll give it till the end of the week before making a firm decision. She may decide to go to school after all.

I haven't had any dealings with the LEA as she hasn't actually missed much school but it has alway been a hideous, painful, misearble battle to get her there. I will forearm myself though.

How long does it take to 'deschool'? days? weeks? months?

Perhaps there will be a big shock and she is actually addicted to the battle????

Certainly weeks, months if she's been miserable for a lot of it. It doesn't mean she can't be doing anything useful, but it's better to avoid anything which looks like "schoolwork", as it just adds to the stress levels.

I can't speak from experience, because when my DS came out of school it wasn't because he hated it, and he had the long summer holiday before we started HE anyway, but I know there are others on here who have taken children out of schools because they were miserable there, and the advice is always to try your best to chill out for a while, even though you might feel under pressure to start "proving" that you're doing educational things with them.

I'll try to relax!!!!????!!!!!

Wow EG Im not surprised you are wobbling
It sounds mega scary!

I had (and still have) serious wobbles but our decision to HE took a lot longer!
I deregged mine in september so it still feels new

At the beggining of the summer hols when they knew school in september wasnt likely they were crackerjack crazy, drove me nuts for days. I started a thread on here and everyone reassured me they would calm down!
Which they did

Try not to panic
I agree with what you said - wait till the end of the week and see how she feels about it then, when the idea has had a chance to sink in

but i don't kn any physics. not electrica circuits. andi can barelyadd up let alonedo fractions andmaths stuff.

ohgodohgodohgodohgod

I dont know much about physics chemistry or biology
But Im not worried about the future prospect of ds studying these subjects (well I am trying not to worry!) because several members of my family are knowledgeable about science.
Many books available and great websites (the happy scientist is my favourite, he is very happy!)
Plus many courses available that offer email/telephone contact etc

Go and read a few websites/mn threads about he - wiki has some interesting stuff. If your dd is motivated she can do A LOT of learning without you needing to know much.
Its about facilitating her learning rather than teaching her.

Honestly dont panic, she may decide to give school another crack.
She may decide to go with HE

But have confidence that things will sort themselves out in the end

tanks.
keyboard also plying up - hence crap typing.

hae tophone school tomorrow. ug.

Good luck. Just one more thing to consider. My DD (now aged 10) was miserable at school up until a couple of years ago. I finally gave in and found out all I needed to know about home educating and told her she did not need to go back to school after the Summer holidays. We had the moods and temper for a few days and then she said she wanted to go back to school, to be with her friends. She has been MUCH happier about school over the last 2 years and her academic achievement has reflected her new relaxed mood. It seemed that knowing she was going to school by choice, rather than 'because she had to' made all the difference to her. I am still considering home ed for Secondary School .....