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Home ed

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Original poster

OK, so it appears I am now a home educator......AARRGGHHHHH!!!!!

27 replies

becaroo · 04/01/2010 11:02

....I have been debating whethr to home educate my ds1 (6) for about 3 months now (some of you may reember my more hysterical threads on the subject!!!)

When it came time to sen my son to school this morning I just couldnt do it.....couldnt physically or emotionally or mentally do it.

So....so much for my plans to be really organised and have workbooks at the ready and lotsof ideas for projects!!!!

He has spent the morning watching animal programmes on dvd and when I got his baby brother to sleep we did some pages of our reading manual (toe by toe) but thats it!!!!

Am going out to town this afternoon to buy stationary supplies....is waterstones or WH smiths best for literacy and numeracy workbooks?

Oh, and somebody please come and calm me doen a bit - have spent hte whole morning hyperventillating!!!!

When do I need to tell school? Oh, god, I hope I am doing the right thing.......help!

OP posts:
Original poster
becaroo · 04/01/2010 11:02

oh, and I seem to have forgotten how to spell!!!

OP posts:
differentID · 04/01/2010 11:04

blame it on the keyboard- most of us do that!

piratecat · 04/01/2010 11:07

wow, not surprised you are exhilerated (sp). I have no idea when or what you tell school. Did you ring in today?

Original poster
becaroo · 04/01/2010 11:23

yes, just left a message on the answerphone that he wouldnt be in today and I would be in touch later in the week...

...and ....breathe.........

OP posts:
smee · 04/01/2010 11:42

I have not a clue becaroo, but HOORAY FOR YOU. Am sure some home educators will be along soon with advice. Only thing I would say is are you totally sure you want to go the whole hog? I've heard a fair few people doing some school and some HE. One girl in DS's class does that and the school okayed it. Means she's at school for about half the week. Am quite temped myself..

macwoozy · 04/01/2010 11:52

A big hooray from me too!

I only wish I had the courage to do the same. I am so close to deregistering but I just can't bring myself to making that final step.

I couldn't take my ds in this morning as well, he was just so upset. But I'm sending him in this afternoon, and I feel so sad that I haven't the balls to just keep him at home.

AMumInScotland · 04/01/2010 12:01

OK, what you need to do is to write to the school telling them you want them to remove your son from the school register - officially he is just "absent from school" until you do that, so you should make sure you get the letter in promptly. It may be worthwhile to ask for acknowledgment of the letter, as that ensures you've got it covered from the legal side.

Then take a deep breath, and enjoy yourselves!

Then think about how you want to go about it, and set off....

Original poster
becaroo · 04/01/2010 12:39

Have downloaded a dereg letter from the EO website and have printed it off. Am going to take it in myself to make sure it gets there ok.

macwoozy I have been debating this step for about 3 months myself....sorry your ds is so unhappy

To be honest, I know that after initial clinginess and upset he would have gone, but its been like this since nursery and I am jsut worn out by it. Also, I have really started to question the whole school ethos since doing some background reading - John Holt etc

Am dreading telling people though, especially PIL I have lots of friends who a TA's and teachers and I cant see them being very supportive somehow.......

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 04/01/2010 12:42

You need to find some local HE groups so you have some support, I am sure they will be able to help with what to say to friends, family etc.

Hope it all goes well for you

AMumInScotland · 04/01/2010 14:08

You might find the TAs and teachers understand very well that school just isn't the right place for some children, or might be at some times but not others. But you might also find they're more positive if you talk in terms of "what's right for my individual child" or "how the government are ruining schools" rather than criticising the whole ethos of school education, as they've fairly obviously bought into that idea so might take it as a criticism of their views.

Of course, feel free to criticise their views if you feel strongly about it, but if you hope to keep people "on-side" then there are ways of describing your choice which make it about positives for your own situation, rather than sounding negative about other people's choices.

PIL - well, it depends what they're like. My parents found HE an odd idea at first, but came round to it when they understood how we could tailor things to suit DS as an individual. You might find making it sound like a short-term plan helps get over the initial shock, like "We'll see how much things have improved by the summer", then they'll see that you are managing fine by then and won't be against it if you decide to continue - once they see that he's happy and learning, they'll most likely come round to the idea.

ommmward · 04/01/2010 14:39

don't buy anything yet. Just give yourselves time to decompress and get used to each other (it is a process called "deschooling" and is a really important part of healing from the school experience for both of you). In a month, if he wants workbooks, for sure get workbooks, but there are lots of other ways to learn that children prefer. You can leave all that formal educational product stuff behind if you want - just do loads of crafts and cooking and hours and hours of playing and see where the conversation goes!

But really, don't go and spend lots of money at this point - there are hundreds of HEers with unused workbooks and curricula and expensive supplies that they bought in a panic at the beginning and then find they never ever need

ommmward · 04/01/2010 14:43

and yes, get the letter into school asap. When you hear from the LA, who are likely to get in touch, ask for advice here or on a HE email list before responding to them - they may well demand visits and annual plans and all sorts of things they have no right to demand, so just prepare yourself to be politely bolshy and learn what the law is (look at the 2007 EHE guidelines for a current summary here), and consider requiring them to keep any communications in writing. (oh yes, if you hadn't realised it, you just, by keeping your child out of school today, turned yourself into a little bit of a dissident in our socialist paradise... )

ShrinkingViolet · 04/01/2010 15:03

I'm going to slightly contradict people here and say that a cople of workbooks from Smiths or Tescos isn't that bad an idea, as it lets both you and the DC deal with the transition from school to home gradually, and IME helps with the panicky wobbles of OMG what on earth have I done, and how will I manage to cope.

But take it slowly, and don't force it (on either of you) - if you don't fancy doing half a page today, then there's tomorrow (or next week, or next year, or never ). And workbooks can sometimes help family and friends to come round to the idea as well ("oh, we're using such and such a publisher (rather than Smiths, sounds better ) to see how that goes" goes down well with inlaws I find).

Definately find your local HE groups (might need to try several, as they will all vary depending on what type of people use them, and if you're at the hippier end of the scale, you'll probably not enjoy a school-at-home or 17 GCSEs before breakfast group, and vice versa).

Also the HE email lists are very good - a touch political at the moment perhaps, but let that flow over you till you're sorted out.

Pwsimerimew · 04/01/2010 15:22

Interesting thread, can I please ask some questions?

SMEE mentioned it being ok to do half and half? Is this true of secondary schools too?

I think that my son would cope with school if he had three weeks in school, a week off then three weeks in school and then half term ( If you see what I mean).
He sooooooooo doesn't get school, have had problems since yr 1, he's now in year 7.
HE is something I've touched on ( ever so slightly) now and again when I'm pulling my hair out....

HugeBaublesWhatDidISayRoy · 04/01/2010 15:22

i would suggest plenty of out and about fun things too. Don't think too much about workbooks right now, although i can see your point shrinkingviolet.

Let him see what fun HE can be. Visit places whilst the term time is on, loads more space and time to enjoy. See what you think about local groups, but don;t feel you have to be in any if you don't want to. We have just met local HE'rs round and about as we go about our daily business. Also he can still join in any of the cubs, sports music clubs that his peers may be in, so he does not feel different and isolate.

And most of all, be prepared to be labelled weirdo for a while and get used to all the ignorant questions which you will come across, such as are you qualified, how does ds socialise and all the other rubbish that tends to come our way.

I am a few years down the line and it just makes me laugh!

Enjoy

AMumInScotland · 04/01/2010 15:41

Pwsimerimew - both primary and secondary schools can, in theory, allow flexi-schooling, which is the name for what smee referred to. But it would be much more likely for them to agree to certain time off each week than whole weeks off - if your DS was off for a whole week, he'd have to somehow catch up on all the work his class had done during that week, so he'd spend the whole "week off" having to do school-work, which wouldn't really help, I'd think.

You'd be more likely (though still not very likely) to get them to agree to him missing some subjects. But most secondary schools still wouldn't like that, as it would tend to be disruptive to other pupils to think that some subjects were "optional", specially since in Year 7/8/9 he'd probably be in all subjects with the same class group, so they'd notice he was getting to "skip" classes.

My DS has gone back to school, and has been allowed to miss one "column" of the timetable, but that is in Year 11 equivalent, when they only have 5 subjects anyway and it is easier for them to allow him to "study outside school" for one subject.

Have you looked into HE? There are ways he could still study for exams with HE if that's what bothers you, though there's more costs than you'd have in state school as you usually have to do the exams as an independent candidate and buy textbooks etc.

FlamingoCrimbo · 04/01/2010 16:46

Becaroo - woohoo! Well done! I also agree to not buy anything yet - just buy things as and when you need - you'll soon find out what things are good to have in advance and what things would be a waste of money. Remember you're not constrained by school hours now - nothing to stop you popping out to the shops when the need arises. That's what we do - find we need some graph paper, all go out for a trip to get some.

Did you manage to read anything about how children learn informally? John Holt? Alan Thomas & Harriet Pattison? I'd suggest that you just spend these first few weeks doing things 'for fun' rather than 'for educational purposes'. You'll more than likely suddenly realise all the education that has gone on, just by living and having fun together.

Pwsim - I would think that routine would be the worst of both worlds, really and truly. I, personally, would think that all or nothing is the best thing when it comes to school vs. HE.

ommmward · 04/01/2010 16:47

today, flamingo, our entire morning was structured around the lack of red paint in the cupboard

Original poster
becaroo · 04/01/2010 16:49

Have been into town and got some workbooks...ds1 seems quite keen to start them (!!!)

Will see how it goes....will only be able to do structured work when ds2 is napping anyway so it wont take up too much of our day.

MIL texted me to ask how he had gone on today at school (its been that bad lately) so texted MIL back and told her am deregistering him and she texted back;

"oh".

Great. Sigh. Suppose I am going to get alot of that....

OP posts:
smee · 04/01/2010 18:05

becaroo he's your son and you know best. Just try and laugh at the sighs that will come your way. I'm lucky in that DS largely likes school so we've stuck with it, but if he didn't I'd HE most definitely. Even with a child who's largely happy and at a school that I think is good, I question a lot of what they do - not least the length of the school day and the fact it's five days a week. So good for you. If you ever need any moral support and background cheering, feel free to post x

Pwsimerimew · 04/01/2010 18:32

Amuminscotland - Thanks, he's been opted out of PE, that was the worst subject. He came home happy and enthusiastic today.

Good luck OP .

Original poster
becaroo · 05/01/2010 13:39

Well, am taking the dereg letter in shortly....am really nervous though!

This morning I chatted with ds1 again about taking the letter and what deregistering him means and he still says he wants to.

So far today he has watched some wildlife dvds and played with his baby brother til his nap time, then we did some pages of a nueracy and literacy workbook while ds2 slept and then I made them lunch and they have both gone up to their GP for the afternoon. DH had a long chat with PIL on the phone last night (about an hour) and filled them in and they have said they want to be supportive so who knows? They will enjoy seeing more of ds1 anyway.

Have got some meet ups arranged with sone local groups already - not that ds1 wants to go! - but I feel its important to try.

Thanks for the support everyone.

B

OP posts:
Original poster
becaroo · 05/01/2010 14:04

Hah! Got myself all worked to see her and she is working from home today!!!!

Well, its done. Feel a bit sick. Please tell me it will be ok?......

OP posts:
smee · 05/01/2010 14:52

It will be x

ommmward · 05/01/2010 16:09

It will be fine.

The worst thing that can happen? In 2 weeks' time you and your child will say "what fools we were. School was wonderful compared to the living hell of being together most of the time", and then you have to swallow your pride and go and ask for the place back at the school.

Ain't gonna happen, lady

It's going to be very much more than ok.