Cant beleive I am really considering this!!!!....talk to me about HE please!

[becaroo]

...my son is 6. He has got some slight developmental delay but is doing really well. However, he is not happy at school. He has never been that into it, and there have been bullying issues which I have tried to address, but with little help from the school

Anyway, he told me this morning that he was repeatedly punched in the stomach on thursday playtime (by the same child we have had difficulties with since nursery!) and I am so fed up with it.

Last Oct at parents evening we were told he was "struggling" but not given any advice about how we could help (I did ask!) I went online and have been helping him at home since with good results (we have used an online early reading programme and I am now using the toe by toe teaching method) and he is getting much more confident with his literacy. He enjoys numeracy too.

He will begin "training" for the age 7 SATS soon which I am really not happy about - I dont agree with them at all and am already planning to ask if he cannot do them.

I would LOVE to HE him, BUT;

1.I am not a teacher and have no experience and was planning to restart my own OU degree in feb next year.

2.I have a 1 year old too...how would I manage to HE my older ds1?

3.Would he miss out on all the social interation with his peers? (Some of the children in his class are lovely)

4.Would I get any time away from him?? (Much as I love him!!)

5.I am RUBBISH at maths...how on earth could I teach him? My dh is goos at mahts but obviously I would be the main educator.

6.I know I could take him swimming and he goes to karate 2 x a week for the physical ed side of things, and I love trips!!! but I am worried about the cost also, i.e. text books, workbooks atc

7.Please help!!!!!

Well, have just read the brochure for the juniors I have applied to for ds1 and am appalled

I may be comepletely overreacting here as obivously I have never had a child go to juniors as ds1 is my eldest, but I am really concerned about a couple of things.....

1. They have spellings, numeracy and reading homework EVERY night for 30-45 mins

1. The spellings and multiplication tables are tested every week and if they get LESS THAN 90% they have to stay in detention at the next playtime.

He will have just turned 7 when he will be expected to do this

This just doesnt seem right to me....it will be hard enough for him to adjust to a new school, new classmates, new teacher etc. Am now really worried and its not til next sept!!!!!

It's not right, becaroo - one of the many, many reasons we HE. Children don't need to spend so much time doing formal crap like that - such a waste of their lives and so, so inefficient! No one learns well when they're coerced into it like that

I really think that if a child has engaged, interested parents who talk to their children and interact with them etc., then school is at best a waste of time and at worst damaging, if not to their emotional wellbeing, then at least to their ability to learn well, and to their natural curiosity.

Sorry if I sound rather dogmatic, but I do feel so strongly about this. School is fantastic for some children - vital for a few - but really cannot be the best place for children if they have parents who are really and truly intersted in them.

Wow FlamingoBingo, that's very dogmatic! Does that mean you think I'm not interested in my DS because I send him to school?

I think HE is a great option, would suit many families (probably many many more than try it), and is a lifeline for some.

But do you think that all the adults who went to school were damaged by it? You're doing down the vast majority of people by suggesting that, and insulting the vast majority who happily send their children to school - and the children who are nurtured and encouraged by the great many skilled and caring teachers who teach them there.

DS was very happy at school, was HE for 2 years, and is now back in school, and happy and thriving there. He's not some unusual case!

Becaroo - not all schools are like that, and the reason they have put that information in the brochure is so that you know what their approach is before you apply. But if you don't think that will suit your DS, then just focus your attention on HE - if you decide by the spring/summer that it's going well and suits you both, then just decline the place and carry on. You are the one who knows your child, and is best placed to decide what works well for him.

AMUminscotland,
I think what flamingo is trying to say is that your son is learning stuff despite the fact he goes to school, not because of it. Whilst your son may be thriving in school, many children do not.
The more I learn about autonomous education, the more I realised I was damaged by going to school. Thank God I never lost that innate curiosity that kids have and have managed to keep learning in adulthood. My husband is from Japan and has ZERO interest in learning. He went to one of the best universities here but never reads a book. He's just amazed he survived his high school exams with his mental health intact.

Oh my god, I am seriously considering home ed... But the one thing that can't sway me is how do the mums justify giving up all their own adult time and intellectual pursuits in favour of the children? As far as I see it, school is free childcare (!). Can you home ed parents help me with this one, because this is the one thing that is holding me back. That said, my eldest is still only 3 and if I found that she was having problems at school like bullying or if I found she was seriously losing interest in learning I would probably take her out without hesitation. She still doesn't go to nursery and after reading this thread I might not bother sending her until she's 4 anyway, like my best friend who's kept her son at home with her an extra year just because he's her youngest.

AMIS - read my post again without feeling angry about it. I said that at best school is a waste of time (ok, I should have added, unless children love it and actively want to be there) because they could learn all they need/want to learn at home. At worst, it's harmful. I didn't say school is harmful for everyone .

Sakura - I don't give up all my own adult time and intellectual pursuits in favour of my children. When my DD1 was 6m I started studying for a diploma in breastfeeding counselling and completed it when DD3 was born three years later. When we have saved enough money, I am going to do a second degree with the OU in history. I work self-employed as a breastfeeding counsellor, which I love. I go out with my friends. Our HE groups are very social events with a few activities thrown in. The three I go to last about 3 hours and the children play and the adults talk and drink tea. Once every 3 or 4 weeks (like today), DH takes all the children to his parents so I get a day to myself just being me.

Sorry, should have added:

HE doesn't mean you have to give up things, it just means you have to think more creatively about how you do them. Child-swapping with other HE families is very common and all HE parents understand the need to be able to have an hour or so here or there without children.

Hello all.

AMIS I think what you say is true...school is fine for some kids and there are those who love it. However, my own experience has taught me that there is a lot of low level emotional and physical damage done to some children (like me) that is not sonsidered harmful but has terrible consequences for that childs self esteem and happiness and I suppose my main worry is that that is what is happening to my ds1.

The more I read about HE the more I am convinced its for us. I am trying to meet up with some local HE parents to have a chat and pick their brains.

sakura I know what you mean about being worried about "me time" but I am lucky in that I have 2 sets of GP who live close by and will take the dc a couple of afternoons a week. I think its crucial to have some time for yourself away from the dc, especially if you HE.

Ds1 is still saying he wants to learn at home after xmas....so will keep you posted!

Thanks again for the replies x

Sorry if I seem angry about it, but when someone says "school is at best a waste of time and at worst damaging" and "cannot be the best place for children", then I don't think those things should go unchallenged. I do think that a good school is a great place for children who are suited to the school environment, and my son is one of them.

If you want to say that school is not the best place for every child, then I'll happily agree, and I'm very glad that HE is there as an option for those children. I'm also glad that it's there as an option even if the child doesn't have any issues with school.

But I don't think anyone arguing in favour of HE needs to claim that school is a bad thing, or a waste of time - my son had (and still has) opportunities in school that I simply could not have provided for him in HE.

Becaroo - I'm glad you've found contacts in the HE community tere, and hopefully your son will thrive in that environment - the school you describe does not sound like one I'd have wanted to send DS to, despite not having a problem with schools in general. His schools have never had a poicy of punishin pupils for not achieving well enough, and I'm astounded that they would take that line.

Hi AMIS Yes, I am very worried about the policy on homework and the acheivement level expected of (lets face it) very young children.

I should point out that I am not anti school and in fact the school ds1 goes to is considered one of the best in the county we live in - its just that at the moment I am not sure structured education is right for him. It may well be in the future of course.

Thanks for your input.

Bx

THx for the replies regarding my question. Sorry for the hijack, becaroo! I thought that what your school wrote about homework was disgraceful. I've still got a few years before I'm actually in your position, so I'm just musing at the moment, but I think if I had a little 6 year who was expected to do homework every night I'd have to intervene. Its just wrong! But then some parents believe that homework is a sign of a good school

flamingo, yes I see what you mean. I suppose you just have to be more creative with your time, as you say. I have already struggled with this question since deciding to become a SAHM too, of course. So I have been really looking forward to the eldest going to school so I'd get a bit of my life back. But now that she's approaching school age I'm changing my mind, as you do (a bit like being determined to go back to work when your pregnant and then changing your mind when you have your baby in your arms!)