Cant beleive I am really considering this!!!!....talk to me about HE please!

[becaroo]

...my son is 6. He has got some slight developmental delay but is doing really well. However, he is not happy at school. He has never been that into it, and there have been bullying issues which I have tried to address, but with little help from the school

Anyway, he told me this morning that he was repeatedly punched in the stomach on thursday playtime (by the same child we have had difficulties with since nursery!) and I am so fed up with it.

Last Oct at parents evening we were told he was "struggling" but not given any advice about how we could help (I did ask!) I went online and have been helping him at home since with good results (we have used an online early reading programme and I am now using the toe by toe teaching method) and he is getting much more confident with his literacy. He enjoys numeracy too.

He will begin "training" for the age 7 SATS soon which I am really not happy about - I dont agree with them at all and am already planning to ask if he cannot do them.

I would LOVE to HE him, BUT;

1.I am not a teacher and have no experience and was planning to restart my own OU degree in feb next year.

2.I have a 1 year old too...how would I manage to HE my older ds1?

3.Would he miss out on all the social interation with his peers? (Some of the children in his class are lovely)

4.Would I get any time away from him?? (Much as I love him!!)

5.I am RUBBISH at maths...how on earth could I teach him? My dh is goos at mahts but obviously I would be the main educator.

6.I know I could take him swimming and he goes to karate 2 x a week for the physical ed side of things, and I love trips!!! but I am worried about the cost also, i.e. text books, workbooks atc

7.Please help!!!!!

Hello all.

Ok, so its half term but I am already getting really stressed about sending my ds1 back on monday.....have bought and am reading "Free range schooling" and am loving it...it sounds so wonderful.

I wondered how long it took any of you to take the step to HE once you had made the decision?

Am going to talk to dh tonight and see what he says...can see other family members being a problem, but as long as dh is behind me I know I can make it work.

Am off to e mail some HE websites....

FB That whole idea of "de-schooling" is worrying me...I can see that sense of it but my ds1 is already "behind" in his literacy and reading (which is also why I am doubting my ability to teach him - I dont seem to have done a very good job so far ) and I amanxious he doesnt regress IYSWIM?

Thanks for replying to my - somewhat rambling - posts!!!

We are quite very structured and TBH I don't find the planning that onerous. It has definitely got easier over time and I now plan 10 weeks work at a time, so only plan 4 times a year and it takes me an evening. I used to plan a week at a time and that was far more time-consuming.

I put it all in a table in Word - weeks down the side, books/courses across the top and fill in the page numbers to be done each week; print it out and the DCs colour over the page/lesson number when they've done it. My eldest is a little more in charge of what he does, in that he has to fill in what he has done but I put at the end of the 10 weeks or every 4 weeks where he needs to be so that he doesn't get behind.

There is a structured home ed forum on ning, if anyone is interested.

Tinuviel - can I steal that planning method? Sounds brill!

becaroo - Stuff other family members! As long as you, your dh and ds are happy, what does anything else matter (note to self - take your own advice!)

I can't comment on de-schooling, as we removed ds the feruary of reception year, so we just did really basic phonics for a few mins a couple of times a week, until the following september when he would have started year one.

I think if you did go for it, it would be best just to have a period where you relaxed for a few weeks. You could always just do reading with him for fun, baking, artwork, go for walks etc. Just to get him into the swing of being at home instead of school. He will come on so much being one on one with you, that a little while of doing no formal work won't harm him.

Don't get disheartend about what you have/haven't done to help him with literacy. He's been at school, very different to you teaching him purley at home, in my experience with ds, you cannot compare the two at all.

"little while of doing no formal work won't harm him." eeek, sorry, just realised that sounds really crap to people who don't go in for structured HE!

I only said that as becarooo said she was interrested in a structured approach.

becaroo, just because he is 'behind' now, doesn't mean he will necessarily stay there. If you want to do structured stuff straightaway, there is no reason not to but it may be worth keeping it short and sweet - some phonics work using Letterland or Jolly Phonics or something similar and some maths using buttons or beads so he gets a real visual idea of numbers. Cuisenaire rods are great for that too. Then lots of reading aloud - it means they can access more interesting and challenging books before they can read them for themselves. Add to that normal life - cooking, shopping, walks in the park etc, and you will find he is learning lots anyway.

We have maps on the walls, which can often prompt interesting conversations about the world in general. A trip to the beach, building a sandcastle led to getting lots of books out of the library to find out what kind of castle we had built!

Becaroo - if you home educate, then it's often you who needs to deschool as well as your DS. You need to try to shed your ideas of what constitutes being 'behind'. Just like all children learn to walk and talk and potty train at different ages, they all learn to read and write at different ages too. Unfortunately, school doesn't allow for that and often ends up forcing children to learn before they're ready or holds back children who are ready young.

Try not to compare him to his schooled peers - join some HE yahoo groups and ask their help. If he's not learning in school, he doens't need to read young. They need to read young if they go to school because most learning is based on that ability. At home he can learn in many, many other ways and reading can wait if it needs to.

FB Thats exactly the problem with ds1!!!! He wasnt ready to learn to read and they/we have forced it on him with the result that now he sees "reading" as something he cant do and no longer wants to do!! You put it so much better than I could!!

And you are also right about me needing to de-school too....I dont want to be constantly worrying what he would be learning if he were in school if I do decide to HE.

He has said he is happy to go back on monday but over the past couple of days has been asking "when is monday?" about 4/6 times per day...not sure what that means....is he just curious or worried? I asked him if he was worried and he said "a bit" but couldnt tell me why....its so hard isnt it?

I feel as if I do decide to HE him that I will feel like I have jumped from a burning building with no safety net!!!! IYSWIM????

I have joined Education Otherwise and am waiting for the contact lists to arrive. Have also e-mailed a local group but no reply as of yet. Have ordered a couple of books from amazon too.

If it werent for the fact that I know he would really miss his friends I would de-reg him tomorrow...his favourite part of school is...playtime!!!! I just dont know how to get him together with other kids at the moment or even if there are any locally.

Thanks for replying to my posts..I am very grateful for your knowledge!

Sigh......I feel very down about the whole school ethos at the moment...

I knew he wasnt ready for nursery yet I still sent him (because thats what you do). I had doubts he was ready for reception but in he went (I was pregnant and enduring a
difficult pregnancy at the time but thats no excuse) I have real worries about
juniors next september...I really dont feel he is ready and I am not happy about
him taking SATS next year either....does anyone know how you go about asking that your child doesnt sit them????

Becaroo - what are school spaces like in your area? can you 'afford' to risk taking him out of school for a year as a 'trial'. Take him to loads and loads of HE groups - really throw yourselves in - and be bold. Invite HE families to your house and invite yourself to their houses. You do need to be proactive in this respect. If you find he's not making any friends and it's really not working, then put him back in school. Even a term of this would give you and him an idea of what it could be like.

It really is very lovely to watch your children learn and do things when they're ready at their rate. We are totally autonomous in our house, but I periodically get the willies and try to get them doing 'stuff' - it never works and always causes problems. I don't know why I do it. My DDs know huge amounts, DD1 is a very fluent reader and writes a lot, DD2 is very creative - they are both well ahead in many ways, and behind in some, but they're where they need to be for themselves. Still, I still try to do things and it's always counterproductive.

But last night DD1 suddenly decided she wanted to start a timeline - we got out a long roll of paper, measured it to fit the wall together, marked it at even intervals, she wrote all the decades on it for the last 500 years. It was so much fun, and so productive because it was on her terms. Way more fun than when I try to get her doing something I've instigated!

I can understand where you are coming from with regards "doing stuff" FB I am sure I would be the same!

Sadly, we live in a small village and the school he goes to is oversubscribed. However, I have been thinking about this and I wonder if I could still apply for a junior school place (which should be happening soon)and then see what happens as to whether he goes or not? I think it would be difficult/impossible to get him a place if I didnt apply with the other parents at the same time.

Have joined the local HE group on yahoo so will see what happens...

That's a good idea - get him a place at the junior school, take him out for this year and then just decline the place at junior school if HE goes well?

hmm...sounds like a plan!!!

becaroo, have replied to your email, but I just wanted to address something you said on hre incase anyone else is in the same situation is lurking.

"I knew he wasnt ready for nursery yet I still sent him (because thats what you do)"

We were in the same boat with ds, Nuresy at 3, and then school is the way we thought you had to do things - it was the way everyone did things. We relocated to the otherside of the country wheb ds was 3, and we rushed into buying a house we were not really sure of, in a village we were not really sure of just bacause a new term was about to begin, and everyone was rushing us to make sure he had a nursery place for the new term. Looking back it is laughable, he was only 3 and a half, a baaby still!

The problems we endured at nursey, then different schools all because we thought we needed to stay in the system as 'thats what you did' were emense. I look back now, and I know that if we had known about HE in the first place, and had never sent him to school at all our lives would have been completly different, we would not have all endured three years of stress and heartache.

Still, knowing what I know now, if I am ever lucky enough to have another child, they will never set foot in a nursery or a school

Hello lola - I have replied to you too!!

sigh...I just feel like I have let him down so badly....I caved in to familial and societal pressures and I am ashamed.

Wont be doing that again!!!!!

Hello all

Well, I have applied for a place at the junior school online this morning so thats that done. If I do take him out of infants and HE him he will have the option of going to juniors next september if he wants.

After a shaky start to the week (not wanting to go to school) he has had a couple of good days (!!!)

I really hope I dont want this more than he does now! Been reading some more books and have got my EO membership through and have contacted some local members so will see what happens....

Good luck!
Try and relax and enjoy!

Well done

Thank you julie!

Have had 3 replies from local home ed people so will liaise with hubby about when we can meet them....very exciting and slightly terrifying at the same time!

Thanks to everyone who has posted on this thread...I appreciate it so much.

B x

Ooh good luck Becaroo! Maybe you can take him out of school on the day a home ed group is running so you can go along and see what it's like? I have a friend who did that (and she is home educating now, but possibly only until Juniors).

Ds started school this september. He'd never been to nursery and learned to read on his own last year. I would love to consider HE, I find his school so huge and impersonal, and he is shy. Tbh, the main reason i have not considered it is I am worried about this Badman report and what it would mean for us personally. As we'd be taking him out of school, would we have more than the usual visit by an Education Officer? Are things getting more difficult for HE parents? I have no idea really what the consequences of the HE report would be, can anyone fill me in?

Hi PFAP...if you go to the top of this thread the badman report is mentioned and there are some links to follow too.

As far as I can see, the report was badly done, the info not correct and hastily acted upon, but jusge for yourself....

I have no doubt that the current govt are OBSESSED with targets and lists and reports and that things are going to get harder for HE parents unless we have a change of govt.....

I would look on the "education otherwise" website and also HEAS - they have a FAQS section which may answer your questions.

Good luck x

Ds1 already asking when the next holiday is!!!! Its only day 4 of the new term!!!! Oh dear.

Thanks Becaroo, yes I've followed it a bit and can see the report very unfair, my worry is the real effect it is going to have on HE parents....

Pofaced - The only real affect would be having to produce work, which is shit, particularly for autonomous home educators, but the first thing to do would be to find out what your LA is like. Ours is fantastic. Their response to the report was yes to registration but no to the interference Mr Badman wants. Which means that even if the law does come in, even in full, then our LA wouldn't enforce it in the way he wants. They're known to be very sympathetic to autonomous home educators and are only really concerned with making sure children don't look totally neglected or abused. They work within the current law, and don't like the potential new law.

So I don't think things would change very much for us at all - at the most I'd have to produce an educational philosophy, I think, and meet with them - I don't think they'd insist on meeting the DDs but if they did, they would be doing it with a well-informed and non-judgemental eye. We'd have to register (we're not currently known to our LA).

So why not contact local HEors - I'd be concerned if I lived somewhere where the LA operated outside of the law and were ignorant about the nature of home education.

On the other hand, I would fight tooth and nail to home educate my children, and if that meant lying and cheating to allow me to do what I think is best for my chidlren, then I would. However, I don't think even if the worst happened I'd have to do that. But I would. I'd even leave the country to be able to do it I feel that strongly about it.

Thanks Flamingo, I don't mind producing work. I just have no idea how far these recommendations are going to be taken as a licence to label HE'ers as people who need to be 'investigated' and viewed with suspicion. And i have to be sur e that I can give ds the time and challenges he needs, and the social life he enjoys too.