I'm so torn about HE, any advice or help appreciated

[sherby]

DD is due to go into reception in Sept, she will be turning 4 in June. At the moment she goes to a lovely pre-school which fully supports her coming after Sept until her 5th birthday. But I just cannot seem to make my mind up and am swinging wildly from one end to the other.

Pros

I don't think she will be old enough when in Sept to start going to school and preschool will still be perfect for her

I love the idea/ethos behind HE

If she doesn't go to school we are free to move house anywhere in our town really, but if she goes to the school then we are limited to 1/2 mile around really because I do not want to drive to drop off/pick up (we are hoping to move soon so this is relevant)

We do attend other groups outside of preschool which she loves so the social side is covered, but after 5 this would become tricky.

Cons

I am not particularly confident in my own ability patience to teach her

She wants to go to school or rather knows of the 'big' school and talks about going

I am worried that she will wonder where her friends have gone after Sept when she returns to pre-school, although she will be closer in age to the children in her group than she would be to the children in her school class.

Although we do know other people who HE we don't really know them well and I can't think of other children DD's age who are HE.

Can you tell i'm going round and round in circles here . DH is a ton of help he just said 'oh you decide'

Hi Sherby!

I've just started HE, so i'm not an expert but I would say give it a try, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain! You're right to question whether your dd is old enough to go to big school. At 4/5 children should be learning through play as they do in pre-school, that age is just too young to enforce any formal learning on her, which they will probably do as the need to reach targets becomes an increasing issue.

You shouldn't doubt your ability to teach her. All you have to do is give her plenty of encouragement, and help her to pursue her interests by providing lots of stimulus and resources. It's more important that you teach them how to access knowledge.

Like you, I wanted to HE my ds before he started school. I had no support so sent him. I have just deregistered him at the age of 7, and now it is hard work trying to get him back to the self-motivated, curious boy he was before I sent him. I look at envy with those who have never sent their dc to school!

I understand that it's not a decision that you can take willy nilly, but school is always there if things don't work out thats just IMHO.

Hopefully some of the more experienced ones will be along soon with some advice.

Good luck whatever your decision x

I am a firm H.E fan BUT, if you're that undecided can't she start at the school and see how it goes? You can always take her out if it doesn't suit her. That's the great thing about Home-edding. Nothing's set in stone and you always have the choice.
Re: "teaching" her...there are so many different ways to H.E and we all do it differently but, at your dds age it's easy peasy! Just carry on doing what you're doing for fun. You don't have to follow the NC if you choose not to.
What area are you in? There are tons of little H.E kids her age near me in Croydon.
It does help your confidence if you hook up with other families from experience. Also, I like the idea of kids of different ages making friends anyway. Adults have friends of different ages, I know I do!

You have obviously weighed things up...

Just to put your mind at rest on a few points:
I can empathise with the worrying about lack of patience. I figure that it will get easier as they get older. Now that I have made the decision to HE I feel a lot happier and more patient with my DCs

I imagine your DD talks about 'big school' because that is what she knows and what everyone says to her. When I took DS out of pre-school he kept talking about it and still calls it 'my school'. She doesn't know anything else so cannot compare.

If you start meeting up with local people who HE then your DD will have new friends and she can still play with the others after school and at weekends. It was meeting locals that helped me, whatever age they were.

The true beauty of HE is the way the children mix, whatever age they are. It has helped my DS's confidence enormously.

I hope you come to a decision that is right for you and your DD.

I HE DS who is 5. He was at nursery 5 mornings a week until last July and being 'prepared' for big school and at that stage said he wanted to go. We didn't get a place, so he couldn't go. By the time we did get a place he was going to HE groups and had made new HE friends and was generally having fun and was not impressed by the idea of having to be in school all day, so we turned it down. It was horrible making the decision, but since we've made it it's been generally lovely. I really don't 'teach'. We look at lots of books and watch DVD's and draw, garden, cook, potter, go to lots of HE groups and talk a lot. Definitely meet your local HE groups or families. It helped me to read lots of HE blogs and quite a few of the books recommended on the HE thread. If you like the idea why not do it, in the knowledge that school will still be there if it doesn't work out. It helped me to talk to someone local whose circumstances had changed and had to put her 7 yo in school. She said she adjusted really well and felt she had lots of self-confidence as a result of HE'ding.

Hi Sherby/all

can i join in? My ds is not enjoying school- bored, bullied- he is 4.5

I feel sick. i don't know what to do. i want to take him out but am so scared it's the wrong thing to do. We don't know any HE kids. Family will dissaprove.

I feel paralised. It's ridiculous i know. Can't quite bring myself to deregister as once done, that's it. Can't pop back in a few weeks and say ooh sorry it didn't work out!

Anyone else find it difficult and come out the other side?

Hi Bertolli,
I was terrified! It took me 4 years of dragging my poor dc every day to their misery.
I felt like I was letting them down big-time by sending them somewhere they hated going but overwhelmed by fear of not being able to cope with HE and all the possible stigma etc; I can honestly say that every fibre of my body resisted the idea of making them go to school but I just couldn't bring myself to go against the grain (iyswim).
The day I cracked and said "right, that's enough" (and turned the car round to take them home one morning) was the greatest day of our lives! I was scared, nervous of the LA turning up, worried about what friends/family might think etc; but nearly 4 years down the line I (and my dc) are different people.
I no longer give a monkeys behind what people think. HE is perfectly legal, we're not doing anything "wrong". It works for us and, from your post it seems you have that same instinct to get your little boy out, I have to say "go for it"!!
Take that leap..it'll be such a relief that all the other crap won't matter.
It is scary in the beginning, no doubt about that, but it will be so empowering that you will begin to rise above it.
Your other point was worrying about changing your mind..who says you can't send him back?
I know several HE kids who've gone back and there's no problem at all. People move house and change schools all the time. You might not get him back into the same one but it doesn't sound like he's very happy there anyway?
As for family, get in touch with other HE families, get books on it, show them this list etc; they'll come round but if they don't who's happiness is more important?
Good luck to you both

Great post Kayteee

Sherby,

I think you know in your heart what is best, I did too, but it is incredibly scary, before you actually hand in that de-registration letter!
Having done it though a huge weight will be lifted and you can enjoy the freedom of HE.

Join education otherwise, get along to your local group, I have found home edders to be the loveliest bunch of people!

Hi Kaytee.

Did you read the Daily Express piece?

I had doubts when I removed my son at 3 from nursery(bullying and idiot teachers)it scared the living daylights out of me.I left school completely disillusioned with the system and then became a mum at 17 so was only 20 when started this and had lots of people telling me I was a fool.
Thank goodness I did it.My son is now 14 and a great person.My dd has never been to school.
The reality with HE is that if it doesn't work out you can put the child back into the education system and thats ok to.
Why not talk to the people you do know about their experiences and see if they know anyone who has children the same age as yours I'm sure they'd help and you make a few new friends in the process.
As for doubts,just to warn,you do get these as the children grow but the children soon put them to rest and make you see how silly you were(I've learned from experience)

bertolli - if you deregistrer in my area you can go back to school anytime you want - even if its 3 weeks down the line - you sure you can't do the sam ein yuour area?

Some lovely posts here, still mulling it over

Hi all, it's so good to hear your advice and encouragement.

Thanks Kayteee. Parts of your post really resonated with me.
nomoreamover- yes i guess we could re enter system. i guess i just don't want to mess ds around you know?

There was an interesting article in Junior mag about rising amount of HEdders. Just caught my eye as wandering around Borders, wondered if it was a sign!!!

I am worried sick over it and i feel ridiculous.

If you feel your child is too young, then you can always try Home Ed & if it doesn't suit then re-enter the system.In places like Denmark they don't even start school till they are 7.
You don't need to teach as they do in school, there is so much they can learn from enjoyable activities. Baking they can learn all about measurements & fractions. Even if you don't want to bake just cutting a pizza can give them an intro into fractions.
There is so much support from forums like this & education sites etc. I use art as a basis of discussion or to lead into a project for my older ones.
If you feel you want to follow the curriculum it's available on the net. Their are loads of groups available if you are worried about association. We could be out everyday with people if we wanted to. You'll never be alone.

I think the important thing to do is to meet other home edders. Once you meet other people and find that they are normal and their children are fine, it becomes much less of a big step. If all you know is people sending children to school then it is bound to seem odd.

Most home ed groups are really welcoming and friendly and after the first few meetings you wonder what you had ever worried about.

I am in my 23rd year of home ed now, and wouldn't change a thing