New and in urgent need of advice!

[2kidzandi]

Hi! I started home-ed just before xmas with ds aged 6. It was something I had wanted to do for years. He was losing all interest and enthusiasm for learning, and in the end I was dragging him to school (I cringe 2 think I ever subjected him to that now!)

O.K. 2 things: Firstly. My son is completely off learning full stop! He appears to have no interest in anything other than wii/computer games. He dosn't want to read books (or have me read them) go to the park, or anything else. I accepted that he would need some unschooling time, and I would love to give him more time to do nothing, but we don't have the luxury due to expectations of others-including his father, who was rather skeptical and needs "proof" that he's learning. (i'm a single parent so this expectation is increased by 1000x)
My son and I are clashing because of his resistance, and I am starting to doubt myself.

1. EVERYONE is negative to my decision with the exception of 1 friend. A very confrontational librarian actually told me that my son was too young to be he'd, and asked if I was qualified to teach him! After a tough day with ds I was almost in tears afterwards.

I don't know of any groups nearby. Groups on Eo list appear to be further out.

Any advice would be welcome,sorry this message is so long!

wow, it sounds tough. Hang in there. I don't have any experience sorry, but am bumping in the hope that one of the many experienced and wonderful HEing mums will pop in soon.

Try to remember why you started this in the first place, and why you knew it would be best for your DS. Keep confident - you know him best (although it must be so hard when everyone around is doubting you )

Hi there!
I'd say relax! It's really early days. My 2 boys were exactly the same when they came out of school over 3 yrs ago. Just enjoy your new found freedom together. It's quite common for them to reject the "schooly" ways of learning. I kid you not, my youngest (now 8) taught himself to read by playing on World of Warcraft! He absolutely wouldn't read a book of any sort. There's a good book called "Teach Your Own" by John Holt which is very useful for you to read. It will arm you with some research which you could present to any potential skeptical types ;)
I'd let him chill out for a while tbh.
You could also mention to ds dad that my ds dad works for the DCSF and was awfully skeptical in the beginning but now thinks it was a great idea!
btw that Librarian is an eejit
p.s roughly where are you?

dashing out to work any second-but wanted to suggest you get yourself some more moarl support
How about joining the Single Parents HE list
and the Early Years support list?
They will both have advise for you I know-including how to deal with ex partner.

I'll be back later but HAVE to go now and late!

I think that you do not need to justify yourself to your ex partner. If he needs 'proof' then he ought to take your son to eg the museum, places of interest etc ?

It is not the end of the world when they refuse to knuckle down, so to speak, and they soon become bored playing games (on wii).

Ignore the attitude of the librarian - too many people have negative opinions about home ed and he/she sounds typical but it is really none of their business.

Good luck with H.E. and keep strong. It will get easier.

Thanks for all your advice, I feel better already!

I think the problem is that I was looking forward to HEing DS so much, imagining that he would quickly return to his curious and lively self again after the negative impact that schooling had on his emotions and love of learning, that I really didn't expect him to be so "switched off". All the other experiences I had read and researched about seemed to describe children that took to HE like ducks to water! Kaytee, You're right, and I will try to relax! (breathe) I think that I have become overly self concious because of the doubts of friends and family, and I was starting to feel pressured. (It doesn't help that my Aunt is a teacher and keeps ringing up to give me "suggestions and advice"). I also haven't had the all important LA visit yet, and was anxious about providing "proof of learning"

DS tells me (in his own words) that "all school did mummy was make me stressed stressed stressed, and bored bored bored!" (ironic, since every suggestion I make is also greeted with that same said word!)
But he insists that he never wants to go back to school. So I know i'm doing the right thing. I'm also obviously going to have to develop a much thicker skin, especially when I visit the library!

Any suggestions as to how I help re-ignite his passion for learning without being a pushy mum would be great too!

I feel really encouraged to continue, so thanks all of you! I will apply all your advice.

PS I live in Southwark, London, so if anyone knows of any local groups it would be appreciated! Thanks alot.

Firstly, did you know that you don't HAVE to accept a "visit" from LA? We have refused visits as we feel it would be intrusive and prefer not to show examples or jump through any hoops that they feel so inclined to try and make Homeedders do in some boroughs. It's a personal thing really, some families don't mind being "monitored" but I'd think about it for a while. If they do contact you (and you don't feel ready to have a confrontation or are just unsure) the best thing, imo, is to politely say that you need some time (at least 6 months) to decide which style of education you are going to choose. Say that they are quite welcome to write to you after then but ALWAYS get them to put anything in writing. They often misquote the law in an attempt to "gain entry" so it's good to ask them to quote, in writing, which sections of the law they are referring to. It's amazing how they backtrack if you put 'em on the spot ;)
Wrt the library, you should be confident to go there. You are entitled to claim a HomeEd
library ticket...so you can take out more books! Although my library didn't have a clue about that one, surprisingly.

How to reignite passion for learning?

Time.

Space.

No pushing.

Trying to squash your pre-conceived ideas of what learning looks like and what sorts of activities are educational.

Just help him do what he wants to do, whether that's Wii or Nintendo or whatever, and watch his interests gradually expand as he recovers.

Thanks, onwardandupward, will try that (i'll probably find it harder than he will) Kaytee, you don't want a Home-edders library card. I asked for one and had to submit my email address to the library so that they could contact the Head of Childrens Services! She sent an email and said that I would have to be registered with the local education autority, and provide my name and my son's too. If I was "on her list" she could give me one too. Maybe I got the wrong end of the stick, but it seems like a lot of trouble to go through
Better off increasing the frequency of your library visits perhaps!

Hi sending lots of sympathy. It's v hard to feel so isolated. Best advice I can give is to make getting out there and meeting other he'ers a priority (which sounds like you are trying to do).
I didn't get very far meeting people through EO, but joined South London Home Education yahoo group and Central London Home Education google group (and some other local ones, but these are prob the ones relevant to you) and you should find something going on that you want to get involved with. There are some groups that meet every week and do shared craft type activities (or studying for older ones). The parks group meets every week and I think there's also a museum group. There are usually trips to art galleries or museums etc posted on there and maybe that's the kind of thing he'd be into doing as they are usually unpressured, but it tends to impress relatives if a child says they've been on a Roman investigation trip or some such (not that you should have to impress relatives).
I second getting on the Early Years list as well, there was a good list of websites posted on there recently and maybe you'll find he's happy to do something like investigate a skeleton and won't see it as 'work'.
Hope you are able to find some local HE'ers. (I found it hard to find the CLHE group and had to get someone to post me a link, so let me know if you have problems)

erm, this isn't common knowledge but...

What I do when my ex is asking too much about what DD is doing education wise (she's actually only 3 still, but he's into the idea she's a child genius but even if she was that's no reason to push her into formal stuff instead of playing and experimenting) is think about what I what to do and haven't got round to yet. Then while DD is playing I get whatever this is out; it might be craft stuff, or anatomy books at the moment. Then I sit get on with it. Sometimes DD comes and joins me, sometimes she doesn't. Then when he asks again I tell him 'well, on Tuesday we had XXX out ALL day' and neglect to mention that I did it rather than DD.

I don't feel bad about willfully participating in a campaign of misinformation because I think that children seeing other people enjoying learning for its own sake is as important a lesson as anything else we try to teach them.

re the campaign of misinformation, that is such a great idea! I will try that one. Sounds like a chilled out version of 'strewing' which Sandra Dodds mentions in her website.

2kidz About reigniting the passion for learning, just trust it is right there and is reigniting iself freely in your child. You don't have to make it happen. Look for the different levels and characters in the computer games, chat about them or ask questions. Mind you some children might not like to be asked. Sit and read your book. knit!, mumsnet...nearby so you can make an intelligent comment like wow, how did you do that move when he does something new.

BTW my 11 yr old is glued to his new computer game. He is so pleased to be progressing through the different levels. We do a victory dance when he gets higher, purely because he's so pleased.

Definitely encourage your ex to take your son out to do special stuff they both enjoy. Hugely helpful on loads of levels if it is possible.

When I was a family lawyer I had a period of representing a lot of HErs ( word gets around )...many of whom were single Mums whose exHs were insisting HE wasn't working.
I found that if you went through someone's day hour by hour they'd often done a lot more than they thought.Cooking, chatting, gardening etc are all perfectly acceptable forms of education.
I would also second the suggestion that days out are a great way for education to be 'seen'. No-one can argue with a day spent in the Science Museum. And in your position in London you have an endless supply of great days and activities many of which are free.
Contrary to popular opinion I always found the courts very open minded about HE and they only ever found in favour of the opposing parent if it was obvious that the HEing parent was really doing bugger all.

Thanks once again for all your help and advice. You're all so lovely! Lillyfire thanks for your help, but I can't seem to find the two groups (South London Home Education and Central London Home Education. could you send me a link?) I heard of a local group that meet in one the libraries local to me, but in order to join I apparently have to see the Head of childrens services Not sure i'm ready for that. I have decided, based on the advice given, to try a more relaxed approach with ds tomorrow, and concentrate on keeping the dialogue going and maybe just go for a short outing, instead of trying to insist that he do anything remotely formal just yet. And I can see that my ds is not alone in wanting to play computer games all day. Hopefully things will go more smoothly from now on.

ps
anastaisia, thanks for that. I shall try it!

Hello,

I am hoping that I might find some London families who are interested in reducing the cost and parental time commitment of home education whilst also increasing the opportunity for friendships/socialising by pooling resources (ie. communal/cooperative home education, sharing the cost of tutor(s), helping to educate/have fun with each other's children). Sorry about that long sentence!

I'm a single, working parent living in Camden, London, with a 7 year old daughter who currently goes to private school.

If any of this is of interest to you, please contact me!

PS We go to Bermondsey every Sunday when we're not on holiday - so would be happy to meet up with anyone south of the river...