Would your child rather go to school

[HSMM]

My DD9 has complained about being at school (when she wants to be at home) ever since she started. I am just starting to realise (I'm a bit slow) that I could have given her a broad and valuable primary education. Over Christmas she started the usual moans about going back to school, so I said "You don't have to. You can stay at home and I'll teach you." - imagine her face. She did a complete about turn and decided she wanted to go back to school!

Mine definitely don't want to go to school - they tell me so on a regular basis.

BTW, do you mean your DD who is 9 years old? Or is she really your ninth daughter???

Some of mine don't want to go to school so they don't.
Some do want to go to school so they do.

9 years old. I will be reviewing the decision frequently over the next year, because I am just staggered at how little she has learned at Primary School (she is doing really well ... but I have also been teaching her at home!!!). As I said, I'm a bit slow and should have realised this much earlier.

Did you ask her why she preferred the school option?

I have no real reason for asking-just curious when she moans such a lot.

I am a fan of home ed, and would home ed my ds 6 if i had my way, but we thought we would give him the choice of school, so enrolled him 2007. He loves it, i have spoken to him about home ed but he wants to stay at school. Thats fine by us, i just have to regularly bite my lips with his teachers, as our views def differ!!! if school ever does become an issue for him we would home school without a doubt. He is fully aware of this as we believe in independent informed choice, even if i don't agree with his decision!

She wanted to go back to school, because all her friends are there

My youngest never wanted to go to school. It was mostly a battle right through until we took her out at the start of year 4. Occasionally she talks about returning for a term of year 6 to finish off (she's year 5 now) and if she seriously wanted to, I'd let her.

Eldest always loved school when she was young, mainly for the social side - she never thought much of the work! But as she got older and the social side got more bitchy and competitive, and there got less time to chat to/ play with friends, she began to like it less. By year 7 she was keen to leave. Now she says she never, ever wants to return to school. She sees her school friends out of school hours and has made lots of home ed friends, so she can't see a reason ever to return.

Dd was struggling at school because of her disability and ill health, which meant she was always exhausted, so I told her that I could quite legally teach her at home and that this is not unusual for children with her condition.

She pointed out that she is somebody who really wants the daily experience of having lots of friends around, and that if she can only just manage to get to school and cope with a school day, then she is hardly going to be fit enough to travel around the country on public transport to find HE peers (I can't drive, we have no car and there are no HEs in our local community). Point taken.

Other children with her condition or similar do often seem to end up isolated and lonely, so for her school is a better alternative even if it does make her body ache.

I suppose that the advantage with school is that you do get to see the same friends every day.

My older son 13 is keen on school, so he is still there! He has discussed Home Education at secondary with a friend of his who was home ed until yr 7. They both agreed they'd get a better education at school (!!), cheeky monkeys. He enjoys the breakfast, the chat, the larking around on mobiles and laptops, the ICT department...His spelling and handwriting skills are lower than my second son who is only just 11.

My younger son was desperate to leave his primary so eventually we took him out. He is intent on going to one particular secondary for yr 7. So we shall see how that goes.

"I suppose that the advantage with school is that you do get to see the same friends every day. "

Depends on the set up. Some HE families do HE in groups, or have regular, even daily activities with the same families.

We don't see the same families daily but probably see the same 3 or so families 3 times a week, plus on top of that activities and groups where we see a wider mix of people.

I think what you are saying is that you want to take her out but she is worried about the social side.

If so-well she probably hasn't got much of a conception of how home education would work, most people haven't. Why not get in touch with your local HE groups (pretty easy to find but shout on here if you have any problems) and take her along to a few meetings (a few is best, they can be overwhelming at first!).

It seems quite reasonable to me that she would want to go to school if her friends are there, actually. I once worried about leaving work for much the same reason. I am not sure that I'd let a 9 year old make the decision entirely though, if you honestly feel that it would be in her overall best interests to take her out, then I would do so.

Actually in your exact situation I'd consider flexo-schooling, which is where she is in school for a few hours a day/week. Then she'd get the social side and you'd get to teach her at home. You do have to follow the NC but aside from the fact that its the sort of stuff that even a family that didn't teach would be doing anyway, it sounds as though you teach her, so could presumably follow the NC without a philosophical meltdown.

I think it's very much about individual circumstances and personality.

I have not particularly enjoyed working at home because I like having lots of colleagues around and preferably the same people every day. Dd seems to be the same, but not everybody is.

Also, about individual circumstances: if there are other HE children around or if you can easily get to a group, that would make a difference.

Also, about how much your children feel they need to be away from you to gain independence. Dd felt school was an advantage as we are very close and she needed a chance to find herself in an environment where I was not involved. But again, that wouldn't apply to every family.

Your comments have all been really helpful. I have joined Education Otherwise in anticipation. I now feel comfortable educating my DD at home and I will monitor the situation on an ongoing basis. It will ultimately be my decision, but I will take her thoughts into account.

I took my son out of primary at the beginning of year 5, because I was concerned about the numbers of disruptive pupils in his class, and that he didn't seem to be doing much work. He also constantly complained about being bored. After removing the time spent for assembly, PE, breaks and lining up, I worked out that he was receiving about 3 hours worth of tuition daily.

So that's what we did together in a really informal way, and had a wonderful couple of years going on trips, watching films, listening to music and talking about all and sundry. His school friends knocked for him to play out after they had finished their school day so he was never short of friends his own age.

The most important thing for me is that over the two years he had at home, he developed a real love of reading, which I doubt would have happened had he continued at school at that time.

It was always made clear that he would have to go secondary school, and although I know he would prefer to stay at home, he goes off reasonably happily, having scored really highly on the CAT test on his first day, and having already read all the Year 7 books on the reading list.

Go for it - you won't regret it.

I always think flexi-schooling gives you the worst of both worlds, unless they are going into school purely for the lessons and are not interested in the social side. It would seem better to me to commit to one or the other, and put all energies into it rather than sit on the fence.
My nephew was HEd from the age of 6yrs. Later on he went into secondary for specific lessons, he got on OK, but the social side was difficult because he missed so much. He made contacts with those in the lessons, but he didn't know their friends and it isolated him. After two years of doing that he went full time and has made a hugh difference to him because he now has really good friends, purely because he isn't missing anything.
I think it depends, as cory says, on circumstances and personality. My very best friend in life is one that I met at 11 and we were always together through school, my mother never really liked her (although she has agreed that she has improved with age)so I don't think she would have fostered the relationship, if she had had her way! I certainly appreciated doing my own thing, away from family.
Probably your DS got the best of both worlds, malovitt, by learning at home but having close contact with school friends.
If you have a very outgoing DC it probably doesn't matter as they will get on with anyone; the shy will need more help-whether through school or HE groups.

eh? Flexi schooling isn't sitting on the fence. That is like saying "oh well if they are going to school they need to go to breakfast clubs and afterschool clubs and everything to get the full experience.". Its just another option really, and in parenting and education, nothing is ever clear cut, whatever you choose will be somehow imperfect.

I know families who flexi school or otherwise mix school and HE VERY sucessfully. They go to HE groups and meet ups, and use school as well. It can work brilliantly, depending on the child, the family, and the school. I suppose in outlook they are HErs more than schoolers-but then they are those who have chosen to involve themselves in the HE scene, perhaps there are flexischoolers locally who stay away from HE stuff and so I don't know them!

I'd love us not to be forced into these either/or choices with education-I really wish we could just dip in and out of the education system, rather than having to make a bit now and forever (well this academic year) decision to HE OR send them to school.

I don't pretend to know what it is like for everyone, I just know that although it was good for my nephew, academically, just doing the 3 subjects he wanted to do -he found it very difficult socially because he simply wasn't there when the others were forging friendships. He got left out a lot, not intentionally but a good proportion of the pupils didn't know he existed. I think it is fine if you want to take advantage of the teaching but socially it creates difficulties-perhaps if you are a very extrovert character it doesn't. It is like a DC going home for lunch everyday, it may have its advantages but they are not there at the main time for making friendships.

sorry pisces I didn't quite read your post as saying that he struggled due to the flexi-schooling, I thought it was the HE in general. My mistake.

I can absolutely see that for some, maybe most, kids that could cause a problem, definately. Am thinking though that that wouldn't be a problem if the relationships were established-this would be more a way to keep those friendships while also getting some homeschooling in . But mainly, it might be a way of HSMM and her daughter dipping their toes in the water.