Considering home education for 13-year-old struggling badly with school and anxiety

[Mummamel]

Hi, DD is 13 and is having real trouble with school. She hates school and cries every single day. She is socially excluded by her peers and shes not bullied as such, but doesn’t fit in and doesn’t have any friends and spends every lunch break in the toilets on her own. I have approached her form tutor numerous times about this issue and DD hates me more every time I do because she believes it makes her form tutor ‘hate’ her and avoid her. I’ve been toying with the idea of home education because her predicted grades are 1’s and 2’s anyway, but I’m a completely solo parent and have to work full time. I just don’t know how I can home educate her full time and work full time and solo parent full time I am also going back to study part time myself. I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place because school is having a severely negative impact on her mental health but I don’t know if being isolated at home on her own all the time would make it any better. She has severe social anxiety and is almost completely mute around other people including other family members and we just never get any support from the school. Any home educators had the same problems and made it work? Or any recommendations on what I should do?

Not sure about your finances or where you live but maybe she needs a different school.There is not a one size fits all approach. Also home ed will be very hard on you, although I gather there are amazing resources, it is a full time job

Can you work from home? We signed DD up for an online school at a similar age in similar circumstances. She had to be really disciplined and self motivated but came out with 5 GCSEs (although she had to resit maths at college). It helped I was around at home (although working) so she wasn’t on her own. She found college much easier than school.

Ai ai. I am so sorry.

I want to give you some hope from experience. I’ve worked with young people who are partially or fully nonverbal, including those with severe social anxiety and selective mutism. I myself have social anxiety. Even when they can’t speak, they are still communicating. Maybe through body language, eye contact or the lack thereof, routines, resistance, interests, or even what they avoid. I’ve seen young people go from complete shutdown to expressing preferences, making bold choices, standing up for themselves, gaining skills, and finding their voice along the way.

Right now, your daughter might feel so overwhelmed that she’s lost sight of what she even likes or wants. That happens. When everything feels unsafe, the brain just goes into survival mode. Underneath that, she still has interests, curiosity, and goals, even if they feel very far away at the moment. The key is gently rebuilding that through choice. Small choices at first. What she wants to watch, create, explore, learn about. Then bigger ones over time.

You don't have to be the home educator and the parent. You can be the parent and hire someone to support with the home education. Please look into Off Da Beaten Path Learning LLC, my tiny business. It’s not just about education, it’s empowerment through choice. We focus on helping young people reconnect with themselves, their interests, and their sense of control. From there, confidence, creativity, and independence start to grow naturally. For many, especially those who are shut down in school, finding joy and power is the turning point.

We work both in person and virtually, worldwide, so geography hasn't usually been a barrier. I’ve been an alternative educator since 2010 and have a Bachelor’s and Master’s in community education, and this work is very much built around supporting young people who don’t fit traditional systems.
Please reach out. Learn more and, if you'd like, schedule a time to discuss if this program would be a good fit for her: www.offdabeatenpath.com - Dominique