Considering home education for an anxious 13-year-old while working alone

[sugardust90]

Hi everyone I'm looking for some advice.

Recently my 13 year old son is not having a good time at school at all. He absolutely hates going to school and gets upset at the thought and very anxious. I've had in depth chats with him about why and there's no rhyme or reason, he just hates it. It goes beyond typical unmotivated teenager just not wanting to get out of bed. He's not getting bullied or bothered and has his small friend group but like I say just can't deal with it.

I work as a carer and am a single parent. It's just an awful worry when I leave for work and know he's going to school absolutely dreading his day.

He brought up home education to me which I personally have never thought about as it terrifies me. So I pondered it and done a bit of Google research but really I'm just looking for some experience in this and how you managed it if at all! Honestly I can't imagine doing it but the way things are with him now I'm considering it ever so slightly.

So has anyone particularly single mums gone through or going through this while working? How is it socially? I worry he'd miss out on socialising it's already hard enough with teenagers being in front of a screen half the time!

Any advice or experience is welcome!
Thanks

When is his birthday? Not that it helps in the short term, but if he hates school then leaving after 4th year and going to college could be an option. One of my friend’s DC left school at 14 to go to college as she was absolutely refusing school, i don’t know the ins and outs but it’s shows that there are options.

Both my DC left school as soon as they could as both hated it and had bad anxiety. They carried on their education at college. It wasn’t easy, they school years, but getting out the school best thing both of them did and they have both bloomed since then. One is doing performing arts, and the other is at an RG uni.

Yes I'm Scotland he's S2! He loved S1 absolutely no issues but S2 has been a struggle. I don't know if it's a mixture of hormones and schoolwork that's overwhelming him. I've talked to him countless times about this and I don't see to get anywhere or any deeper other than he hates it. Someone mentioned a child planning meeting which I am going to ask for ASAP as this can't go on. I leave for work in the morning worrying about him and it's just not a nice feeling everyone wants their kids to be happy. But yes the school absolutely needs to do more.

I also agree with a pp, if there’s a chance he could be asd then please ignore the advice to keep pushing him, it can lead to further anxiety, and burnout! I’ve got a son with asd and it’s a fine line between pushing what I think he can manage with support and knowing when he’s reached his limit!

You email the deputy head or whoever has responsibility for your son’s year group and request a ‘child planning meeting’ stating the reasons you have outlined. If the school are not responsive you can then go council level but I would hope that they would be once you make clear how severe it is and how he wants to leave school.

I think it can be hard to pinpoint the cause of anxiety sometimes. When I was at school all I knew was that I felt scared when I was walking through the corridors and felt nervous when put on the spot. Nobody spoke of anxiety sometimes I didn’t even know I had it till mid 30s and then realised it was social anxiety.

Thankfully we are more educated on these things now in schools.

He will be 14 in September. He loved school all the way up until S1 (I'm in Scotland) S2 seems to have been a big change and I'm not sure why. He's adamant he's leaving school when he's 16. I keep telling him he doesn't have long to go. I hate knowing he hates it so much. We all want our kids to be happy but as always being a parent you cross one hurdle then there's another 🤦🏼‍♀️ this whole comment sections been really helpful and as much as it was about homeschooling it's not something I think I could do but I've managed to come away with some really helpful advice.

I was thinking exactly the same thing whilst reading all the ‘make him push through it’ advice. You need to understand what’s really going on with him. If he is neurodiverse, just making him carry on might not be an option. I’ve said this before on here, a young autistic relative committed suicide whilst in education. Not everything is a success story where people become functioning adults. You just don’t hear the alternative.

Exactly this. And not everybody will get a job that a school setting is required to prepare them for. There are many workplaces and life paths out there and knowing what works and doesn’t work for him will help him make good choices.

I was the same, I cried most of my first year in high school lol. But this seems to have come on quite suddenly not long after starting his 2nd year at high school. Don't know why! But it's here and I need to deal with it. I will do just that contact the head of his year and his pastoral care teacher and ask for this meeting. I emailed them a few weeks before Easter holidays and didn't even get a response which is poor. He attends one of the supposed best high schools in Scotland which is even more surprising and clearly doesn't mean anything! I also don't think he even knows he has anxiety and I've never mentioned anxiety to him as I don't want him to feed on it or make it worse for himself until I try get to the bottom of this. You've been so helpful thank you

I'm so sorry you lost a relative in this way 😔 that's absolutely awful. I personally don't think he's neuro divergent. I only say that because I've never had any signs from him that he is. This has all come on so suddenly as he loved school up until a few months ago however I'm not ignoring the fact that sometimes making someone push through something isn't the correct way

Aw- I was the same. Hid in the toilets for about a year:(.

Really hope your son gets some support from his school soon. Sometimes you need to be persistent. They should have systems in place to support pupils with this, you just need to make him a priority for them.

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/anxiety/

Thank you so much 😊 I'm so glad I posted on here I feel a bit better now about all this

Can you afford to pay for private counselling for him? Just on a financial basis it might be cheaper than paying for private GCSEs!

I would also want to consider whether there is some neurodivergency. Or at least help coping with anxiety. Would you consider medication? As an anxiety sufferer, believe me I tried EVERYTHING and the only thing that has worked is medication.

Is there a 14-19 study programme at a local further education centre? They are absolutely brilliant, small classes and very sympathetic x could your son be worried about the GCSEs coming up?

Have you investigated other schools? (Thoroughly, neighbouring areas, etc). I think I'd try a school change before withdrawing him completely. I don't know about Scotland but in England schools will usually let you do a trial day.

I think it’s really important to work out where all these anxieties come from so please get him help with that. Homeschooling alone will do nothing to help his anxieties.

I've read on here that Year 9 is the crunch point in England and I think S2 has similar issues here.

Behaviour gets worse across the cohort now they are no longer the youngest and general chaos increases. He'll be starting to tailor subject choices for S3 so that may help a bit.

Get a meeting scheduled with guidance and help him work out strategies to get to the end of the year. It's really not far away. At our school they move up a year as soon as S1 transition starts in June so it is a matter of weeks before he's past the halfway stage of school and end of June for summer holidays.

He'll grow up as well - frightening how fast they change at this age so you don't want to be taking such extreme decisions while everything is in a period of change.

AI can be very helpful in working out your thoughts as it suggests bullet pointed questions etc to take forward to school which can be helpful in getting the most out of any meetings.

Dear OP, you sound like a very caring, sensible and supportive parent. I'm sorry you and your son are experiencing difficulties at the moment with your son's currently unhappy school experience. You are clearly intending to follow the helpfully specific advice from other PPs about how to approach the school. Good luck with it and I hope the school will start to take proper notice when they realise you won't be fobbed off.

I was just wondering whether it might help, if you could afford it, for your son to have a weekly hour of private tutoring in subject he's less confident in. Rather than counselling - which doesn't always "take" with teenagers. A subject tutor, preferably male, might give him a source of support and possibly be a bit of a confidante and role model.

All the very best to you.

This sounds incredibly hard, and I really feel for you. What stood out to me in your post is how clearly you’ve listened to your son and taken his feelings seriously — that matters more than anything.
I’ve seen (both personally and through friends) that some children reach a point where school itself becomes overwhelming, even when there’s no obvious bullying or single cause. The constant pressure, noise, expectations, and lack of control can build up quietly until it feels unbearable. It doesn’t mean they’re weak or avoiding life — often they’re just completely overloaded.
Home education doesn’t have to mean recreating school at home, which is something that terrifies a lot of parents (understandably). Many families find it works best when it’s more flexible, paced around the child, and focused on rebuilding confidence first rather than “keeping up”. Socially, a lot of home‑educated children actually do very well through clubs, groups, and shared interests — sometimes better than they did in school, because the interactions are calmer and more choice‑based.
I also know single parents who’ve made it work while working — not perfectly, but sustainably — by leaning on part‑time structures, community groups, and external support rather than trying to do everything themselves.
One thing that helped a friend of mine whose child struggled at a similar age was finding supportive, low‑pressure creative spaces outside of school. Her child wasn’t “academic” at that point, but creativity became a way back into learning and confidence. She actually tried a free taster session at Start Creative Gym at some point, which helped her child feel capable again without pressure — it wasn’t a magic fix, but it was a really gentle starting point.
Whatever you decide, you’re not overreacting, and you’re not alone in feeling unsure. Taking time to explore options — even just to relieve the immediate distress — can make a huge difference. You’re clearly a very caring parent, and your son is lucky to have you advocating for him.