Just had a meeting with Ds's school - why do I feel like an 8 year old again??

[Flllight]

I really honestly do. There were two teachers (one I'd never met) and a senco, as he has been off this term because of much tiredness (and it's done him a lot of good!)

I wasn't sure about dereg.ing or giving it another try in the Autumn...so they said come up and we'll discuss a schedule of re-integration, to support him back into the whole thing or he'll find it a big shock.

All well and good, but I sat there being pretty much ignored, while they discussed among themselves a schedule of mornings and afternoons during the next few weeks when he could go and join in. (He was in with his old class during this meeting)

They have got him down for between two and four sessions a week till the end of term.
This would not be so bad except that as I told them, we are currently moving house and this is proving a big deal for Ds already. Starting school again at this juncture is possibly really a bad idea.

They probably think I am making excuse after excuse, am thick, have no concept of sticking at things etc etc... but although I nodded a lot and tried to look enthusiastic, I still felt herded and bulldozed into agreeing to somthing I am not sure is right for him.

I said I would see how he got on and we could review it as we go, but they were talking to me like I didn't have a clue and school was right and I was wrong etc.

He had a nice time seeing his lickle friends, lots of hugging and boy -bonding but afterwards he said 'Is that it, I really never want to come here again'.
I was amazed as I thought he was loving it.

Maybe he will feel better about it when he ha s had a sleep tonight. I just feel more convinced that school is something I never did, and never will, feel comfortable with. They were so bossy!

Thanks for reading...

They do sound really insulting - as if they of course know far better than a mere mother - after all, what qualifications do you have?

If he doesn't want to go back, and you don't want to send him, i don't see what the point of all this reintegration is to be honest.

Yes, tis guilt. he gets lonely I admit - and a bit bored - but he got bored at school too.

I have a mother who insists I'm doing him a great disservice by even considering HE...almost amounting to abuse...

I do want to avoid the weekday scenario where he is hanging around at the front gate trying to engage strangers in conversation
I think I need to find him some clubs or groups to go to. That would solve it probably. I really struggle socially so it's quite hard.

He said in reply to 'why don't you want to come again, I thought you liked playing today?'

'I don't belong here any more'.

Very true, though he could belong again, but I wonder if I am living through him...instilling the same social fear and depression I experienced at that age.

Hi Flight.

Is the school over-subscribed?

If not, why don't you dereg him for now, and give home ed a full-time go for a while.

Get DS booked in for some summer clubs, and maybe Beavers or something similar for term time.

Have you met any local HE families?

Meeting up with other people who HE is great for taking away that underlying feeling of panic about the responsibility of it all.

You can always phone the school and send DS back in a few months, or a few years, whatever.

No decision has to be final and for ever.

Thanks mate

You are calming me down.

It is very oversubscribed, and isn't a bad school as they go - v. traditional though and very, very patronising...! 'Once he is here, he is ours' type attitude.

I might just bite the bullet and join a group. I think it would help a lot.

Are schools all like this??

It was all I could do not to get up and run for it. Really.

Hi Flllight. Where are you? I wonder if there are any MNers who home ed near you. Maybe it would be easier to meet up with one or two people before having to brave a big group (I know I feel like that.) There's also the Yahoo Early Years HE forum - I met some local HEing families through that. Someone cleverer than me might be able to link to it?? Our local HE group (Cambs) also has its own forum, I expect many do, so you can contact individuals who live near to you and meet them first if it helps.
Wishing you lots of luck. We first decided to HE our 4 year old who is due to start school in Sept because we can invisage the same sort of tiredness/ not readyness that you have found. However, the more we find out the more likely it seems we will stick at HE for the longer term...

the way that school spoke to you rather than consulting *withyou is wrong

however your boy doesn't belong there any more becuase he wasn't been there fr a time

if he enjoys it - i fail to see the problem, i fearthis migt have more to do with you than him

Thanks Jolly. I'm in Kent...I think there are a few near here. I'll investigate - I think it would take the pressure off a bit.

Custy I bow to your honesty on many things. I have been wondering exactly that - is this about me, or him? Would he be just fine if I could only stop feeling so shit about it, and him picking up on this??

I honestly, honestly don't know.

I feel like Alice through the looking glass - I try hard to walk in the right direction with him but always end up walking back to the glass...it's horrid. I wish I knew objectively what is RIGHT for him.

Teachers ganging up like today (disapproving glances between them, 3 against 1, ignoring my comments) just sets me right back at square one.

Jolly - did you like school? What has made you feel more convinced HE is right for your LO? Please tell me as it might help!

(no need for hard hat btw! Am I one of those scary bitches? )

my son was doing no so well academically - but rather well socially and there was a point where i considered whether i should HE him part time - i mean this is a real option - i don't think it has to be one or the other

i also think there is lots of pressure on us as mothers to chat to other mums(shudder) at the school gate - so if ou dont want to then don't. i never did ( i was rushing off to Uni or work though)

i think your idea regards social clubs for your child is an excellent one - scouts or something - again though - they expect parent help (shudder) i personally would try and ind something that i didn't have to help supervise other peoples little darlings - i can't think of anything errrrr
errrrr nope i'm stuck.

Waves frantically

Flllight

Where in Kent are you??!!!!

Please please go here www.ukhome-educators.co.uk

Please please buy the FINANCIAL TIMES MAGAZINE ON SUNDAY!!!!!

You can see pictures of us all in an 8 page spread!!! (hopefully!!!)

Is there some issue with funding? Do the schools want him in this term because of funding issues?

A few!!!!

There are 150 families at least that I know of!!!!

We are lovely and very friendly, about 20 kids today did a day of bungee trampolining, archery and crate building at a guide camp in East Grinstead.
I help to run a HE social group in Hayes near Bromley, that is where some of the pictures featured in the FT mag were taken.

Bean I will buy it, glad you reminded me! Now you can sit down and stop jumping up and down.

I'm East kent, think you are up nearer Londres? But there's some near us I am sure. Thankyou for linky

Custy, same here, he won't write or read - not interested - but likes taking things to bits. He loves the other kids but there are too many - a bit noisy and overwhelming. Class is 31.

He struggles with being told what to do, a point the 3 witches thoroughly failed to grasp and got all defensive about (It's all geared for their age, we don't make them do sums all day' etc etc)

As a boy he has a natural impulse to lead. He can't repress this all day to sit on the mat and do what they say. (Or what I say!!)

Also we thought it would be great to get him prepped and to join in at sports day, as he is very physical. I suggested this afterwards to him, and he refused saying 'But mum, I wont win the race'

He so needs to win everything.
He can't deal with being just one of a million little kids. I wonder if this is very common or something I've mucked up?

Runnerbean

Do you have any contact details?

Oops x posted there! 150??? Wowee!

Ok, will get started then. Once the social thing is better I think mum might ease up on me.

She also thinks he needs something 'other' than me, like another place where I am not. Why would that be important at age five? She studied child psych. so I am worried I'm missing something.

fliight

ok am I right

the problems are:

a. socialisation

b. you are not sure if it about you or him

ok. you probably DO need to join a group if you think he is lonely. round here there are about 5 groups in easy riving distance, it is very possible and common to pick and choose (I am guessing this is quite common, kent is prob better). as custy says there is also scouts etc. Though there is a bit of a gap for 5 yos in terms of activities.

re who is it about, you or him. I think every HE worriesa little about this, because our decisions are based on our experiemces. If you send him though-will you end up with a nagging doubt that HE was best and you wish you'd tried it? It is so much easier to HE pre 7 I suspect.

What does HE want to do? With my kids, I tend to do what they want to do if possible. They cam always go back into school in a few years. Esp as in a lotof countries, kids don't start til 6 or later.

Filly you've been an endless listener and support through this.

I'm really grateful.

I guess you're right, that other places don't start till 6/7 - what do their 5yo's do for friends, usually? Is it Kindy etc, or less structured?

I will think long and hard about this all tonight. (again)

I hate to think he might turn round one day and say 'you should have let me go to school' or 'you wanted me to hate it' but also, 'mum you shouldn't have sent me'.

I wish I knew. Thanks for reassuring me though

Do your children tell you what they prefer? Mine changes his mind frequently!! It wouldn't be practical to chop & change every week, school would hate me even more!

critterjitter do you want contact details for Kent?
Click on my link above.

I'll try to answer your question...(bit long and waffly, sorry) I did enjoy school most of the time, & although there were one or two periods when I didn't they don't feel foremost in my mind when I think back so I don't think they're influencing my feelings.
First of all I really just feel that at 4 1/2 he will not be ready in loads of ways - physical/tiredness, emotionally not ready to be away from me, concentration/following instructions, socially(he hates big group things). I think that just because the government/system/whatever has decided that children should be ready by then, I know him best and know he isn't.
Secondly, and the reason we are now thinking about it longer term, is that I love the idea of the freedom to learn at your own pace, & about what interests you most. I don't like the idea of him being forced to try to learn things he's not ready for (like maybe reading/writing or independence skills) or in a way that just doesn't click with him & then have him feeling a failure because he isn't meeting some national target.
At the moment he's madly curious about everything and asks none stop questions (exhausting at times...) and is certainly learning lots and lots & I don't want that to stop and for him to get turned off learning.
Also socially, at least at the moment, he is SO much happier in small groups, that I think he will develop much more confidently if he is allowed to carry on that way.
For all of those reasons it makes sense to try HE to start with. I do have jitters though, especially now all the children his age are preparing to start school. But I would panic more at the thought of sending him in Sept. It helps that he doesn't want to go - and if he suddenly decides that he does then we'll have to decide what to do.

Yes, that is a great help, thankyou

Very reassuring to hear that you liked school, so it is possible to think these things about our own children from an objective standpoint...you don't sound like a crazed lunatic, which my mother would have me believe I am!

Mine says tonight that maybe he'll go in a few years...will keep talking and winging it I suppose.

Thanks again for all the support. Thank God for MN.

Flllight,

There is a large HE meet up on the East Kent Coast, (Joss Bay I think) soon, if you join the Yahoo group linked to the ukhome-educators group you can find the details.
Have you joined EO?

Ooh!!!! I haven't joined yet. That sounds lovely, not far from us...thanks for the heads up