Help deciding about home learning

[Mum2fourx]

Hi there,

So to jump straight in, two of my children really struggle at school, two have been totally fine and love it my eldest being in college now but my youngest are struggling in different ways and it is breaking my heart. So the elder of the two is such a kind quiet soul, this of course does not mix well in school, so he has been picked on quite a lot, he’s lost all confidence and is extremely anxious - to the point of crying daily about having to go. Academically he is doing amazing and there are no concerns in that area. However I suspect autism, only because he really struggles with interactions with people, takes everything seriously and does not understand jokes and has other mannerisms that I have been advised would point to this. My youngest has a sensory processing disorder, he is very behind and severely struggles in school, his motor skills are not what they should be and his anxiety since being at school has increased hugely and he screams and cries and begs to stay with me, he is very attached to me. He is a kind sweet boy, but he does struggle with friendships and I find is very easily lead, I worry all the time about him being hurt by others as he is very gentle and honestly just so sweet.

So my question is about home school. I have thought about it before, but I work (I work from home) and I am also not in a financial position to take them on trips all the time or pay for an online home school. I just really would like some advice from parents who home school, maybe some tips on what you do, if I could manage it? I don’t know really I just feel like I don’t know where to start in my head but in my heart I feel home school would be so beneficial for both of them. I’m just also so worried that I will do something wrong or mess up their education.

Thank you in advance x

How old are they?

What sort of job do you do? Are you a single parent and if not, how do your partner's working hours fit with yours? How do you cover childcare in the school holidays?

Many parents manage to combine working with home education, but it depends on the details of your work and the kids' needs. Home ed is far more efficient than school in terms of education, so you don't need to be sitting at the table for 30 hours a week doing formal education! All the same, most young kids will not manage to occupy themselves happily for long stretches of time without adult attention, so if they're young and/or needy and your job is demanding, that can be a difficult combination.

You can home educate very well on a shoestring, right up until they start preparing for GCSEs. (GCSEs aren't mandatory, but most home ed kids do some if they are able to.) At that point some costs are almost inevitable. If your children don't do exams at college, you'll need to pay exam fees. If they struggle in any subjects where you can't support them and they can't get through it on their own, you might want some tutor input. This doesn't necessarily have to be all singing all dancing online schools; possibly just a bit of targeted support will be helpful here are there. But this is the educational stage where money is helpful.

Most home educators don’t use an online school. Lots don’t have constant trips. We probably have one a ‘big’ term.
I think you need to pick out which resources / curriculum to use. Don’t listen to those who suggest you educational neglect/ unschool your children - I promise people will if you start home ed!
Once you’ve decided what you’re using. Give it a go. Worse case scenario - you decide to give school a go again. But maybe a different one if they’ve had issues there!

School is also about socialising and gives access to support e.g. autism diagnosis as well. Just something to think about.

Like others have said this depends a lot on your job. Could you work (very) part time and flexibly around home educating?

I home educate my DD (10) who has never been to school, so I’m not at all opposed to it, but I do think you need to a) properly research how you would do it (pedagogical approaches, resources, local HE groups, and so on); b) be prepared for HE to be your primary focus throughout the week (even if your children are happy getting on with work without too much supervision they will still need to go to social things, clubs, groups etc and you will need to be teaching them new material, supporting, scaffolding etc); and c) be prepared for the fact that just as you’re losing income your costs will also increase (buying curricula and resources, paying for groups, buying materials like art and science resources, doing some educational trips to galleries and museums…).

I don’t want to be a damp squib - I am v v passionate about how brilliant HE can be! - but I also think it requires a lot from parents to do it well and help children thrive and reach their full potential! Good luck OP.

It sounds like school-based socialising is not a positive force in her children's lives!

There are other sources of friends. One of my kids tried school for the first time in Y5 and came out at the end of one term. There were several reasons, but one of the main problems was that school interfered with their social life! 😆The teacher seemed to think they should be doing something other than socialising while there.

We’ve been home edding for a few years and are pretty childled/unschool-y. We do not pay for online school, that sounds like hell for us, how would we do that and be out at meet ups a few times a week plus random trips to activities or museums? Trips wise, they’re not expensive but we live in London. Well we’re doing less trips atm because we moved out to the edge of London and the kids have just started forest school (that’s pretty expensive, like nursery again).

I don’t work anymore but I did with the kids about for 9 months with no childcare and 9 months before that with sitters. That’s sucked, if we could have used forest schools or self directed HE settings it might have been a lot more sustainable but stars did not align for that.

Join the HEFA Facebook group and maybe some local ones if they’ll let you and see what’s about near you and how other people work it.

Home edder here and we use a lot of resource books but I follow the national curriculum as I want my child to take his GCSE’s and possibly return to the school in the future if he chooses too. Also, you can get loads of stuff brand new on Vinted to save money. I’ve even bought reading books for my child who despite being 6 cannot read or write (the school is shocking! Thank you labour for your push of all children should be in mainstream schools) and may also need to be home educated. School trips aren’t something we do often but there are plenty of free groups in our area and cheap trips. Check out your local home ed groups on Facebook they will probably offer plenty of things and trips they all go on for cheap

My daughter also has significant sensory processing difficulties. She is 4. Have you had an occupational therapy assessment for your youngest? We had one last week and I have now deregistered her from school.

If your youngest is anything like mine, the first thing will be to make sure his sensory needs are met at home consistently for a while, before necessarily starting formal learning.

For my daughter this means different kinds of movement and deep pressure throughout the day, as well as a lot of co regulation with me. Without this she will be too overwhelmed to learn.