Home Ed dilemma

[LemonyPicket]

Hi I’m thinking of withdrawing my year 2 daughter because she is autistic and struggles socially. However her sister is due to start reception in September so I’m not sure what to do, on the one hand it feels unfair to have one of them at home but not the other. But then again they fight like cat and dog so having them both at home all the time would drive me mad I think and also I don’t think it’s fair on the younger one who sometimes takes the brunt of her big sister’s moods. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Thank you

Is it possible she could benefit from going to a SEN school? I am autistic and felt like I would’ve benefitted from that in secondary school (managed primary though) but I wasn’t diagnosed back then and my parents thought I didn’t need it anyway as I was intelligent. They assumed anyone at a SEN would have learning difficulties when it’s not always the case.

Unfortunately there are no SEN schools anywhere near here that would be appropriate for her. Also - and without this sounding awful, I’m sorry - the children she finds it hardest being around are loud, unpredictable children or anyone who can shout or show other explosive behaviours. So I’m really not sure an autistic school would be the right place for her.

@LemonyPicket

we were offered a sen school for my dd and I refused it for those reasons and the lack of academic achievement though this was at secondary level. I fought for appropriate provision within mainstream and won.

Do you anticipate your younger child would enjoy Reception? If she likes school and is happy there, then it’s no problem having one in and one out. It is a very common arrangement.

Parents often report that once their unhappy child has the weight of school stress lifted, their mood and therefore their behaviour improves quite a lot, and consequently that sibling relationships become more peaceful. There’s no guarantee it would be smooth sailing having both at home, of course. Things might not improve enough to make it bearable for both to be together all the time.

Personally I’d start my younger one at school just like you did with your older one to see if it works for him/her. You can then pull them out if needs be especially once you are more settled with your older one. Also if your youngest isnt autistic then the fairest thing to do is what’s best for each one and that may be school.

I see. I never went to one so couldn’t comment if they have safe spaces or classes for the quieter children. I understand completely what you mean, I hate loud noises.

Definitely keep the younger child in school. But I’d think hard about home ed for the older one. If you withdraw from school, the education system will stop supporting your family and your daughter may miss out on all sorts of things. I’ve seen too many families pull an under 8 child out of formal education and then really struggle when the homeschooled child is 12 or 13 and home school not longer works.

if you can fight within the system to get your older child the support she needs, that might work out better in the long term.

You have to do what’s right for each individual child. If your younger would enjoy school I would still send her.